I believe my sense of humor is the greatest gift I have ever been given because when I am focusing on the lighter side of life, it's easy to blow off the heavy side. When I am entertaining people, they don't ask any real questions about my life. And when I surround myself by laughter, I forget about the circumstances that brought me to where I am. My sense of humor is my defense against my reality and the only thing that makes me feel normal.
There are just some days that my sense of humor fails me. It isn't something that someone else says or does that takes it away, it is something that triggers a memory and my gift escapes me. And when it's gone, I am left alone to deal with my reality.... the reality that I am the oldest 27 year old that I have ever met and I am tired.
I'm tired of hearing the odds of something and knowing that that one out of how many will be my child. Between the two of them, we've done an umbilical hernia, reactions to vaccines, reactions to pain medication, sedation and anesthesia. We've done cerebral palsy, heart murmur, laryngomalacia with stridor, sleep apnea, GERD, sensory issues and RSV. One had a tooth pulled and turned yellow. He had his tonsils and adenoids out and ended up with pulmonary edema. My youngest son had an endoscopy and bronchoscopy while the other was in physical therapy. We've seen pediatric cardiologists, neurologists, gastroenterologists, pulmonologists, ENTs, physical therapists, occupational therapists, respiratory therapists, dieticians, orthopedic surgeons and developmental aides. I could go on and on.... And I'm just tired.... physically, mentally and most of all.... emotionally.
When you have a sick child....or two, the highs are much higher but the lows are as low as they get. And you can only go back and forth so many times before you choose not to feel anything at all. I have been there enough over the last seven years to know it is not where I want to live my life. So, I use my sense of humor to distract myself. And I use it to distract the people around me. And when we are all laughing, I can feel like the person I used to be.
What is your biggest asset? What gift do you rely on to get you through your life?
