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Did I ask for your opinion?

uniquely-ironic posted on Aug 16, 2007 | views: 862 | Tags: opinion, boyfriend, alternatives, relationships

I really have to hand it to him.  My BF is making it really easy for me these days.

I get home last night, after stopping by the store to pick up the 1/2 dozen “mandatory” drinks he needs and he has the nerve to complain that I forgot iced tea.  Excuse me?!!!  If you want fucking iced tea, get your lazy ass off of the couch and go buy some!

As I was putting away the “less desireable” drinks he asks if I want to go out for dinner.  Well, duh!  But, why not mention this to me earlier so that I didn’t buy something to make, which now will be tomorrows dinner.  I asked if we were celebrating anything, and his answer “no, your cooking just makes me sick”.

Okay, we can fix that.

So, old sad sack and I went out for dinner.  I put on a new baby doll style sweater that I just picked up monday.  He, of course, made sure to tell me how horrible it looked on me.  I, of course, completely ignored him.  Dinner conversation was “stimulating” and lively.  Not.  He complained the whole time how he needs to start his own consulting business so that he can sleep in and go to the gym twice a day.

Huh.  I thought he was out of shape because he over eats.  Silly me.  He also touched on another oldie but goodie of, my father has lots of money, that’s not fair.  I can’t wait until he dies so that I can get some of it.

In all fairness.  I’d cut him out of the will completely if I were his dad.  Nothing worse than a whiney baby who thinks life owes him something.  I don’t care for his dad either, but at least he put in some work for what he ended up with.

So, what’s the lesson here?  When you don’t ask for someone’s opinion, you don’t neccesarily need to worry about the opinion they offer you.



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Comments

  • exhibit_c said on Aug 16, 2007....
    I'll offer an opinion: if he starts his own consulting business, he will fail. You don't build a business at the gym.
  • quietone said on Aug 16, 2007....
    here is my opinion, I would not cook for the guy again.
  • uniquely-ironic said on Aug 16, 2007....
    exhibit c - I'm pretty sure your opinion is correct.  It's amazing that a man his age hasn't figured out how life works.
     
    quietone - I like your opinion.  I will cook for myself and if he eats too that's fine.  No more efforts for the ingrate!
  • botoni said on Aug 16, 2007....
    Unique.....Having had a roommate with that same self-centered illness I pretty much get what you re talking about. My favorite event came when my daughter brought over a lemon meringue pie for about the 50th time. He regularly expressed his appreciation by telling her it was ok but it needed more meringue. She finally explained since he didnt like it she would quit bringing them. Result....no more lemon meringue (his favorite by the way).
  • uniquely-ironic said on Aug 16, 2007....
    botoni - before the evening ended I told him that I wanted him to stop bitching about how bad his life was.  I told him I was having enough trouble without his perpetual moaning.
  • mom said on Aug 16, 2007....
    Unique- this is your boyfriend?  and why? Excuse me but what an asshole.  Tell me something positive about him, I would love to know why you are with him.
  • uniquely-ironic said on Aug 16, 2007....
    mom - nothing to say about the BF.  I'm actually in the process of finding other living arrangements.  Finally came to my senses.
  • mom said on Aug 16, 2007....
    Unique-I think you deserve better than what he gives you.  I know you can do better.
  • travelr712 said on Aug 16, 2007....
    unique - it sounds to me like you are trying to talk yourself out of continuing with that relationship. that's just my opinion :-)
  • mOOn_platOOn said on Aug 16, 2007....
    Try dating "Alternative Girl." There's never a suggestion, idea or opinion to which AG cannot find an alternative - and WILL! Hear it whether it's needed or not, and don't worry - she actually did HEAR your comment, she's just chosen to override it with hers.
     
