• Zayda said on Jul 25, 2007....

  U-I: I think that if you feel guilty for emailing this person that's a bit telling. You have great memories of your relationship with him, yes, and you are conflicted about your current relationship.
  
  
  I'm not saying that you shouldn't talk to person from your past, but I think you should be upfront about him contacting you. Also, if your current relationship is on it's last legs, as you say. Then perhaps you should resolve that relationship before become too involved with this person in your past as more than just an old friend.
  
  
  Right now, do you know if the person from your past is simply seeking to re-establish a friendship or is he seeking to re-establish more?

• uniquely-ironic said on Jul 25, 2007....

  Zayda - I agree with you on all your points.  I don't want to lose contact with this guy, regardless of how we will relate now.  I don't know what his intentions are, and I don't know that I'm neccesarily in a position to be more than friends at this point.  I do want to move on alone, but there are financial reasons that I am not able to resolve for another 3-4 weeks. 

• secretlife said on Jul 25, 2007....

  For this person to suddenly appear in my life is very telling.

  you said this, but really, it's just coincidence that he appeared now while you're not doing well in your current relationship.  he has no way of knowing what you're going thru....

  i know first hand what it's like for someone out of the past to make an entrance into the present. 

  i say make sure to mention to mr past that you're in a relationship...and if at all possible, end the relationship before you begin another.  otherwise you aren't being fair to either man or yourself, and it wouldn't be a good way to start a new relationship anyway.

  Is it happening for a reason?   i don't believe that. 

  i think the way we react to what happens is telling.  if your current relationship was good, you might have just ignored the email or sent a friendly note in reply.  the fact that you feel guilty leads me to believe that you're considering re-kindling or trying to re-kindle...chance can put temptation in front of us at any time.  it's our circumstances that cause us to react to it in particular ways.

   

• uniquely-ironic said on Jul 25, 2007....

  SL - I agree that how you react to situations is affected by what you are feeling.  I will even admit that given out past experience that if thing were to become romantic that I would probably welcome it.  I have, in my reply, told him that I'm in a relationship.  I have absolutely no intention to start something new until this present relationship is resolved one way or the other.  I am even weighing whether it how I feel about this new guy or just that it's nice to hear from someone who has something nice to say about me.  It's so complicated and scarey to even think about potential outcomes.

• secretlife said on Jul 25, 2007....

  i know.  i know how some kind words can mean so much.

  i spent 2 years going down that road, only to learn the hard way that what's past should probably remain past.

  of course that was only true in my case.  yours could be different.

• uniquely-ironic said on Jul 25, 2007....

  SL - I guess I should probably take this one step at a time.

• evil_twin said on Jul 25, 2007....

  I don't think you should feel guilty for just talking to the guy. But I think you're probably feeling that way, because you're imagining something more than talk happening. All the old feelings are sort of coming to the surface again. But if your current relationship is about to end, I think it might be cool to keep in touch with this guy. You never know what might end up happening.
  
  And personally, I think people come in and out of our lives, for specific reasons. I think it does have some significance. Not on a conscious level, because he had no idea what was happening with you. But I'm one of those crazy people that doesn't believe in coincidences. I think everything happens for a reason. And for him to come back into your life, just when you're thinking of ending your current relationship...well, to me that's a sign.
  
  No one else who commented seems to think so though! So it might be best not to listen to the crazy romantic guy and his theories.... :-P
  
  -evil_twin LA
  

• uniquely-ironic said on Jul 25, 2007....

  ET - I think people come in and out of your life for a reason too.
   
  I have never denied that my ex (who is a creep) was there when I needed certain life skills.  Even my current BF was there at a time where his specific skills were essential for me to have.  I guess I'm just want to believe he is now showing up for a reason, after 7 years of hit and miss.
   
  I think one of the reasons I followed your blogs as you navigated dating and now engagement is because, despite my history, I would like to believe in happy endings.

• sweet_cookie01 said on Jul 25, 2007....

  hmmm... first i dont think there is anything wrong communicating with an old fling but then it also depends on how your current partner is going to take it.... it may also be a sign but then again dont rush up to a conclusion, you might get disappointed at the end... just take your time and see where the story will go... goodluck!

