After being sigle for a while, I've decided that I'll use the time while my son is at his dad's for the summer, and give myself another chance online. I really don't have the time or the oppurtinity to go out and meet people, so the online dating started to look much less dokey as I used to think it was. First I signed up for a free site, and it was far from successful. Than I decided that I shouldn't be so cheap, and went up on a Jewish online dating site. Yeah, I thought I'd have better luck if at least I have the religion thing down.

Amazingly, there were several good looking, attractive single men up there - how come they're all single??

I clicked, but really I didn't have to, cause my mail box was always filled with winks and e mails. However, I had to realize, that the online dating is just as dissapointing as the real life dating is. Guys just want to get layed, they just want fast love, and now they don't even have to move out of the comfortable chair to do that.

I've decided that I will not even answer to guys with no picture, and I made sure I was writting only in Eglish. Most of the guys aproaching me are from Israel, and though I do speak Hebrew, I want to see that they at least have a head on their shoulders. If some one contatcts me, first I check out his profile, and if the education level, employment and marital status is checked, than I look at the picture - than start talking to them.

Now I don't know what's the deal with people asking for my MSN right away, since the stie works exactly as any other messenger service. You can do anything you'd do on the messenger, only here you don't have to give them your e mail address, and you can keep your privacy. What's the deal?

Than here is the phone number - they don't want to write. They want to talk on the phone. Well, I don't give out my number to strangers, I'm sorry.

What can I say, after a couple of days I was sure I'm waisting my money on this silly online dating. I mean, these guys are not looking for love. They are not looking for getting to know the gils at all. They just want to have fun. Not that I have a problem with that, but I can't they do the same at the clubs? At least there they have drunk girls falling out of their pants sometimes. One really handsome guy, who seemed to be funny and cool and nice and all, wanted to pick me up at 3am after a couple of conversations. I wonder what he wanted to do at that hour...

Than, after just a week being up on the list, I started to talk to this guy. He is really sweet, and for some reason I wanted to call me from the very first online conversation. Once he called and we talked on the phone, I felt as if I knew him a long time ago, and I just couldn't wait to see him. We've had a first date, and I did EVERYTHING wrong. We went out to a club and on the way to it I didn't stop talking, and making pictures of him and us with my phone! Than at the club I've had several drinks and when it started to mess up my brain activity I started to dance as if I was out with my girls instead of a first date. I don't remember when and how he kissed me for the first time, but I kissed back and from that point on we were kissing the whole night. It ended with the most romantic sex scene ever - I'm not gonna give out detales, cause I like to keep them private, but belive me, it was extremely romantic, and it had nothing to do with a bed. Going home we were both smiling like little kids after a good day at Disney's, and we kept saying how perfect this date was.  I am still seeing him, and every minute feel good with him.

There is only one problem with this picture. Him too, like all the others, says the same lame bullshit. He was hurt before and now he cannot fall in love. He just wants to have fun, and not to engage himself in any responsible realtionship. He doesn't want me to develop feeling for him, cause "he doesn't want to hurt me" in case he won't be able to return these feelings. I know exactly what all that means. I know these lines probably better than he thinks he does. I know how inpossible this whole relationship is.  No, this is not one of those online success stories that gonna end up in marriage. I will probably not write my thank you letter to the site and it won't be posted on the front page.

I don't know how other people do find true love on the net. I really started to respect those freaks who start out by saying: " I'm looking for sex, are you interested?". At least they're honest, and I'm sure they do find their match too. But what's teh point in dating and keep on dating if you KNOW this is not IT? Isn't that a waist of time?

I my case, I simply had enough of going out with all kind of different guys, so I figured I go out with this one, and I'll keep on doing it as long as it lasts. I mean, if something better comes up, I'll be open, cause I know that as long as some one "just can't love", m future with him is nonexisting. But right now, I am having fun, it feels good, and at least I am not out on the meet market again.