As a public service to all SoulCast readers, I am posting my newly created Rules for Wheelchair Living.
1. Never try to push yourself with just one arm. You'll go nowhere fast, and get dizzy in the process.
2. Never sit in your wheelchair for any length of time without covering your derriere, especially in the summer. You will soon have issues concerning butt sweat.
3. Never sit in your wheelchair without a towel if you have recently gotten the upholstery washed. You'll soon experience damp nether regions, and not in a good way.
4. Try to avoid wearing clothing made of slippery silky fabric. In the alternative, consider installing non-skid shower decals to the seat.
5. A wheelchair that's ridden in the trunk of the car in the winter will be very cold when you first sit in it. You've been warned.
6. Always and I mean ALWAYS use your brakes when stopped on an incline. You'll only make that mistake once, I guarantee it.
7. Even though your eye level will be at most people's crotch level, try not to stare too pointedly. People will think you're a pervert.
8. Avoid running over cat or dog tails, Legos, Matchbox cars, eyeglasses, and garden hoses.
9. Do not attempt to use an escalator in your wheelchair. Yes, I tried this in my misspent youth, and no, it is not a good idea.
10. Above all, take these rules in the light-hearted fun way in which they were meant. If you can't laugh a little about it, you're not living--you're merely existing.
