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HELP!!! witty comebacks needed

jadestar posted on Jul 30, 2007 | views: 11031 | Tags: advice, Comebacks, pre-teens, life, girls, Zoey91, pre teens
My daughter gets teased a lot - you'd think that at a Christian school it would be different but...noooooo.....& it's something I can really lose my fruit over.
She's really skinny. Her dad's skinny & in the pre-30's days, I was skinny. Both dad & I have buck teeth, so she inherited those too. He's given her nothing else, so I tell her at least he left her with a beautiful olive complexion & curly hair (which she hates anyway - crazy kid - what I would do for those curls)
So there you have it...skinny, buck teeth, hair that frizzes from time to time &, as I've mentioned before, battling in school work.
Now experience tells us ladies, that come the teens & 20-somethings, those girls are going to be choking on their words - or coughing up their food - trying to look like her. That doesn't help her much. She's also very shy...
So this is my idea...arm her with some witty comebacks....not too bitchy...I don't want her to get into trouble with authority figures...so the remarks have to kind of fly under the radar.
 
I'm a bit stumped. the only one I can come up with is: (smiling sweetly) gee, I just don't know how to be as nasty as you.
 
So that's my first "armament" for her.
 
Maybe I SHOULD rather be teaching her to turn the other cheek. But damn, these kids can be NASTY & she's battling with her self esteem as it is.
 
sooo...if you have advice..or better yet some comebacks she can use, pleeeez, help.
 
I'm sort of banned (well, extremely limited) from internet right now, so I'll try check in every now & then & see if anyone out there could come up with something useful


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Comments

  • quietone said on Jul 30, 2007....
    jade ~ the old saying is you get more bears with honey.  As hard as it is for a kid to understand that, it does work.  Maybe she should just say "thanks for that wonderful compliment" and walk away. If I were on the recieving end of that statement, I'd feel pretty small after saying something nasty. Well, that was my 2 cents.
  • jadestar said on Jul 30, 2007....
    you're probably right. She is generally a good natured kid, and normally does turn the other cheek. I just hate that her feelings get hurt & she gets picked on a lot. It's a small school. If you don't fit into the one & only clique, then who do you socialise with? I'm probably just getting a bit OTT here.
  • exhibit_c said on Jul 30, 2007....
    I think kids are pretty immune to witty retorts.. ("I'm rubber, you're glue,  insults bounce off me and stick to you!")  She needs to understand that girls being bitchy and calling people names make themselves look small. ("Gee, did you learn that from some kid in the 3rd grade?")
  • silverwhisper said on Jul 30, 2007....
    i think the proper response is something along the lines of "you know, for you to say something like that means a few things about you..." and then proceed to dissect what was said.

    ed
  • minniemouse said on Jul 30, 2007....

    I would focus more on whats good about her, help her to feel confident in herself and her skin and not worry about comebacks (although, having two girls myself, I know how hard it must be not to want to beat the snot out of these kids!). 

    If she can learn to be cool and confident in the face of adversity, she will be set for life.  Maybe if you can, sign her up for classes that teach etiquette or public speaking....something simple like a make-over day for you and her.  Take her to a salon, have them teach her how to "tame her curls".  Do things with her that inspire confidence in her.  :-)  Minnie

  • Rain_Storm said on Jul 30, 2007....
    My daughter had a similar situation happen in school, but instead of turning the other cheek, she lashed out physically or very verbally. H couldn't get the school to put an end to the teasing and at the same time I couldn't allow my daughter to hurt other kids physically, but something had to be done to stop these kids. So we taught her to use her words in a positive way so she would not lose control of herself, and at the same time the kids picking on her, were baffled and in the end stopped picking on her. She would use comments like thank you very much, or oh thats so sweet of you, OH WOW i didn't know you like me that much, you're such a good friend for saying that thank you so much, etc... now of course these comments were sarcastic but the  kids picking on her wanted the reaction of her blowing up, and when she proved she could maintain  herself calmly, they left her alone. Hope that helps!
  • gingersoul said on Jul 30, 2007....

    Jade......oh, i can relate to you. I have a 12 y-o daughter. I am constantly telling positive words to reinforce her self esteem. I focus on her being intelligent, smart, fun, witty, sweet, easy going, curious and adventouros. Then when we get down to the basic - body image - i give her room to complain about herslef. She has to know i am listening and i am not disrefarding her complains as silly.