• uniquely-ironic said on Jul 25, 2007....

  sweet - I have a feeling that my current BF is going to have the same ending regardless of what happens with the old fling.  What happens with the old fling remains to be seen.  It's entirely possible we've both seen too much life since the "good old days".

• Jenna said on Jul 25, 2007....

  UI....I am going through something very similiar right now. I do think things happen for a reason. I think as long as you are honest with everyone.....then all is ok. He rentered your life for a reason....seek that out....learn from it...have fun.... and grow. And I too am a sucker for happy endings.....I hope yours is happy!

• quietone said on Jul 25, 2007....

  my 2 cents ~ I agree with zayda, finish one before starting another, otherwise I think you will be asking for more than you may want to handle emotionally. Step back, take a breath.

• minniemouse said on Jul 25, 2007....

  U-I.....I agree with Evil_twin....everything happens for a reason.  Events and people enter our lives with the purpose of teaching us things, whether we realize or not.  You feel guilty because you are imagining things that COULD happen, but have not.  This person appears in your life at a time of relationship crisis, is telling.  Feeling guilty because of what could happen is just another sign that you are not happy with your current relationship.  I don't see anything wrong with continuing to talk with your friend, but I would definitely be sure to end your current relationship before starting something "more than friends."  :-)  MM

• CreativeWoman said on Jul 25, 2007....

  I believe things happen for a reason.  Just be honest with all concerned, especially yourself.  Best of luck to you.
  
  CW
  

• silverwhisper said on Jul 26, 2007....

  u-i, i have nothing to add that hasn't already been said faster and better. so i will do this:
  
  [hug]
  
  ed

• dreaming_reality said on Jul 26, 2007....

  This happened to me. I thought I still had feeling for him, but I realized, i just wanted to 'see how he was doing' Why? because, I always wondered 'what if'.

  Maybe you need closure of some sort. I don't really know what is going on in your current relationship, but, whether it is good or bad, I think that you just want to 'catch up' just for closure. I'm only speaking in my experience. I still ponder about the other guy. and he crosses my mind daily, because, I still wonder the 'what if'

  I feel guilty just thinking about him. but in the end I knew what i wanted.

  Just make sure that he understands your position.

  I am all for love, and I'd say follow your heart. Don't be flirty, or looking like you might want something more. I think that you should just let it flow and see where it takes you.

• Mamie said on Jul 26, 2007....

  like dreaming just said, follow your heart!

• skald said on Jul 26, 2007....

  I certainly think that this is happening for a reason and that you should contact him. This is my opinion. 

• blastfromthepast said on Jul 26, 2007....

  I, too, agree with E.T.  This has happened for a reason.  I don't believe in coincidences, either. 

• cankwhiteboy said on Jul 26, 2007....

  So your life sucks and you found someone to talk to that obviously cares and listens; good for you.  
   
  My wife threw a plastic T-Rex so hard it stuck into the laundry room door, who can I tell that too? Maybe the T-Rex police would care, but I doubt it.

• uniquely-ironic said on Jul 26, 2007....

  Jenna - I thought about this a lot and think I just need to wait for it to unfold.

  Quietone - yes, working on that part now

  MM - that should be easy since he now lives pretty far away

  CW - thanks, I think waiting to see how it will play out is all I can do now

  SW - thanks (pretends she doesn't have tears in her eyes)

  dreaming - I think we all have a "what if" person in our lives, if not more than one

  Mamie - I'd like to, but my heart has often mislead me.

  skald - thanks, your opinion really does mean a lot to me

  BFTP - I guess the trick is to figure out what it's supposed to mean.

  Update:  He returned my email and the tone of his reply is friendly and very neutral.  I told him what is going on in my life at the moment and he seems to have no judgemental-ness (is that a word?) about it.  I do miss having him as a friend, and if that is all I get from this, I'm blessed.

• uniquely-ironic said on Jul 26, 2007....

  CWB - I know what you mean.  Yes, I'm lucky to have him and all of my soulcast friends to vent to.  You have "us" too, so vent away.
   

• beyondtheveil said on Jul 26, 2007....

  unique- I agree with secretlife and zayda. I just want to say that everything happens for a reason. I hope you don't attach any special significance to that. Just take it one day at a time use your better judgment.

• uniquely-ironic said on Jul 26, 2007....

  BTV - you had me up until you told me to use my "better judgment".  I think in this case I will use someone else's better judgment since mine is not always reliable.

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