My whole life seems like it has been about waiting. I've been an "if only" kind of person. I let things hold me back. One of the main things I held against myself was my weight because I saw it as a flaw that hinged on all my opportunities. Life could only begin for me when I reached some magic number on the scale. I was convinced that because I wasn't a super model, that I was destined to be lonely and less than everyone else. It was my fate.
That's hogwash really.
I sure bought into it though.
My fortune cookie really started my mind churning. I'm kind of tired of being patient when it comes to waiting for the good things in life. "If only" sucks. There have been many things besides my weight that I've used against myself. I'm not going to list them all but you get the idea of what I've done to myself.
But, you know what? I have a beautiful body. I am not a mountain or a blob. I am sexy. I'm curvy. Vivacious. Stacked. A real woman to my core. I am sensual. I look young for my age. I have a brain. What on earth have I been moaning about all this time? I've got a lot to offer.
I looked at myself in a full length mirror when I was out doing some shopping today. I liked what I saw. I really did. I could have saved myself some anguish and pain if I had come to this conclusion much earlier in life. Now I have to undo all that I've done to myself over the years. I can't blame anyone but me.
Now I find myself becoming impatient mainly because I feel life is slipping away.
I sort of feel my biological clock ticking faintly in the background. I've gone from thinking children were never a possibility to hoping they might be. I want changes in my life so that possibility can be explored. I want it to be more than a wonderful fantasy. Yet I have no clear idea of how that might ever happen. It remains something I long for.
I want to live every minute of my life. I want to be full of love, passion and happiness. I want it so bad I can taste it.
It's easier to say it, than to do it. Isn't it? I talk a good game. In the end, I put rational thinking before my wants and needs. I become fearful, quiet and withdrawn. Sometimes I'm even a little depressed. I wonder if life can really be the way I want it to be. I wait. I am patient. I tell myself that fate will guide me.
It is true that Rome wasn't built in a day. It was a great empire while it lasted. It is true that some things are worth waiting for. I want the good things in life to spring forward. No more holding back. I wonder if the building of CW is nearing completion.
All this from a fortune cookie.
CW
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