• exhibit_c said on Aug 20, 2007....

  We don't have to tell you it's a bad idea, do we? You knew that or you would not have posted.
  
  I suspect that you are so angry that you feel you can't bring up the subject without sounding angry. I get that way. Sexy lingerie is pretty subtle; husbands have no idea why wives choose one nightgown over another, and getting angry because he didn't get the hint seems passive aggressive to me.
  
  Marriage isn't as exciting as dating, but it does have its good points.  Sometimes dinner conversation between married adults can go like this:
  
  Do you know what I 'd like you to do for me this evening?
  
  What?
  
  Fuck my brains out!
  

• uniquely-ironic said on Aug 20, 2007....

  exhibit is dead on with the statement about you already knowing it's not okay to cheat.
   
  Have you tried talking, or greeted him at the door with a beer in your hand, wearing only plastic wrap?  Either one might get his attention.  It takes lots of work and communication to keep things lively.

• SeanRenaud said on Aug 20, 2007....

  It's not ok to cheat.  That said honestly I would try what they said, then file for a divorce.  There is no point in staying ina  relationship that isn't fulfilling for you.
   
  I don't know what service your man is in though and whatever stress he's under might be part of the problem. 

• OutOfIdeas said on Aug 20, 2007....

  Thanks for the advice everyone, you're all right I don't really want to cheat even though it is very tempting. Maybe I should just come right out and tell him "I want SEX!"

• cingular said on Aug 21, 2007....

  Absence of sex is inconvenience,
   
  Absence of love is a tragedy.

• exhibit_c said on Aug 21, 2007....

  I've thought about this some more and have a number of disconnected thoughts. It's sounds like your marriage is in a sort of sophomore slump, at least sex-wise. I don't think that's too unusual. You post makes it sound like you are having as much trouble being enthusiastic as he is.
  
  Chances are you are not talking enough, including about sex and during sex. Why not say that you would like sex? It doesn't have to be too blunt if you are uncomfortable with that. It can be more like, "you know what I was thinking about today? that time when we were screwing on the porch of my parents house and my dad came downstairs..... thinking about it made me really horny." 
  
  Because sex is connected to bed, it also gets connected to bedtime, but earlier may be better.  Bedtime is late, i.e. people are tired, and sometimes sleep does not follow right away.
  
  However it works out, next time do something at least a little different from the last three or four times, like everyone gets oral but no intercourse, or intercourse but no oral, or simultaneous oral, or some different position or location.
  

• DifficultSoul said on Aug 21, 2007....

  Sex is not love. We are what we think. If you think like that long enough, I assure you ....you will follow through. You can either change your thought patterns, or become an adulterer. It is your choice. With all the STD's and jerky using men, I would advise you to start a new thought process right now. Best wishes.

• neffnie said on Aug 21, 2007....

  My question to you is do you love him? Love and passion are two very seperate but uniquely combined things. If you love him and the spark is just gone then there is still hope. You both have to be willing to address the issues in your life and want to fix them. If he is unaware of your feelings then all that will happen is resentment will breed. I know it's difficult to discuss this with him but it's imperative if you want to save your marriage. Cheating is only satisfying in the moment. After you are left with guilt and anguish. This can lead to a viscious cycle of more cheating and guilt. The damage that will be done to both your marriage and self esteem may be irreversable. You have to decide if the consequences of your actions are worth it. Good luck ion your decision. Just know that only you can figure out what makes you happy.

• ZsuzsiO said on Aug 21, 2007....

  u know, I might be just the right person to talk to right now. See, I have been in this relationship that did not last long and was not even close to marriage, but I did have a lot of feelings to the guy.
  The only problem was that that he didn't want as much sex as I did. I've been blogging about it, and all of my e-friends agreed that it was time to move. I did cheat, althou it was an unreal relationship, and it wasn't exactly cheating.
  Than I let him know, cause I just felt that I wasn't strong enought to end this relationship but it started to really hurt me. Things like this do come to the light sooner and later anyway, so I thought, maybe if I give it a push he'll realise that this game is getting too far, and I'll have the ball back in my hand.
  Well, let me tell you, it did not turn out the way I wanted at all. He got so pissed that he doesn't even want to talk to me, which I thought was the best for me, and what I wanted, but now I can tell that I hate it.
  He now calls me names and talks to me in a really hurtfull way, and I know he has all rights to do so, and I hate it.
  He does not act all crazy or dusgusting so I could say "oh, I'm better off without him anyway". Instead, he does all the right things - AND I HATE IT.
  This whole thing only made me realise how much I really loved him already, and that I've made a mistake. Or might have mate a mistake, cause let's be honest, our relationship did not work, cause he didn't want it to work, so I really might be better off after all.
  But in your case, honey, you are married, and I am sure he does love you and want you.
  SO
  There is couple therapy, there are books, there is the internet, and if everything fails, there is the good old fashioned talk.
   
  There are so many ways to spice up a relationship, to remind your love that he is being loved and wanted.
   
  It is not the sexy clothes you wear that's going to make him wanna touch you again. I mean, they are never hurt to have, and I am an advocate of pretty undies and bras.
  But an unexepted oil massage, or a surprising gift can make a huge effect on people.
   
  My next door neighbor (44 dating a 20 years old, and she is the older one) told me yesterday, that she saw a new pose on the net, printed it out, and showed it to her man saying:
  "I want you to do this to me tonight".
  The picture was of a woman standing on her head with her back to the wall, the man holding her by the hipps facing the wall, standing up........
   
  I believe her when she said she did it - I don't know if i'd be able to =]

• anonymous said on Aug 22, 2007....

  As someone who has been married to the same woman for fifteen years all I can say "is where and how do I get in touch with you".

• ZsuzsiO said on Aug 23, 2007....

  lol

• soleme said on Aug 27, 2007....

  ya know, cheating on him would be wrong, I think you should just
  come out and tell him what is bothering you,don't worry about
  hurting his feelings, this may open up a whole new communcation
  line for the two of you. You should initiate the petting, kissing and
  so on, thru out the day or in bed. Also take some interest in his
  hobbies see if that works. 

• secretlife said on Aug 30, 2007....

  i have to say that for the first 10 years of my marriage I thought the problem was with our sex lives.

  upon closer inspection, the sex wasn't the issue at all.  it was just a symptom.

  have you considered this?

• OutOfIdeas said on Aug 30, 2007....

  It has crossed my mind, I do believe that we do have A LOT of other issues to work out starting with his family.

• JohnyBottom said on Sep 29, 2007....

  So fuck somebody else and see what happens. You only live once

• simplyklo said on Oct 10, 2007....

  If you can cheat on him then that proves you don't love him.  I stayed in a horrible marriage once myself for too long ... get out quickly if you don't love him.  And if you do, just surprise him ... be waiting in lingerie or something sexy ... something he won't be able to resist!

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