Is it horrible of me that I hate it when people come over to visit? Especially if it's unannounced? Yesterday morning my mom showed up at my place at 9am! My son was in his room playing games and I was on the computer with my coffee and a cigarette, trying to wake up. And there she was wanting to use my phone. Her phone was apparently dead and she has no cell phone. And then she was on my phone for 45 minutes because the phone company kept her on hold all that time. It sort of ruined my morning routine! Am I a terrible person though for feeling that way?
It's not that I don't get along with my mom. I totally do. But I'm so set in my ways that I don't do well when things don't go as scheduled. I wish I wasn't like that. I'm such a creature of habit.
And this weekend, it's about to get worse! My mother in law, and my husbands 17 year old sister are coming to visit from Michigan. That's 2000 miles they're traveling to see us. I should be excited to see them, but all I can think is that I'm going to have to entertain them. I'm not good at that either. Plus, I haven't seen my MIL since Thanksgiving 1995. And my SIL? She was 6 years old the last time I saw her! They're sort of like strangers to ME even if they're my husbands family.
Last summer, hubby's brother showed up in town. It's a long story, but I'd never met him before! This was the first time. He's a bit estranged from the family, so to speak. And there's a good reason! He's a racist, homophobic, misogynistic pig. He had the nerve to insult our SON by calling him gay because he had black flip flops with a small rainbow on the soles of the shoes! He said he hoped his friends saw that and beat the crap out of him. Can you even believe???? My son was 8 years old at the time!
And then for Father's Day, we planned to go out to eat. His brother got mad and insisted I cook him a meal. He didn't travel all this way to eat at a restaurant! He wanted home cooked food. Bastard! And my husband is so passive he just went along with this. I hated that. But they did get into a fight later when my wonderful brother in law insulted our neighbor and good friend, just because he was a police officer. Apparently John hates policemen along with women, children, anyone who isn't white, and gay people. He's a prize, isn't he? I don't even know how he can be related to my husband at all.
But this is my husbands family. And his mother and I never got along when I did know her. She's not like his brother at all, but she's critical in her own ways. She's a very strong personality, and I'm not. I'm nervous for this visit. I'm not looking forward to it at all. It's going to mess up my routine too.
I could never admit this to my husband, so that's why I'm sharing it here! I have to vent! I feel like such a bad, unfriendly person, but I'm really not. I just don't do well with changes. Or with people I don't know very well....
moonstone posted on Aug 17, 2007
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Comments
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secretlife said on Aug 17, 2007....
i remember when i first got married and my in-laws would pop in any time just to 'visit'....my husband and i both worked full time jobs, and most days i wouldn't even get home til 6 or 6:30. i would be still cleaning up dinner and looking forward to some down time, and the doorbell would ring. Then I'd feel like I had to entertain them for a few hours, and that screwed up my whole routine.
I finally asked my husband if he'd ask them to call first before they dropped in.
And they were kind enough to change that habit.
I have my sister here for the weekend lots. But she's my sister and i'm used to her and comfortable with her, so it's ok. But my husband's brother and his 3rd wife came to stay with us for a week a few years back, and i was at my wits end with entertaining, cooking, blah blah.
Maybe because I don't know him so well. I think that adds the extra stress factor.
So no, I don't think you're awful or strange.
Good luck having your MIL and SIL. I'm really glad it's you and not me!
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moonstone said on Aug 17, 2007....
secretlife, thanks for commenting! I'm glad it's not just me that feels this way! It does add extra stress when you feel like you don't know the other person. That's how I feel about my husband's family. They all moved away when we were first married, and although he has visited with them since, I haven't. It makes it weird for me! I just hope I get through this weekend intact! lol -
kruuyai said on Aug 17, 2007....
Well, after I read your description of your husband's family, I can't blame you for being apprehensive.. Twelve years is a long time to go without seeing your inlaws (although I've gone almost that long without seeing my own family), so that really makes it stressful, too. Maybe before they come, you could sit down with your husband and agree on some ground rules and let him know that you need him to back you up if things get out of hand. Also, if you can find a way to take some time just for yourself out of each day that they're visiting, then maybe having your routine disrupted will be a little less traumatic. Good luck! You'll have to let us know how it goes. -
beyondtheveil said on Aug 17, 2007....
moonstone- I don't care for people at my house either, except on my own terms. Luckily for me, relatives are all out of town now.