    They are real and she can be suffering because of them.

    The only things she is really concerned right now are some pre-puberty belly and some pimples. I teach her how to choose the rigth food and i show it also eating good myself. I show her to work our, which exercise she can do to improve her body and i do the same for me. I am open to buy her stuff that can help her to feel more pretty. Nothisn big but some flat ironing for her hair, some lipgloss, some cute outfit....   

    You are right, your daughter will be the envy of all her frirends. But righ now, right here she doesn't like herself. Show her pixs of models who have her same body shape, tell her that each woman is different  and she is beautiful as she can be,

    About the witty comment i tell you what i taught my girl.

    "Its a pity you are so shallow and vain. But since i dont care about your opinion one little bit you can talk as long as you want. It doesn't bother me. Save your voice. Ciao. Ciao" . I tell my daugher that sometimes if she doesn have confidence well she has to fake it.

    Because being confident and happy is the best reaction to any stupid and nasty comments. I have developed this tecnique since middle school and it has been working great since then in any occasion. 

    Good luck.

  • Mamie said on Jul 30, 2007....
    when someone says something that is obviously rude, I (still) usually say, "excuse me, can you repeat that? I didn't hear you..." The losers rarely have as much punch when they repeat it a second time (which they always do, because they are stupid) and then I just say "oh.". It takes all the emotion out of the situation. Good luck, girls can be vicious! Mamie
  • lioneljay said on Jul 30, 2007....
    Here are a few comebacks/insults that may or may not ever work for your daughter. In any event, the two of you might have a few good laughs together reading through this list and imagining saying them to some snotty teen bully:

    I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
    I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
    I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
    I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
    I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
    Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
    What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
    If I throw a stick, will you leave?
    Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
    I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
    Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
    How do I set a laser printer to stun?
    Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
    Oh I get it... like humor... but different...


  • fearing said on Jul 30, 2007....
    I've just witnessed this with my young son who LOVES to tease his cousin.  Whenever he starts saying something that used to upset her or call her names, she smiles sweetly and says "Really?  Why thank you!  That was very nice of you.".  It drives him NUTS!!  He gets so mad he can't see straight and tries even harder to get her goat.  She still just laughs and thanks him.  In the end, she is laughing and not hurt and he is ticked completely.  It is hilarious.  I've started advising some of the kids at preschool (obviously the older ones) to try it and the ones that do - continue to use it.  It'll be tough to get her to say it but if she does and uses it well, the tables will turn.  Best part - she hasn't been mean or spiteful and learned a good lesson.  
  • MrSlacks said on Jul 30, 2007....
    My advice is, no matter what the insult, reply by asking the person to submit a 4-page essay on what their least favorite dairy product is and why.  When they begin to look confused, you pull out a wedge of your favorite cheese, hand it to them, look deep into the cheese's eyes and wish it well with its new owner.  As you walk away, always skip happily while whistling "Taps" or the funeral dirge of your choice.
  • destinydiva said on Jul 30, 2007....
    please delete this in a few hours....but I always got called monkey at school... on holiday.... in the pub....even at 18!!!
    when you hear it that often it kinda convinces you they are right..... it ruined my earlier years..... my mum always said to say to them....wow thank you...I 'm flattered...monkeys are my fav. creature...and by far the cutest....I said it but never truly meant it.
    kids are cruel......so are some adults...my ex hub used to say it cus he knew how deep it cut... I feel for your daughter..... and I dont think anything you say to her will help her realise untill she is an adult and realises for herself that beauty is within...and those that knock her are just jealous.... and I totally believe in the
    ugly duckling story...look at angelina ...jen aniston....  etc....

    I think the key is to teach her that beauty is within...she has to love herself before she can shrug off the comments...many kids do it...it took me almost 30 yrs but I made it  :-)

    failing that...heres some comebacks :-) ........  
    • oh I wish I had enough time to waste thinking up ways of hurting people to make me feel better about myself...oh unlike you.... I dont need to feel better about myself....
    • congratulations ... you must have spent hours figuring out the best way to hurt me today you did it... happy??  sleep well tonight....
    • f&%k you!!!!!  lol ok she too young for that one!!
    • I'll write that one down...wonder if one day somebody will make your daughter this unhappy
    age old theory of dont let them know it bothers you...in my opinion and experience doesnt work!!  sometimes...making them see the effect they are having can have a better outcome??
    sorry I droaned on..  bullying is a subject close to my heart...


    ps.......do i look like a monkey?????