  • silverwhisper said on Aug 17, 2007....
    i'm trying to grasp why you're still with him, u-i. i'm not succeeding.

    ed
  • easyman4 said on Aug 17, 2007....
    move on sounds like all he wants is what he wants and not what anybody else wants.find someone that will be good for you tell him to stop and get a life becouse he is bringing you down .life  is too short to live that way and its what you make of it and the way i see it you are a slave to him .he should of ran you a bath and help washed you put your feet up for you to relax .and he should of went to the store or maybe get a job not the gym. good luck
  • skald said on Aug 17, 2007....
    I think that is a good lesson and I´ll remember that. I am sorry that things are like that. Luv
  • Mamie said on Aug 17, 2007....
    my opinion, not that you asked:)))) is to continue making your plans to move on. There really are happy people in this world that you can be with and have some fun!
  • queenparanoia said on Aug 17, 2007....
    that's your boyfriend??? ohmygod! i wouldve dump him when he said that he hates my cooking!!! at least you cook for him!!! uniquely i hope he appreciates you...
  • cankwhiteboy said on Aug 17, 2007....
    You don't sound anywhere near as mean as you need to be, maybe you should hang out with some of my ex girlfriends, or my wife for that matter, they'll toughen you right up.  If I said some shit like that to them..... I might fall asleap in my bed but  I'd wake up in the hospital.   
     
     jmho
  • ZsuzsiO said on Aug 17, 2007....
    I have an idea: Why not advice that dear BF or yours to get a job in a gym, that way he could be there all thay, make an income, AND work out for free. Tell himm that there are TV sets all over the gym so he could actually keep on watching his favourite shows too.
    As of your problem - I'm sorry, but I blame you. As always, in relationships too, I believe it is us, and only us who can make a differnece in our lives. I don't believe in anything else but myself. If I am in a relationship I have a problem with, I end it, or change my own behaviour.
    Let him do the shopping for himself, let him cook the food he wants and let him buy you the clothes he rather wants to see you in. Than things will go exactly his way, and he will no longer have a reason to complain.
    Until that happenes, you buy only what you want, you cook whenever and whatever you feel like cooking, and you wear whatever makes you feel good.
    Still complaining? Time to go.
    You know, when you let them know that things are not working out for you, they usually come around and try to show you are wrong...
  • Me-Myself&I said on Aug 17, 2007....

    he sure likes to push your buttons, dont he? hell, take his opinions and let

     them blow in the wind. his time is acoming! take care and i'm glad you are

    seeing him for what he is.....an ass. see ya

  • uniquely-ironic said on Aug 17, 2007....
    mom - thanks.  I know you're right.  I've been such a chicken.
     
    travlr712 - You're right!  It hasn't been a healthy relationship for a long time.  I don't think it's fixable.  I've tried a lot of different fixes already.  It's time to cut my losses.
     
    moon  - are you speaking from experience?
     
    SW - pure logistics at this point.  I did look at a place last night that may be my ticket to sanity.
     
    easyman4 - you're right.  I don't think he realizes what being your own boss entails.  Oh well, his problem.
     
    skald - it's a lesson I have to keep relearning
     
    mamie - yes!  I continue to work on the "out" plan and look forward to some peace in my life.
     
    queen - sadly, I don't think he does.  He takes me for granted ... but not for much longer.
     
    CWB - Would you believe there are people who think I'm that mean?!  I wish I were.
     
    Zsuzsio - There is some truth to what you say.  I think you're being harsh, considering that you don't know the entire history and are coming in on this at the bitter end.  I'm not even sure why I care what you think anyway.
     
    MM&I - Yes, he is definately an expert button pusher.  He's run out of grace with me.
     
  • evil_twin said on Aug 17, 2007....
    I can see why you want to get out so badly. He sounds pretty selfish to me! I hope you can find a good place to live soon. I've been a bit quiet lately, but I have been reading your blogs. Keep your chin up and soon you'll be free! :-)

    -evil_twin LA
  • uniquely-ironic said on Aug 17, 2007....

    ET - thanks.  I'm feeling more optimistic today, and I am also becoming resigned to the fact that it will be kind of sucky before it gets better.

     

  • Daniel68 said on Aug 17, 2007....
    I have been dumped by women because I am too nice. Considerate, decent. They want dangerous and some women actually have told me they like guys with attitude who tell them what to do and how to act.