When kruu mentioned ground rules, that's a very good idea. He should support you totally and if you want to eat out, make it understood with him you eat out. If he wants to eat at home, make him pull out the grill and cook outside.
As for your brother-in-law, I wouldn't allow him in my house- ever.
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moonstone said on Aug 17, 2007....
kruuyai, I think ground rules are in order too! I already told my husband after the last time with his brother, that I wouldn't put up with that stuff anymore! And they are staying at a hotel and not at my house. Thank God! But I suspect they'll still be over here more often than not, of course. I hope it goes okay. I know it'll be better than the evil brother in law visit...I'll keep you guys posted!
beyondtheveil, I'm glad that my in laws don't live here anymore too! If they did, I think it would drive me crazy. That's a good idea to make my husband cook if someone demands a meal. I shouldn't have to be the only one capable of doing that! And my brother in law is no longer welcome in our house. Believe me. There was a reason why everyone in the family shunned him before. But my husband wanted to give him a chance. I guess some people don't deserve those chances!
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Suddenrain said on Aug 17, 2007....
Oh Moon, I am so private. I know exactly how you feel. Everyone calls me a hermit. But I love the quiet and living my latter days as I choose. I have a schedule that can only be changed by me and everyone knows it. If someone comes over unannounced, theu suffer the rath because they know I don't like it. I always call someone a day ahead of time to see if it's ok to drop by. I expect the same in return. As far as family visiting, it doesn't last long, even if it's a week. it's not like they are permanent residents. Just a week is ok. I wouldn't totally rearrange my schedule. You need time to yourself also. They'll just have to understand. Did they ask to come or just say they were comming? -
Eilan said on Aug 17, 2007....
I don't like this, either. It doesn't happen to us very often, but it does happen. I have four young daughters, and my house isn't usually in any condition to entertain guests. -
VeMacKay said on Aug 17, 2007....
I have to agree- when I haven't had at least 2 hours with my coffee pot and people want to come over and talk about anything other than my relationship with the coffee time I'm missing. Then they have a problem unfolding right before thier eyes. If they have to wake me up before I get up - they know to have a cup of coffee in their hand.All my people knwo my schedule, I write all night and I sleep until the peeps open, so most of the time they come over in the middle of the night. While I'm trying to write. And if I need to get my work done then I tell them they either have to give me a moment or comeback later.~VeWho knows-I love them all anyway.~Ve -
kruuyai said on Aug 18, 2007....
Oh, that's really great that they're not staying at your house. That will ease up a lot of the stress right there. :) -
lyssa said on Aug 18, 2007....
My dad's side, gee-whizz!! They are a handful! They treated my mum badly when she got married to my dad and it is something we all know very well. Except for my dad's eldest sister - she rocks and the best aunt I have on my dad's side.Everytime the others (his other siblings - esp his sisters - except the eldest!) come for a visit (which the usually fail to inform beforehand!!!), they expect lunch/dinner to be ready for them. What I normally do is, when they do inform us of their visits, I'd come up with an excuse like tummy ache (so that I can stay in my room the whole time of their visit) or dash out to the nearest mall and catch a movie. I feel bad though, only because I leave my mother to attend to them... -
Me-Myself&I said on Aug 18, 2007....
i dont like "certain" folks coming over without asking first if i'm up for company.then there are my good friends who can come any time they wish. but me, i always call first,no matter if i have known you all my life. then there are folks i dont answer the door or phone for! ***smile*** -
moonstone said on Aug 18, 2007....
Wow, thank you all for commenting! I wasn't able to check the comments yesterday because I was busy trying to clean and get my house in order for the visitors. Ugh! They haven't arrived yet, but they'll be here soon.
suddenrain, to answer your question, they just announced they were coming. No asking! Of course, my husband was excited by this, because it's his family. But I just felt panicky at the thought of people being in my house and having to entertain them!
I'm sorry I can't respond to everyone personally right now, but I really do appreciate the comments! I should probably go make sure everything is presentable before my day gets messed up! lol
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