    <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/9742122@N02/738425622/" title="Photo Sharing"><img src="http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1298/738425622_da44a65439_o.jpg" width="640" height="480" alt="meeeee" /></a>

    Destiny xx
  • destinydiva said on Jul 30, 2007....
    http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1298/738425622_c1b7ab48d5.jpg

    hmmm     try again............   :-)
  • destinydiva said on Jul 30, 2007....
    mmmmm okay I'll quit trying

    ps I dont look like a monkey :-)
  • destinydiva said on Jul 30, 2007....
    lionjay they were classics!!!  where were you 20 years ago!!!!  lol !!!  :-)
  • jadestar said on Jul 31, 2007....
    Guys: thank you so much. I got a few chuckles there. I've decided to print this out & read it with my daughter. At least she'll know: I care; there are good people out there; lots of people go through this & finally (MOST importantly) there can be a funny side to this. I wish I could comment to each of you individually, but I'm having a bit of internet connection trouble. I keep getting 'booted out'. what gives?
     
    Anyway - you guys are wonderful: big UPS to you. THANK YOU!
  • jadestar said on Jul 31, 2007....
    I have limited time on the internet & lately even more so, but this post has introduced me to some very cool people. Thanx for stopping by. Hopefully I'll be able to 'steal' some time to catch up & get to know you better.
  • Suddenrain said on Jul 31, 2007....
    One of my favorite comebacks is..."if your oppinion really mattered, that Might hurt".  Gets them every time. :-)
  • silverwhisper said on Jul 31, 2007....
    i like LJ's and suddenrain's suggestions. a lot. :>

    ed
  • jadestar said on Jul 31, 2007....
    thanx, sudden - it is a good one. I'll have to add it to the rest. i think she's going to get a kick out of this.
  • destinydiva said on Jul 31, 2007....
    sudden thats a really good one!!
    jade have fun with your daughter...I hope your back to normal with your connection soon...I get mine on today yeeyeyeyeyeyyyyyyyy  :-) I can play some games again :-) i need ya!! 
    Destiny xx

  • jadestar said on Jul 31, 2007....

    look forward to it des.

    BTW everyone, we did have fun last night when I sang to her: "hey hey you you I don't like your girlfriends, no way, i think you need new ones..." (my bad, I know)

  • Suddenrain said on Jul 31, 2007....
    Another good one..."you (persons name here)are a butthead. everytime you open your mouth, crap comes out". How old is she 10? Maybe not then. :-/
  • gingersoul said on Jul 31, 2007....
    Jade......lol......Avril Lavigne's song is my daughter favorite too.....hey, maybe the two of them could start emailing to each other...who knows?...
  • jadestar said on Aug 01, 2007....
    ginger, at the moment the only access I have to the internet is @ work, but given time...who knows?
     
    Sudden, THAT is a good one, you crazy chick, but given her age, hmmmmm, maybe a little inappropriate :-)
  • emmy141 said on Jan 05, 2008....
    just tell her to be really nice to them, no matter what they say.
    saying things like thanks and thats so sweet.
    they work much better than anything mean you could say
    and shell get a reputation as the nice one whos a great friend, not a total bitch
    besides. once she grows up all those girls will be dying for your daughters looks. I know i would
  • anonymous said on Apr 27, 2008....
    Tell her to use sarcasm. I have buck teeth, and when someone adds unessesary commentary about my smile, I grin a huge grin and go "I know right, my teeth are soooo much better than yours," or I say something like "I know, I was born with the wrong set of teeth, these don't match my personality, but they go with yours great." Using sarcasm or saying thank you or something really catches the person off guard.
  • anonymous said on Jun 16, 2008....
    Say, "hey you know for someone your age you are actiing like your two!" or "hey go find someone who actually care swhat u say and think bcuz i don't have an attention span for meanness" then walk away with a HUGE grin on your face!!!

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simplyconfused posted on Oct 12, 2009 | views: 177 | Tags: depressed, friend, suicidal, advice, i hope this helps, Dobbs, Ask yrself
Advice about a friend who is deeply troubled, but I can't do anything to help.... read entire post 21 comments