• quietone said on Aug 11, 2007....

  CW it is a sad day yes,"being alone with someone" is worse than just being alone alone.  I am alone alone, a lot myself...and have no one texting me or even calling mostly.  So, I do know how you feel...but like you say, bide your time and brighter days are ahead.  in the meantime you have your friends and your space here at SC.  {{{hugs}}

• CreativeWoman said on Aug 11, 2007....

  quietone,
  Thank you.  I feel better now.  I did go to the movie I mentioned.  That was a good pity party breaker.  :-)  I think PMS was affecting my mood some too.  Thank heaven for Midol. lol
  
  I wish you weren't so alone. 
  
  Hugs,
  
  CW
  

• botoni said on Aug 11, 2007....

  CW.....It will get better. You do very well at holding up under the strain you live with. Hang in there. Get your eye on that goal and never turn back!

• sweet_cookie01 said on Aug 12, 2007....

  aaaw yeah it sucks being in that feeling... sorry i cant offer anything to cheer you up... here let my microwave some popcorn and lets watch that Bourne movie... we'll sit side by side not talking just eating popcorn and watching somehow feeling okay knowing that you are not alone... (",)

• MissMimi said on Aug 12, 2007....

  CDub, I understand so well some of what you're feeling.  So much of the time I am alone in my marriage.  My husband's not quite as disconnected as yours appears to be, but nearly so.  I spend a lot of my days alone, and the routine is the same day after day.  Alone.

  I hope you do get out of the house, even if it's just to sit at the lake.  Sometimes I take a drive, with no destination in particular, just to feel like I'm part of the world.

  {{{{{{{CDub}}}}}}}}

• silverwhisper said on Aug 12, 2007....

  you know, i'm glad you have your someone, CW.
  
  all the things i would say, i have said already in one way or another, so i have left only this:
  
  [hug]
  
  ed

• Alyss said on Aug 12, 2007....

  CW, I am glad you can rely on your someone to text you and remind you that you are special. {hugs} for you.
  
  Married but alone is something I can equate to totally. At least now I really am alone in the house without him.
  
  
  

• wombat said on Aug 12, 2007....

  Hi, there.  I read this and can relate to how you have been feeling.  I know your circumstances are a bit different from mine, but the feeling are the same.  I felt that way in my last marriage also, and eventually left.  He (my ex) spent more time with his mother than me!  We would plan an outing, and she would call and say, "If so-in-so"  (me) isn't going, I'll go."   I would pack up my gear and do what you talked about--go to the lake and lay out and read all day!  They worked together in his business and he would eat over at her house most of the time--even when he expected me to cook every night!  They even took our son with them most of the time.  I got depressed alot, started not coming straight home from work, then one day told him I had found a place I wanted to rent.  He handed me the checkbook and told me to go for it!  The next day, he had packed my stuff and helped me move!
   
  As for this marriage, it is complicated as to why I feel so alone.  Off up here away from home and my son, who is practically grown now, but I still miss him.  His "family" doesn't seem like MY family.  I end up hanging around by myself, feeling lost and angry.  I go to my job, come home, and he is gone to his.   It is very seldom that I feel exactly "ok" about being here at all.  But I am working on it.  I don't expect to leave--especially as I don't have the money to do so, anyway!  I just have to try to accept that I live here now, and try to learn to be happy.  I think that is my problem--I just don't know how to be happy.
   
  Oh, wow.  I am sorry for ranting on your post!  Just wanted you to know you are not alone.  Glad you are able to deal with things in your own way.  And, yes, it is nice that you have someone that understands and cares!  I wish you the best in whatever happens.

• gingersoul said on Aug 12, 2007....

  CW......  I like to think that when a situation becomes unbearable i will move forward. The key is having options.  

  I can guess your loneliness too is a state of mind from where you are preparing to escape. And how comforting is having a dear one to keep you company and help uo to dream. I wouldn't call this beign alone but temporarily spaced out ....:-)

  I know how precious is having someone to cheer for you.

• CreativeWoman said on Aug 12, 2007....

  bot,
  Thank you.  I won't turn back.  I'll find my way.  Fate will play itself out.
  
  sweet cookie,
  I did go to the Bourne movie.  I had a small popcorn and a Diet Pepsi.  :-)  It was a great movie.  There were plenty of plot twists and fast action to keep my mind focused on it.
  
  Mimi,
  Thank you.  I know you know how I feel.  I wish you didn't.  ((((Hugs))))  I think I will go to the lake for a while this afternoon.  I went to the movie yesterday.  I'm going to go drop off some AVON books today too.
  
  Ed,
  Thank you.  You've always been supportive.  :-)  ((((Hugs))))
  
  Alyss,
  Thank you.  I have always related to you.  You have had more courage than me.  :-)  ((((Hugs))))
  
  wombat,
  I can relate to having a mother-in-law that is less than kind.  I also understand about his family not feeling like your family.  It's an outside looking in sort of situation.  It's hard because you don't bring that on yourself.  In my case, they just won't let me in.  I've never been part of the club.  I know that's a good thing though.  As much as I used to ache to belong, I realize I don't want to be a bit like them. 
  
