One on the VP’s at work thinks I am one sick puppy.  I am truly grateful she is really cool.  Because if she wasn’t, I’d be sooooo fired.  She is in her 50’s and really pretty, but she works around a bunch of guys.  We work in construction, high end, big time, mega dollar stuff.  So we need a really poised, calm, perfectly dressed professional to put up a good front for the drunken hell raisers the rest of us are.  She’s perfect.

Ok so for anyone who does not know, last Friday I got a vasectomy (I had my nuts worked on).  A result of the minor surgery is major swelling; my boys are still really big.  So I have been following my doctor’s advice and using ice whenever possible for an entire week.

Hauling around an ice pack at work is too much trouble so I just freeze a bottle of water and put it between my legs while I’m working at my desk.  It works really well.  The ice helps with the swelling and the discomfort.

Anyway, here’s what happened.

I am at my desk working on my computer, (the screen is facing away from the door).  She (lets call her G) wanders into my office and walks over to me and puts a cost analysis spreadsheet on the table right by me.

I assumed from her position she spotted the frozen water bottle I was using to cool my guys with.  So I said, “Don’t ask.” 

She just started laughing and said “don’t worry; I’m not even going to look at your screen.  I was like No, I didn’t mean that...and I pointed to my crotch and said I thought you saw this big….”

She screamed and ran from my office laughing.  I didn’t get to finish or explain or anything. 

It dawned on me that she thought I was looking at porn and was trying to tell her I had a huge boner.  And there was really nothing I could say to change her mind, she just ran away laughing and took me for a freak.

You know, this kind of shit doesn’t happen to just anyone.  I am a special breed of social misfit.