Warning, though I don't speak like an ass, when I'm telling a story or something I tend to say "and" + "then" alot.(though i'm trying to cut down on that, so.)

 

A few nights ago I had this dream. I'm in this classroom, with all theese people. It's alot different than the classrooms of the school i'm currently in, so it might be me imagining what the grade I will be attending in about a (school-) year will look like.

But i'm sitting next to this boy, and my old teacher from last year(06-07) is like, "Let's rock 'n roll! Get a partner or into a group.", and I automaticaly know/think that she wants us to do some musical thing/activity. I turn to the boy next to me, oh, and please note that pretty much all the people in this dream I know, this is the only boy who doesn't even attend my school, and evidently I must like this boy because I feel thrilled when I saw him and such, I ask him, "Wanna be my partner?". He says yes. This kid, erm, let's use his nickname for now, Mo, he rushes over as soon as he agrees, and whispers something in his ear. Then the both of them burst out laughing. The boy, while barely getting it out through his outbursts of giggling and snickering, manages to stumble out, "S-sorry...-snicker-...Kristi....never..-snort, laugh-...mind..."

Now let's cut it there for a moment and let me explain something. During the recent school year, it was the first time I was majorly bullied. And let me tell you, it was as constant as eating and drinking. I have experiences bullying before but this is the first time where it's ever gotten to such a point that it's been nearly unbearable. Mo was in my class and was one of them. But he also used to be one of my friends... I have no idea what the hell happened. But I was quick to see a fast change in him from the first day of school to a few weeks/months after. As soon as he started hanging with the Dans, the ever-hated pair by my best friend and I(and I few others), he slowly morphed into something I wished we would never become. I used to be able to talk to him normally. What I mean by normally, is, I could sit next to him and have a decent conversation. After he came in contact with the Dans, I couldn't have a normal conversation with him anymore. Without him, scooting wayyy over away from me, or mentioning "Do you smell that?" or just being utterly rude. And this upset me.

In an Art class, we had this little game of 'germs'. Y'know, when you were a little kid and thought the opposite sex had cooties? And you would touch your little brother, and then run to one of your best friends whom you invited to your sleepover party, and shout "BOY COOTIESSS!!!!", then run away and everyone would have a cootie fight?

Well, that's basicaly what it was, and right now speaking of it, I think this is where it all broke down.

After that day, I swear. If I went to go get my backpack and people where there, they would start to back away from me like I had Mono, or HIV/AIDS, or afluenza.

This bothered me a whole lot. I lost alot of what I thought where some nice people. And it's like...OCD or something. I don't know why either, when I'm always striving to be different and not ever be apart of or effected of pop-culture.(which can I say; so warped, I can even give you an example to show how much it is? -coughMTVcough-) I have an ever-constant fear of not being accepted by people. Yet it doesn't bother me online.(i guess because of the fact that if it doesn't seem like people like me on a forum, I can just surf around for another one to join.) I would never change myself to be accepted by anyone, though. If i'm meeting new people and i'm being social(and not anti-social like if my parents drag me to something like a dinner-party), I also constantly worry for that whole period of time weather or not people will like me. The more I think about it, dude what if I do have OCD or something like it O_O (that's something for me to search today.)

I guess it's because i've always had a fear of being made-fun of and such, but then again, who doesn't? But now that i've been bullied for pretty much a whole school year, that little obsession has gotten stronger, and I fear that it'll lash out on the first day of school.

anyways, back to the dream.

I turn around and face forward and sit there listening to them laugh their asses off, introduce themselves to eachother and they move away, start to become good friends.

After this dream it made me think, usualy dreams like this always make me think.

And i've come to the unwanted and stressful conclusion. A fact of life. Something that many people don't want to hear but understand it comepletely, or fail to acquire.

That no matter where you are, how old you are, what you are, if that person goes through the same thing as you, whatever. That people are going to hurt you in some way, be it physicaly or emotionaly. People are going to make fun of you, and 99% of the time they fail to remember what it feels like. And even if they are reminded of the emotional pain of bullying and teasing, they most likely don't care, and they brush it off. Or don't stop until they're perscribed of they're own medicine. Or if there are teachers and school staff/officials involved they only stop because they try not to get caught or they simply don't want to get in trouble.(which bothered me because this is what only like, 2 people did after my teacher talked to the girls about some bullying problems.)

Bullying, teasing, or gossip, everyone's always talking about someone. And it's the sad truth, too, unfortunately.

-sigh- When will people ever learn?