• Eilan said on Aug 13, 2007....

  Like the person who posted this?
  
  The handful of times that I did anything even remotely sexual on cam, my husband participated.  We've both given each other "permission" to do things with others, but neither of us has ever taken advantage.  Honestly, I'm not all that interested.
  
  I used to IM a good online (male) friend on an almost nightly basis, but it wasn't ever remotely sexual, even though we met on an adult site.
  

• silverwhisper said on Aug 14, 2007....

  quite simply: yes, online affairs equal adultery just as much as RL affairs. by using the expression "online affair" the implication is that it's w/ a specific person on an ongoing basis.
  
  ed

• moonstone said on Aug 14, 2007....

  This is an interesting question for me. Mostly because it hits home. Several years ago, I got into an online relationship with someone. They lived in England, and I'm in the states, so we never once met each other. But we did talk every single day online, and a few phone calls. I really did think I was in love with them. The guilt over what I'd done got to be so much, that I had to tell my husband. I couldn't live with myself. My heart cheated, even if I never laid eyes on this other person, except for a picture.
  
  My husband understood the situation and was hurt by it. But at the same time, he kept telling me that I hadn't really done anything wrong. It was just words on a computer screen. I never kissed or hugged or had sex with anyone else. I hadn't broken any vows. He convinced me that it wasn't cheating. It hurt, but it wasn't cheating. And then I broke off the internet 'affair'. I never spoke to them again.
  
  A year later, my husband started a real world affair with a woman at work. They did have sex. And then he later told me that he assumed I no longer loved him because of the internet thing. He didn't think I would care that he slept with someone else. Can you believe that? Well, I cared. And in my mind, I still thought that what I did was better than what he did.
  
  But I don't think it is. If your heart cheats, it's just as painful as giving your body to someone else. He tried to tell me it wasn't, but in the end, he lied to both of us. It's the same. Sorry I went on for so long, but this just hit home for me.
  

• uniquely-ironic said on Aug 14, 2007....

  I think anytime you try to justify your heart wandering from the person you're supposed to be in a relationship with, it's cheating.  Whether or not you physically touch someone is beside the point.  Yes, I've had an online affair before, and I felt just horrible about it.  At the same time I wonder if what we consider a new way of cheating is just a new take on a good old fashioned long distance relationship of love letters or phone calls.

• slirpuff said on Aug 14, 2007....

  I've never done it, so I may not be the right person
  to reply, but define the "online affair". How intense and
  involved do you have to be to make it an affair ???
  Is it an affair if you don't say I love you ???
  How about if it's just some hot and descriptive sex
  fantasies ??

• the_infernal_optimist said on Aug 14, 2007....

  An online affair is still an affair, imo, and thus is cheating. Neither of us would be ok with the other having a relationship that way.
  
  ~Infernal
  

• Bronx said on Aug 14, 2007....

  Eilan: not really - never saw that till your link was opened now.
  
  No, more like this, from this.
  
  So, a threesome online is alright as long as your husband is present - sounds a bit like Bo Derek and her husband.
  
  Also, you're saying that having an online relationship is great as long as there is no sex involved? Then why frequent an 'adult' website at all.....just wondering?
  
  
  

• Bronx said on Aug 14, 2007....

  SW: yes, I agree....my feelings exactly.
  
  Kind of silly really, especially when anonymity online makes it impossible to be really sure of gender online - anybody can post someone else's picture/video!

• Bronx said on Aug 14, 2007....

  moonstone: WELCOME TO MY BLOG!
  
  To be frank, you broke your vows - '......to forsake all others....'
  
  Your heart is where your treasure is - you were suckered by the image on the picture and would have 'given it up' to him if he had been, say, close by at the office.
  
  Sorry to disappoint you, but your husband was right about you no longer being in love with him - very few women can love two men at the same time!
  
  The real pity is that your act opened the door for him to explore the 'waters' a bit - it's amazing how many women at the office hit on their married colleagues.
  
