I am going to be honest : I do have a big sexual appetite. I am a very sexual person, and I like everything about sex. I am not ashamed to write about it, or talk about it, simply because I think it is the most natural thing in the world, and there is absolutely no shame about it what so ever.
Ever since I am sexually active I was all up for doing it with my partner. I am open minded and try most things I think isn't too sick, and I think that made me into a good sexual partner. I've never had any complains.
Most of the men I dated had about the same sexual appetite I do. Sex just wasn't a problematic subject in my life. There was never a time when either one of us in a relationship wanted more or less than whatever we've had.
Sadly, I also have my dry periods. When I am not dating, I don't go out for casual sex (I did have several one nighters, but those were during my clubbing years). If I am not in a relationship I can basically go without sex for a pretty long time. And when I say without sex, I mean, not counting masturbation.
Since I moved to Israel I've had no men in my life, therefore I've had no sex either. It was OK for a while, but the last couple of months I felt I was going mad.
So as some of you might know from other blogs, I've put myself out there, found me a guy, and started dating him.
Now I am facing something I've never had to deal with. This cutie pie doesn't seem to have the same sexual appetite I do. I've been seeing him for about 3-4 weeks now, and during this short time I can already come up with several different exuses why we were not haivng sex. They all make sence if you really wanna go into it deeply, but the truth is, that at his age (29) he should be the one trying to seduce me all the time, no matter what. Newernind that he is keeping his distance and we only get to see each other every here and there. But I would seriously think that when we do meet, he'd jump me like a bull. I am a sexy, young woman, I do want to get it on, and being very open about it - so what's the deal?
There is alway something - this happened, so it's not moral; that happened so it's just not right.... WHAT?????
Last night I invited him to my place, and asked him to stay in. I cooked like a Friday dinner - if you know what I mean - and I even went running before that, so I won't be too "stressed". It was the first time I allowed him to get into my world, my home, my personal privacy. I meant it as a gesture to show him that he could let his guards down too. See, he "can't fall in love". Whatever. I didn't care to show my face without make up - which is a huge step for me since I do believe in immige, and I truely believe that some people just don't have to see up they way we really are while some other people couldn't care less if we walk around in a simple short and a white t shirt. Our relationship just didn't pass that point yet, where I felt comfortable to show him who I really am. I think he is just not ready for it yet. However, yesterday was different. I almost didn't care.
So there we were, in an empty apartment, after a nice dinner, on a nice bed. I got to tell you, that since my home burned down last January, I didn't have a bed, and that was one of the reasons I never had people over. Just Friday I've got the bed thing sorted out, and I was soooooooo excited to finally selabrate over it. It is very important to me, and if you only care a little bit, you should know that. It should have been the very forst night when we're having crazy sex on my new bed! But the days just went by, and there was no crazy sex what so ever.
I really thought that yesterdayt will be THE night. Well, it wasn't. It turned out to be a lovely evening with a nice dinner, and some bonding thru my special head and face massage I only give to people I feel comfortable with. I do like the guy.
This time, the excuse was that I am around the time I have to get - hopefully - my period, and that he does not feel comfortable with blood.
I don't know if I made it clear, but there was, and still is absolutely no blood present yet. But it is time, and what if...
OMG!
I am so disapointed! I do respect him, I would never dishonor his feelings about sex. BUt it starts to make me feel like a crazy nimfo, who is by the way undesired by her partned.
Let me put it this way. The guy says he can't develop deep romantic feelings (fallng in love) AND he doesn't really go crazy about having sex with me either.
AM I CRAZY OR THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?????
I got to mention though, that I love every minute I am with him, and when we do have sex, it is actually pretty good.
I simply think that sex is like 80% in a relationship, especially when it comes to my sexual appetite, and if that doesn't work, we do have a serious problem.
Now, I am not trying to say I am going to end it right here, right now, cause I've had enough. All I'm saying is that it starts to feel like a marriage after about 7-8 years, when people feel that something is missing, but they are still better off than being alone.
And that is about what I am doing right now. I just go with the flow, at least not sitting at home alone, when we do get to be together, and getting used to him more like a good friend, a family member and less like a hot lover with romantic explosions...
Any thoughts?
