my husband must be hitting his all-time low being bored stage sitting in jail, because he writes me a letter. Which, in itself, isn't all that unusual because he writes me letters quite often. However, he has never really been the one to ask the dreaded questions.. the hypothetical questions that we all adore so very, very much. Don't get me wrong, you must be prepared for them at all times, but these are the kind of questions that usually occur about 10 minutes after great sex... you know the moment, when all of the blood is still absent from anywhere in the body, but especially the brain? If this was one of those moments, I could kind of understand these questions a little better. But these are not only hypothetical, but super hypothetical. These aren't normal inquires, like "What would happen if I accidentally rammed your car into a tree?" (Please don't). They are questions about situations or problems that aren't humanly possible, like "If I committed suicide and came back to life, would you forgive me?" What exactly should my response be to something like that, first of all? If this actually happened to be a moment after sex that something like this is asked, which in this case it is not, I would probably just try to pretend to be asleep; otherwise you risk that nice peacefulness of lying down trying to catch your breath. If that didn't work; well, I would just answer to the best of my ability and try not to yell something like "would you shut up with the what if's already??" So, fortunately, (or unfortunately, depending on which way you look at it), this is not one of those particular moments, seeing as how he is in jail, but through a crazed letter writing episode with questions that are just as bizarre. This is just plain weird. They all start with: "What would you do if.... ....I couldn't get you wet?" ....my arms and legs fell off?" ....we got married in Japan and had to eat with chop sticks?" ....my penis didn't have a head?" ....I turned into an animal?" ....the only food in the world was tofu?" ....all the trees became extinct?" ....music didn't exist?" ....the Cowboys won the Super Bowl?" And my answers: There's always KY, but I'd be concerned. What the F#&*? Learn how to use chop sticks. Close my eyes. What kind? Guess I wouldn't be eating much. Dan, we would die. Make some. Leave me alone already. Where do these questions come from? Is this normal? Dan, when you finally get a chance to read this, you know I'm just venting, right? RIGHT?! It's probably a good thing he can't see this right now, although I'll send him my answers soon. I don't think I'd get much play tonight if he could.