    So, you know, it goes both ways. I prefer to stay decent and nice, hoping that when women say they want that in a guy - they mean that.
  • uniquely-ironic said on Aug 17, 2007....
    Daniel - I really don't understand those kind of women.  I certainly didn't aim to get into a situation where my boyfriend was a monster, so I can't imagine even going out with him again after the first date if he had tried pulling the bossy crap he is so good at now.
  • ZsuzsiO said on Aug 17, 2007....
    I don't understand - did I offend you in any way? I surely hope not, cause that was not my messege here. I think all I said was exactly what all the others wrote here, only with giving you the idea of self empowering, self loving that I so deeply believe in.
    I hoped you'll see it as a support rather than attack.
    Whatever tha case is, I hope you are doing better and doing waht is right for you.
    Z
  • uniquely-ironic said on Aug 17, 2007....
    Zsuzsio - If I misunderstood I apologize, but this sentence "As of your problem - I'm sorry, but I blame you." to be either terribly insensitive or just rude.
  • ZsuzsiO said on Aug 18, 2007....
    Oh, than I must appologize, but you must know it is only my style. I am not insensitive and it is far from me to try to be rude. But when I say I blame you, I mean it rather as a wake up call, than finger pointing. What I mean is that the key to solve problems in your life - any problem in general - is always in your hand. You are the one who allows situations happen in your life ( or to continiue ) and only you can change it. It is the same for me, and if you'll read my blogs you'll see that I am not much smarter or stronger than you are. We are humans, and we don't always do the right things we do or don't know we should do. But once we understand that the decision is ours, we can turn things around no matter if the other one is changing or not. We can't change other people, or save the world, but we can make better decisions that fit our real needs, and not just comfortable at the moment.
    But no, I did not mean to be hursh - but you know what? Some times the truth hurts, and a harsh word might surprise us, hurt us, but in the end it might be just that wake up call we need.
     
    Also, this whole conversation makes me think - are you sure he is the problem, or could it be you who is looking for that one word, that you can take as an assult? Are you sure is it not you who unknowingly forces others to basically walk on egg shells by you over sensitivity? Now again, I am not saying you are. I'm just saying that my comment was no different from the others, yet one wrong word could take you into believing that you are being attacked. Maybe it is a pattern you are keep on doing? Maybe you should watch for signs in your relationship to see if you are doing the same to him to? Maybe it is as simple, as 2+2 - he says something to you but not in the way you like it, and so you turn it into something it is not?
    Of course, the way you wrote it here, doesn't sound like it. But than again, when we are mad at some one, it is only our side we see.
     
    I hope I am helping here, and not just making you mad. That is NOT what I am about. I always analyze people, and not everyone likes it.
  • evil_twin said on Aug 18, 2007....
    I know this is none of my business, but I feel the need to say something in Uniquely's defense. In my opinion, this post reflects a man who has the ability to be just plain rude and nasty. And he's saying these things to the woman he supposedly loves. Saying her cooking makes him sick and that she looks terrible in an outfit, are most definitely things that make HIM and his behavior a problem. Don't you think?

    I don't find it overly sensitive for someone to take offense to the words this man has said to her. And we don't even know the whole story. When you love someone, you try to boost them up and make them feel special. As a man, you should always tell the woman you love that she looks great and you love her cooking, even if it's not true! That's just part of being a decent human being, in my opinion.

    I do agree that sometimes we do allow bad situations in our life to go on longer than they should. But I think Uniquely is taking steps to change that. And suggesting she should blame herself for this isn't really going to help matters. Whenever a relationship fails, it's a safe bet that both parties made mistakes. But that doesn't make this man's behavior any more acceptable in my eyes.

    Stay strong, Uniquely. And I hope I didn't overstep my bounds with this comment.

