This is one of two blogs I'm starting. Both have the same title, but different purposes. Mini Pauses are glimpses into the soul of a woman flying blind into the second half of life. That's me. :) Most blog sites allow for comments, but not the development of relationships as this one does. I like that. Mid life is a lonely time - with self evaluation - reflection - introspection - and desertion by friends and family members as family dynamics change and new priorities develop. It is an intense, frightening, fascinating time. I'm only beginning to realize it's mid life, not depression or some other illness or imbalance or deficiency. It's not the result of a bad husband - although I tried to make it that. It's not the result of an emptying nest - although I tried to make it that. It's not he result of backstabbling friends or family betrayal or serious illness or chronic anxiety or major trust issues or radical changes in lifestyle - although I tried to make it all of those. I thought each of those may have led me to this awful place I find myself - but I've come to realize in just the past couple of weeks that instead it's mid life that has led me to each of these awful places I've been along the way. I erroneously thought each of these symptoms was the root cause and mid life was the symptom, but the truth is that each of these things has been a symptom of mid life. Mid life. Mid life crisis. The time of life when men go buy sports cars and get young blonde girlfriends. What do women do? Lay in bed all day munching on sweet and salty junk food, watching tv while trying to figure out why life isn't what it was always supposed to be. The more I try to figure out how to get my life back, the further it slips away. I keep coming to the same conclusion - and I have no idea how it will help - but somehow I know it's the first step in the answer. I need to start writing again. I need to journal. I need to blog. I need to verbalize these thoughts and feelings. So, here I am. It may not make sense to anyone but me. Who am I kidding...it may not even make sense to me! But I feel better taking a step. I know the 2nd half of my life can be everything the 1st half wasn't - if I can just lift myself out of this rut and start moving in the right direction - and keep going.
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Ceinna posted on Aug 19, 2007
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Comments
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mom said on Aug 19, 2007....
Sweetie- I too am in my mid life, but I find that so much of my life has been a crisis, so I am used to it. LOL I can't give you much advice since I am flying blind also. I find humor to be a real mental saver. People are very kind and supportive here. Blog and read, you will be pleasantly surprised at the insight you can get from everyone. We have a good time just being silly and laughing. Sometimes that is all that is needed to get us through our hormonal surges. :)
There are a lot of serious talks, others share their good times and bad. I consider just about everyone here, a friend.
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destinydiva said on Aug 19, 2007....
welcome to soulcast cienna!! I love your name and I love how you write, so open and honest, and I love your strength to realise and make changes. I hope you have fun here and I hope you find your way again, I heard this song today and it suits this post perfectly!! :-)
enjoy !
Destiny xx
(if you dont like the song there are some fit guys to oggle!! lol :-)
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Battycat said on Aug 21, 2007....
Welcome to Soulcast, I like your description of what women do in midlife :-) , I can put myself there somedays. -
Ceinna said on Aug 25, 2007....
Thanks for reading...and commenting...and being so uplifting!
mom - I know crisis too well. If this IS mid-life, then at least 75% of the first half of my life was wrought with perpetual crisis. Makes me wonder why I'm such a mess because it's come to a close! ;) Oh, and I love humor, too. Laughter really is the best medicine sometimes.
Destiny - Thanks for the song! I really do appreciate it...and your kind words and your welcome. I started reading you a few days ago - at least I *think* it was you...the aspiring gardener, right? ;)
BC - Nice to know I'm not alone! :) Thanks for the welcome!
I'm liking it here already!
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destinydiva said on Aug 25, 2007....
lol yeah that was me..,... I'm fully over the whole traumatic experience now :-) he he xx
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jadestar said on Aug 25, 2007....
Welcome Ceinna......that's a beautiful name.Thanx for subscribing to my blog, by the way....I have to admit, I'm enjoying life more than before, though it is beset with obstacles, and truth be told, obstacles have always been there.I think that, like mom, I've had so many crises in my life, I probably wouldn't recognise a mid-life crisis... :-) -
MissMimi said on Aug 25, 2007....
Another mid-life dingbat here. Welcome to SoulCast, Ceinna (love the name!).
There are alot of wacky people here. I'm sure you find yourself chuckling a lot. :)
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mom said on Aug 26, 2007....
Cienna- I think that our humor comes out of all the crap that we have gone through. When you have cried all the tears and thrown all the furniture you can and tried to run over your ex, well then all that is left is humor. It is the only thing that keeps us sane at this point. Also for me, I look at it this way, how much more can happen, I will soon be at deaths door and then it won't matter. :) -
jadestar said on Aug 26, 2007....
ah mom, you're like a breath of fresh air......love your wit......xxx... -
MissMimi said on Aug 26, 2007....
[smears applesauce in mom's hair] :p
Sorry, Ceinna. I've been looking for that little minx, mom, for a while. I'll try not to make a mess. :D
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Ceinna said on Aug 26, 2007....
Destiny - One thing about mangled lawns - they grow back. :)
Jade - I've enjoyed seeing your pov on your blog and comments elsewhere. It's great you can enjoy life despite the obstacles. I once did - and need to find my way back to that.
MissMimi - Thanks for the welcome - already chuckling. :) And don't worry about the mess - there's no fun like a good food fight - and Mom can't eat it and we can't let it go to waste. :)
Mom - I agree, humor helps. Maybe my problem is that I've still got another ex to try to run over. ;)
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MissMimi said on Aug 26, 2007....
Well, in that case... [aims the can of Cheeze Whiz at Ceinna] :D -
mom said on Aug 26, 2007....
ack! Mimi, I can eat applesauce and you waste it? Ok well then turn about is fair play. *slings wet rhubarb at Mimi*
Cienna- if you need some tips on how to run over him many times and make it look like you didn't mean to let me know.
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Ceinna said on Aug 26, 2007....
ROFL mom! You've got me curious! Don't think I'd want to be seen prowling around his vicinity...with our history anyone would KNOW I meant to. LOL! But tell me anyway - this sounds too good not to know. ;)
Oh, and - [Ceinna sprays whipped cream toward Mimi and hands mom a banana smoothie]
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skald said on Aug 27, 2007....
Welcome to SoulCast and I think mid life can be fascinating. Every period of life can be good. -
mom said on Aug 27, 2007....
Ceinna- I lied I don't really know how to run over someone. I just wish I did but then I would have to travel back East to do it and I don't think the police would buy, "I was just in the neighborhood and I didn't see him in his living room." -
MissMimi said on Aug 27, 2007....
Mom, you are such a bad girl. I hate rhubarb. It looks like red celery. Hare have some chocolate pudding.Okay, Ceinna... [wipes whipped cream off face and goes after Ceinna with a dish of creamed corn...] No more Mrs. Niceguy. :D -
mom said on Aug 27, 2007....
Ha Ha Mimi- I finally got you with something you don't like, *psst lets tackle Cienna* ;)
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