I just finished doing some writing work with theater people. I was apprehensive about taking the job, because I'd heard theater people are a little odd. It turns out that I was wrong. Theater people are not odd; they are completely insane.
First of all, theater people come up with the strangest ideas I have ever heard. You'll be in the middle of a normal discussion of a play, and they'll start saying things like, "Hey, why don't we have all the actors sing their parts in raggae style?" or "I think that the piano should be put in a tree." I know those sound like jokes, but the theater people were dead serious about those ideas. This is why they have productions of "Hamlet" that take place on the moon.
Sample Theater Conversation:
Person One: So we're going to do "Hamlet", right?
Person Two: Right.
Person One: Where do we stage the play?
Person Two: Well, the play is about a 14th century king in Denmark. Should we put in it 14th century Denmark?
Person One: No! Let's put it on the moon!
Six times, the police came and arrested every single theater person in the room, claiming that their ideas were "substanial proof that illegal drug usage had occured".
The other weird thing about theater people is their concept of dialogue. Apparently, every piece of dialogue has a "hidden" meaning which never gets said. A handy chart will explain things here.
Sample Dialogue: "There is an apple on the table."
Possible Meanings:
[list][*]I think Abraham Lincoln was the best President ever.
[*]My wife is having an affair with a German Shepherd.
[*]Let's do a production of Hamlet that takes place on the moon.[/list]
Impossible Meaning:
[list][*]There is an apple on the table.[/list]
So whenever I wrote something, the theater people would discuss the hidden meaning of whatever I wrote. This confused the hell out of me, because I never wrote anything with a hidden meaning. The only possible conclusion, therefore, is that theater people are insane.
Blatherskite posted on Jul 24, 2006
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Comments
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Rainydays said on Jul 24, 2006....
This is the funniest blog post I've seen on Soulcast so far. :D And I know you're not exaggerating at all. -
hotaka said on Jul 24, 2006....
My kingdom for a hoarse. This could mean that I need to sing my next line with a scratchier voice or it could also mean that I am a lousy speller. Probably the ladder. Very amusing and enlightening blog. Your life has become enriched through exposure to such genius minds. Did they think of how the piano would be kept in place in the tree? Because in my experience, pianos don't sit well in trees and tend to tip over when you play the keys at the far left side of the keyboard. -
semisecret said on Jul 24, 2006....
As an insane theatre person among primarily uninsane theatre people (or insane people who like to participate in theatre but are really not insane theatre people), I am jealous. And why would you write a play if you're not a theatre person (insane or otherwise)? That just strikes me as some form of death for all involved. -
TheNakedProfessor said on Jul 24, 2006....
There are "hidden" meanings in your writings just as there are in all forms of communication. They are even hidden from you, the author. Why? Because no one, including you, fully understands their own motivations. And even if they are close to THAT, words can mean different things to different folk in different contexts. No one should write for the collaborative arts if they don't get this. Why the hell did they ask you to participate? Are you creative? It sounds like you should be writing technical manuals. With love, TNP -
Blatherskite said on Jul 24, 2006....
I get offers to do creative writing because I'm the President of the English Club, so ||{1}||. That's how I got involved with the theater stuff. In fact, my transcript has "playwriting" as my specialized English focus. The piano in the tree bit was taken directly from a play we reviewed called "Phaedra". In that play, the characters put a piano up in a tree, and take it down again sometime later. There was supposedly a reason why they did this, but it managed to escape me. -
Anna said on Jul 24, 2006....
Blatherskite, I have to agree with you...as a person who partakes of acting/theatre, I have met some interesting characters (to say the least!) throughout various plays/musicals/etc. But generalizations aren't accurate, because I'm not insane, and most of my theatre friends seem to be mentally sound, so there are exceptions! :o) -
Blatherskite said on Jul 24, 2006....
I must admit I don't have a thorough grasp of what makes one insane. For example, acting is seen as normal if theater people do it, but the last time [i]I[/i] dressed up in a costume and pretended to be someone else, everyone said I was insane. ...And I didn't get any Halloween candy either. :( -
Anna said on Jul 25, 2006....
Aaaw...I hope you had some fun, at least! :) I'd give you some candy to make you feel better, but seeing as that's not really feasible, you have my sympathy! By the way, may I ask what costume it was and who you were pretending to be? Just curious :) -
Blatherskite said on Jul 25, 2006....
That was just a joke, but I went as Zorro. And the year before that, I was a Christmas caroler. -
Anna said on Jul 25, 2006....
I see...Zorro is nice, but did you do the Spanish accent? (The only person who comes to my mind when I think of Zorro is Antonio Banderas...this brainwashing from the media is getting to me! :) -
Blatherskite said on Jul 26, 2006....
No, I can't do accents...I had a sword made out of aluminum wrap, though! -
Anna said on Jul 26, 2006....
Wow, aluminum wrap?! I'm sure you could do quite a bit of damage with that very intimidating weapon! :) I went as a Celtic warrior queen once, but no sword, just lots of eyeliner! -
Blatherskite said on Jul 26, 2006....
A Celtic warrior queen sounds cool...I should try going as that for next Halloween! I'll probably go as Little Orphan Annie, though... -
Anna said on Jul 27, 2006....
That would be adorable...your freckles would be perfect for Little Orphan Annie! I love Halloween, it's the only holiday where you have an excuse to indulge in the strangest costumes! :o) Oh, but then again, I'm in theatre, so I get to wear costumes more often, haha...
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