    -evil_twin LA


  • mom said on Aug 18, 2007....
    I know it is hard to move on, but it might save you so many more future heartaches.  
  • ZsuzsiO said on Aug 19, 2007....
    Naturally, Evel Twin, you are right. If you read my other comments you see that I too think negatively about this guy. It is no way to talk to a woman, especially the one we love. The guys is rude, no question about that.
    Again, my words should not be taken as an attack, since it is NOT what I meant to do. It is my style, this is how I talk and write. Some people can take the raw attitude, some can't. I think I have appologized already, so I am not about to do it again.
    The point is, if we want change, we must make the change happen. If we want to hear the truth we must be strong enough to hear it. Simple as that.
  • uniquely-ironic said on Aug 20, 2007....
    Thanks ET, I do appreciate the support.  I think ZsuzsiO is thinking in a vaccuum as far as her/his opinion of my situation.   He/she has no idea about who and what I am, since there is much about my past that I have not shared, and may never share. 
  • hotaka said on Aug 22, 2007....

    Well, you have a lot of comments here already but after glancing at only a couple I'll give you my two cents. Get out. My co-worker is married to a similar kind of guy and she is miserable. Everything around your BF is going wrong because he feels the wotrld owes him a favour. He can't appreciate you because he's too busy feeling sorry for himself. I don't think a guy like that can change enough to truly appreciate what he has good in his life. I'd like to hear about you in a relationship like evil_twin mentioned, with someone who will lift you up and be kind and caring, not critical and self-pitying.

    Surely you can find a better way for yourself. Don't worry about him. He is already so concerned about himself anyway.

  • uniquely-ironic said on Aug 23, 2007....

    hotaka - you're right, and I moved out yesterday.  I'm sure this is best for both of us, but like all wounds it will take time for me to "pull it together" and be open to a relationship that is good for me.

     

  • hotaka said on Aug 24, 2007....
    Wow, UI. That's a big move for you. I know it's often tough to clear out of a relationship. Good move. I am really proud of you. As many guys here on SC will say, you certainly deserve better. I hope it all works out well for you. Aww... Big hug to you. Yes, pull it together. Once you are together and know what is right for you it will be easier to attract the right guy. Be positive. Don't take crap. I wish you well.
  • travelr712 said on Aug 26, 2007....
    from one who went through the same thing you've just started after 10 years of marriage, i say congratulations for not settling for something that did not work. next step, don't weaken because of regret, stick to your resolve and your plan. don't believe his pleas that he will change. wait to see actual change if it happens. time is what you need, and time is what you have. don't give up that precious gift that you've worked so hard for.
  • uniquely-ironic said on Aug 27, 2007....

    hotaka - yes, it was a big move, and so far it's been as smooth as can be expected.

     

    travelr - I'm a two time loser.  I ended a 15 year marriage 5 years ago, and here I am again.  I haven't really heard much from the BF, which is kind of disappointing to think that he didn't think enough of me to try to fix it.  But.  Oh well.  Now on to bigger and better things, hopefully.

  • travelr712 said on Aug 27, 2007....
    well, it hasn't been very long yet. if you don't hear from him, then you know what was wrong with your relationship.
  • uniquely-ironic said on Aug 28, 2007....
    travelr - I guess so.  Sad to think I had "wasted" that time.
  • hotaka said on Aug 29, 2007....
    Just a small bit of positive advice. Don't think of it as time wasted. Think of it as a long learning experience. I spent three years with a devil woman and often wonder why I wasted my time and energy. But I learned a lot of valuable things and I will never get into that situation again. Surely you had some good times and also learned some important things about yourself and relationships.

    Also, don't think of yourself as a two-time loser. For starters, you now ex-bf is the loser since he couldn't treat you well enough to hang on to you. Instead think of yourself as a finder who is still looking. You know, we have this expectation that we should find the right person to stay with us all our lives while we are in our twenties or younger. But that only happens to some people. Others meet someone they think is right for them but later they or their partners change and then it's time to decide whether it's better to stay together and make the most of the situation and just live like freinds or roommates or to go separate ways. Some people find the right person later in life. I know a man and woman who married in their fifties and believe they at last found their soul mates. So, keep looking. Just don't sell out. 
  • uniquely-ironic said on Aug 29, 2007....
    hotaka - as discouraged as I am at the moment, I really do still believe in love.

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