  (You are always welcome to write as much as you like in your comments.  I don't mind at all.)
  
  ((((Hugs))))
  
  ginger,
  I am always working on my options.  Sometimes I have a little meltdown and that allows me to refocus on my goals.  I have to let the negative out to refill with the positive.  "Temporarily spaced out" is a good way to put it.  :-)
  
  CW
  

• TheWatcher said on Aug 12, 2007....

  What a sad situation for you. Being alone, when someone else is with you, is worse than being truly alone. But you have such a good inner spirit, that you manage to overcome this loneliness on most days. It means that you can enjoy your own company. That's a gift. Not everyone is like that.
  
  I do hope that someday you find the strength and courage to remove yourself from a loveless marriage. You deserve so much more than that. Everyone does. Stay strong. Good things will happen for you. You just have to be courageous enough to truly walk alone, and that's when you'll see how strong you really are.
  

• Alyss said on Aug 12, 2007....

  CW, You are a strong woman yourself, and courageous too. 
  
  I would like to echo Watcher's words; Walking alone is difficult, I can't deny that, but when you do you rediscover the strength that you thought you had lost and can begin to rediscover yourself too...
  
  
  
  
  

• CreativeWoman said on Aug 12, 2007....

  Watcher,
  Welcome to my blog. :-) Thank you for your kind words about my spirit.  I do have to find that courage to walk alone.  I'm trying to get myself in a financial place to do just that.
  
  Alyss,
  I have a lot of self-doubt that creeps in.  Once I learn to keep it at bay, I will be much better off.  Thank you for your encouragement.
  
  CW
  
  

• moonstone said on Aug 13, 2007....

  I have been reading some blogs here for a short while, but I only signed up today, so I could post. But I had to come back to this post that I read, because it was one of the reasons why I decided to join here. I feel almost as if I could have written this myself. I feel your pain and your loneliness so much. I am there too. In fact, as I type this, my husband is at work, and my son is with his friends, and I'm alone here, desperately trying to connect to someone. Anyone. And this is how I live my life everyday too.
  
  On the weekends, my husband does his thing, my son is doing his thing, and I have no thing. I can really relate to you so much. I hope the two of us can be friends here.
  

• CreativeWoman said on Aug 13, 2007....

  moonstone,
  Thank you for visiting my blog.  I'm very flattered by your kind words. It sounds like we have a lot in common.  I wish for your sake we didn't share that pain and loneliness you feel. I am sure you will find many friends here...myself included.  Welcome.
  
  CW
  

• queenparanoia said on Aug 14, 2007....

  so sory if i just read this cw. here i am complaining that nobody reads me. but now i understand that blogging is an outlet for all of us. so dont worry cw. i'm here for you... {{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}

• golddust said on Aug 16, 2007....

  owww,,,, I have been in the boat and know how u must have felt, some days do get better just like the weather.  I agree totally to what Watcher has said.  could not have agreed better.  Taking a walk is an excellent idea.  My gf enrols herself in a gym, myself after the days and time with my children I just escape to a cafe and drwoned myself in the women's magazine. 

• singlemom28 said on Aug 16, 2007....

   So sorry you are in such situation. I just got engaged with a nice guy I met on wealthyromance.com, I will cherish this love between him and me forever!

• CreativeWoman said on Aug 18, 2007....

  queen,
  Thank you.  (((hugs)))  I read you.  :-)
  
  gold,
  Thank you.  I hope I find the courage I need to leave one day.
  
  singlemom,
  Thank you.
  
  CW
  

• mehulv2005 said on Jun 19, 2008....

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• CreativeWoman said on Jun 19, 2008....

  mehuly,
  Thank you.  I really appreciate that.  :-)
  
  CW
  

• Antiqcool said on Nov 07, 2009....

  I wasn't at all sure about posting on this site. I hope people don't see it as an intrusion. I am trying to connect in a roundabout way. There is a difference between being alone and Being lonely. I am an independent artist and spend a good deal of time alone writing and recording but I rarely feel lonely. Music connects me with people all over the world. When the cabin fever gets too much I visit friends and relatives, sink a few beers, have a few laughs until I'm all set again. Sad songs are my specialty, thought you might enjoy listening to this. A shameless plug ? yes but it is relevant to your post and It's also a free and legal mp3 download. Girl in a Room http://soundcloud.com/antiqcool/girl-in-a-room-1

• CreativeWoman said on Nov 08, 2009....

  Antiqcool,
  It's a lovely song.  Thank you for the link.  I wish you great success.
  
  I still feel lonely quite often.  I try to take my mind off of it as best as I can.  I've turned to creating things on knitting looms.  I rely less on people.  I don't have that special friend I mentioned in this post anymore.
  
  I'm glad you have ways to re-center yourself.
  
  CW
  

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