I made this into a separate post because the other one was already long. Plus, this is just miscellaneous stuff that has nothing to do with the wedding. Although this first thing has to do with the trip we took to see the wedding location. I mentioned in my other post, that we took a nice drive in my convertible. And it really was fun. We had the music blasting and we were both singing along like two morons. But it was okay because no one could really hear us as we whipped up the highway at 70mph. But on the way home, we were back in the city. And we were sitting at this stoplight when some dude starts wandering through the traffic. He’s knocking on people’s windows and talking to himself. And when he started to come closer to our car, I kind of freaked out a little. We had the top down, so I was envisioning him hopping in the back seat and asking us for a ride. Or killing us. He looked really freaky.
So I’m telling Natalie to hurry and put the windows up, while I’m pressing the button to get the top back on. And before I can get it all the way done, this crazy dude walks up to my window. And he was wearing a hospital bracelet! I think he just escaped. He didn’t have on any shoes either, but thankfully he did have clothes on. He wasn’t in a hospital gown. But he’s knocking on my window, as I’m snapping the lock on the top into place. And he’s yelling at me, “they stole my pants!” But like I said he had pants on. I have no idea what he was talking about. And he’s asking me for help.
What the hell do you do in a situation like that? He was obviously out of his mind. I don’t know if he was drugged up or had amnesia or if he was just plain crazy. But I wasn’t gonna help him find his stolen pants! And the weirdest thing was, we weren’t near any hospitals. Not within walking distance anyway. And I asked Natalie what the hell we were supposed to do. I mean, she’s a nurse. I thought maybe she’d be all charitable and stuff and tell me to let him in the car and take him back to the hospital to find his pants. But when I looked at her she laughed and said, “I don’t want that guy in our car!” And she told me to just hurry up and drive away. The light had changed. But he was leaning on my car! I couldn’t just drive off with some crazy dude leaning on my window!
So Natalie screams at him (because the windows were up and she wanted to make sure he heard) “get the hell away from our car!” And she does this right in my ear, I might add. And the guy looks at her for a second, then he just backs away from the car, while other people are honking at him (and me) because we’re blocking traffic. But then I just took off. Was that wrong? What would you do? Obviously he was deranged in some way. I couldn’t help him. And Natalie was a little scared and wasn’t feeling very helpful either. But she did call the police and tell them a lunatic was wandering around in traffic with a hospital bracelet on. I assume they picked him up. We weren’t the only people who had called. I felt a little bad though for skidding away from the scene like I did. But you can’t help everyone, right? We called the cops and I’m sure they helped him find his stolen pants. But I swear, this town is filled with crazy people! They’re everywhere.
And speaking of crazy…I’ve come to the conclusion that this neighborhood is the noisiest place I’ve ever lived. I’m happy to say that the gunshot sounds have gone away. But last night, another new sound. At first, I had no idea what this was either. It sound like a loud bang, with a ping. And it kept happening over and over. And this time, it was close. It wasn’t way off in the distance. I actually got out of bed at midnight, went into the backyard, and looked over the back fence. The crazy fuck who lives in that house, was outside chopping wood! It’s August, okay. In California. We don’t need to use a fireplace. Plus, it was the middle of the night! What does he need freshly chopped wood for? But he’s back there with a log splitter and he’s hitting it with a mallet or something. That was the pinging sound.
But since we’re new in the place, I don’t wanna piss people off. Especially this guy. I think he’s off his rocker. Two days ago, he put a satellite dish on his roof. But I don’t mean one of those little Dish Network things. I’m talking a full size satellite dish. What the hell is he doing with that? Communicating with aliens? No one has a dish like that anymore. And he’s got empty gravestone markers decorating his backyard. I’m told by Dylan (the guy who lives in our duplex) that this guy makes gravestones for a living. And he uses the extra marble for his landscaping. He has two huge urns sitting in front of his house with flowers in them! He’s very weird. And there he is at midnight, chopping wood.
I kept thinking he would stop, and then I wouldn’t have to say anything. But he didn’t stop. He was out there for thirty minutes, until I finally snapped. I went back outside, stuck my head over the fence again, and said, “dude, do you own a clock?” Wood chopping time is over! He looked up at me with some surprise, because I guess he wasn’t expecting someone to be staring at him. But then he tells me, “it’s only 9:30pm.” He has another half hour before it’s unacceptable to make noise. 10pm is the rule. It says so in the neighborhood handbook. Wow. He’s not only crazy, but living in a different time period from the rest of LA.
I informed him that he was about 3 hours behind. It was 12:30am. Maybe his enormous satellite dish was creating a force field around his house that altered the space/time continuum? He didn’t find me funny, even if I thought that was a good one. That was funny wasn’t it? Anyway, he insists that I’m wrong. He just looked at the clock and he knows what time it is. Uh, I beg to differ. And he actually argued with me for five minutes, until he finally just threw down his wood chopping stuff and went inside the house. I figured I’d really pissed him off, but I didn’t care. I was tired! But just as I was going back inside my house, he yells over the fence, “you were right! Sorry! I don’t know where the time went…” Yeah, he’s a fruitcake. Maybe he was on drugs? Who knows?
But yeah, living here is definitely interesting. So many strange noises and people…but I guess it makes it more exciting, right? Hopefully tonight I’ll actually get some sleep.
-evil_twin LA
