If you have never read from a dog or cat's diary, here's your chance. This was pulled from that Great Web in the Sky.
A Dog's Diary:
6:00am - At last! I go pee! My favorite thing!
8:00am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30am- Got rubbed and petted!
12:00pm- Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
5:00pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
6:00pm - They're home! My favorite thing!
7:00pm - Played ball with them!
8:00pm - Wow! Watched tv with the people!
11:00pm- Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
A Cat's Diary:
Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped it at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. There was some talk of the power of "allergies". I must learn of this and use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in assassinating one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced the other inmates here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released- and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe...
for now...
beyondtheveil posted on Aug 11, 2007
| views: 851
Comments
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polarheart said on Aug 11, 2007....
That's brilliant, Beyond! I really enjoyed it :-)) -
secretlife said on Aug 11, 2007....
well, the dog one sounds just like my dog.....kinda duhhhhhhhhhand i'm still laughing over the cat one....thank god i don't have a cat! -
mobil said on Aug 11, 2007....
There are dog people and there are cat people. I am a dog people Beyond, yourpost about dogs describes my Border Collie to a T haha.I just got back from throwing a frizzbe for him, he goes into a trance to chase the damn thing, just to ride in the truck he's overwhelmed with joy.Cats, no thanks. -
silverwhisper said on Aug 12, 2007....
heh...i've seen this around a few times and never fail to laugh when i see it. :D
ed -
moonriver said on Aug 12, 2007....
beyond -- was laughing at the cat's diary entry from first to last line. assassination at the top of the stairs... perfect scenario. i agree -- i think the dog is a retard. but only that particular dog. my dogs have a slightly broader repertoire of behavior... :-)
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lfbno7 said on Aug 12, 2007....
My dog's diary.
Slept all day. Finally mom came home. That was amazing! That was awesome! Got so excited my tail couldn't stop wagging.
My cat's diary.
Slept all day. Messed with the dog a little.
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beyondtheveil said on Aug 12, 2007....
polar- Thanks. Always happy to make someone laugh.
secret- A lot of dogs seem pretty duh, don't they? I think its because they are so easily entertained. I can say "hey" to one of mine and they are up with their tail wagging. I'm jealous. How is it possible to be so happy?
mobil- I'm a dog person too, and like border collies. It does something for you to be able to make something so happy. Makes you feel good inside.
Ed- I'd seen this before also, but don't remember seeing it on this site. My wife and I were talking about it, laughing, and she said do a post. So I did.
moon- When we first saw this a few months ago, we were in tears about the cat. I only hope my dogs think more broadly, but sometimes wonder.
Ibfno- That's the story, Isn't it? I've also noticed when there is a dog and a cat, the cat is not at all above messing with the dog.
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muckpar said on Aug 12, 2007....
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muckpar said on Aug 12, 2007....
Sorry about that, I was just going to say the dog's diary fits mine to a tee. -
Imladris said on Aug 15, 2007....
Just seen this - brilliant -
beyondtheveil said on Aug 16, 2007....
muck- Fits mine too. I think it does for most of those creatures.
Imaldris- Thanks for reading. That cat is on the ball.
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.x.heart.of.gold.x. said on Aug 22, 2007....
i've already heard that one, but thanks anyway!!
.x.heart.of.gold.x. [ally]
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