  Oh, and vice versa!
  

• moonstone said on Aug 14, 2007....

  I did break my vows, I suppose. But see, he said I didn't. He had me convinced I did nothing wrong, even though I felt I did. And then he went ahead and broke his own vows to me too. It was a mess. But I did still love him. I only went in search of other things because he never paid attention to me. How easy it is to fall into something else when you're so lonely. But I never stopped loving him. If anything, all I wanted was for him to realize what he had and what he was about to lose. But yes, I agree it was cheating. Any time you give your heart to someone else, it's cheating. It doesn't matter if you never touch them.

• Bronx said on Aug 14, 2007....

  U-I: I agree with - the only difference now is that the other half could be someone you never expected at all.
  
  Can you imagine finding out that your love interest is non-existent or actually of a gender/character not to your liking - after falling head-over-heels? OUCH!
  

• Bronx said on Aug 14, 2007....

  slirpuff: hi....WELCOME TO MY BLOG!
  
  I think that silverwhisper's comment hit the nail on the head with the definition of an 'online affair'
  
  
  
  TIO: hi.....bingo! All affairs of the heart should never be taken lightly.
  
  I think Michael Jackson put it most eloquently in his great song, Billie Jean.....
  

• Bronx said on Aug 14, 2007....

  moonstone: believe me, I understand......it's just that some things are difficult for me to understand - like when a woman says that she cheated because her husband was ignoring her, taking her for granted, works too hard, spends all his time at the office, etc., etc., etc.
  
  How can a woman be ignored? I can't understand that - could someone explain?
  
  I mean, a woman is the 'engine' of the house, the 'better' half of the relationship/union, etc.
  
  If she's not getting any attention, perhaps, she should make herself more useful or her presence felt the more - granted, everyone cannot be Beyonce Knowles or Shakira, or Queen Elizabeth II......but a commanding presence shouldn't be too difficult!
  
  Sorry for coming on so strong about this - I get a bit passionate about fickleness in love, especially the similarity between movies and real life these days.
   
  

• moonstone said on Aug 14, 2007....

  Believe me, being ignored isn't that hard. I'm not one to command attention. But when your husband would prefer to be out with his friends all the time or working on his own solitary projects, there's no place for me there. I wish my house was more like you describe a place to be. But that's not my life, sadly. And when I would try to talk to him, he didn't care to listen to me. How can you stay madly in love with someone when they do that to you? You shouldn't have to beg for attention in a marriage, should you? It should be given because the other person truly enjoys your company and you. I think that it was him who fell out of love with me first and I reacted accordingly. No one can be that lonely and still exist. At least I can't.

• Eilan said on Aug 14, 2007....

  Bronx: I frequent that particular adult website because I like to talk with (mostly) open-minded people about sex and relationships and the message board community is very active.  I'm not trolling for partners, though a lot of people use the site to do just that and thus assume that everyone else is there for the same reason.  In fact, I discovered SoulCast through the people I know from that site. 
  
  I could have cyber (and probably RL) experiences that don't involve my husband, but I don't want to. *shrug*
  

• Bronx said on Aug 14, 2007....

  moonstone: it's such a pity - one of Michael Douglas' movies had a similar theme: why cat and dog people should never be involved romantically.
  
  All would be well until something happens one day to change the relationship irreconcilably.
  

• Bronx said on Aug 14, 2007....

  Eilan: bully for you - trolling is so cheapening.....lucky guy, your husband. : - >

• TheKinkyCupcake said on Aug 18, 2007....

  I would consider it cheating. It's upsetting enough when your guy looks at another girl much less iming or camming.

• Bronx said on Aug 19, 2007....

  TKC: you've got a great point there, IMHO.
  
  BTW, WELCOME TO MY BLOG!
  

• TheKinkyCupcake said on Aug 19, 2007....

  Thanks ^^ x2

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