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I need help with my 3 almost 4 year old.  If you read Part I, then you know about the “shoe incident.”  That’s tame compared to some of the other things she has done.  Just in the past couple of weeks, she has done the following:

 

Written on the wall with marker (not the first time), gotten into my makeup and “painted” the sofa with my mascara, filled the air vent in her room with toys, repeatedly hits her older sister and has started lying.  And that is just some of the things she has done. 

 

I feel bad writing this because on the flip side, she is a very cute, very sweet, very caing little girl.  She is very friendly and outgoing when in public.  She says the funniest things….Once we were talking about something we spotted outside the car while we were driving, and she said she couldn’t see it because she has “tiny eyes”.  She is just one of those kids that comes up with the most unexpected and funniest things you could ever hear from a 3 ½ year old. 

 

But she is so DAMN naughty!!!!!!  I’ve tried time outs, I’ve taken toys away, I’ve taken TV away, I have taken her favorite thing, dance, away.  I had her earn some of these things back with “good” behavior.  I’ve talked to her.  I’ve tried to reason with her (yeah, I know, but it was worth a shot!!!)

 

Basically, I’m at my wits end.  She is the sweetest, cutest little girl and I love her with all my heart…..but I don’t know what else I can do to change her behavior.  I need to do something before I pull ALL my hair out!!!  HELP!!!!!!!!



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Comments

  • wombat said on Jul 24, 2007....
    I think maybe all toddlers go through this stage, and all anyone can do is keep consistantly reinforcing the rules.  Things are going to happen (and keep making those great stories) but just letting them do whatever is not a good idea.  Short of calling in the "Nanny" from the tv show, the best you can do is keep a firm and consistant rule going about everything that pops up.  (And watch them so they don't get hurt or hurt someone else.)  I sure remember how hard it was with mine.  He had a penchant for locking people out whenever he could.  He locked my hubby in the garage when no one was home.  And once he locked me in a little storage room of our apartment when no one was home.  I had to finally tell him I  was leaving out the back-side door (which was locked from the outside--it was an additon to the apartment)  He finally let me in--after about half an hour!
  • minniemouse said on Jul 24, 2007....
    Wombat....she has done that to us too....if we walked out on the deck, she would run up and lock the sliding glass door.....and stand there and laugh at us.  Luckily, she grew out of that.  So, I guess there is hope that she will grow out of this as well.....  :-)  MM
  • nursecutie said on Jul 24, 2007....
    My sister has the same problems with my nephew....he is 4 now, and my neice is 6, and he's always picking on her! You would think it would be the other way around, but he likes to pull hair and steal toys, etc.....
     
    My sister says that sometimes she just wants to run away from home because she does not know how to deal with it either........I wish I had some special advice, but I know you are not alone with your frustrations! Someday I am sure I'll know first hand how it feels!
     
    Hopefully someone can give you some good advice! :)
     
    xxoo natalie xxoo
  • minniemouse said on Jul 24, 2007....
    Thanks Natalie.....I felt like running away this evening!!!!  I know that her behavior is nothing unusual, but it is still frustrating just the same.  I was spoiled by my first daughter because she was so well behaved.  I mean, she wasn't perfect, but no where near this....I do hope somebody has some suggestions of something different that I haven't tried yet.     Thanks for the support!!  Lisa
  • allswell said on Jul 24, 2007....

    Hi minnie i'm going through the same thing you are,  and like you my first two children was so good and easy and everyone kept telling me your not lucky enough to have three good kids...and they are so right!  He can be very loving, but then turn around and do or say the meanest things....so unfortunatly i have no advice...matter of fact i need some myself! Being a parent can be so hard!  

    alls:)

  • minniemouse said on Jul 24, 2007....

    Alls....the same things have been said to me.....in fact, my sister-in-law constantly says all the time "I'm so happy you got a naughty kid for the second one!!!!"  Kind of pisses me off, but then I just think to myself, at least I only have one little devil....she has THREE!!!!  :-) 

    Maybe we'll both get some great advice.....come on SC'rs...help us!!!  ;-)  MM

  • sweet_cookie01 said on Jul 24, 2007....

    i think kids go through that stage and eventually with God's help and the parents perserverance and patience they overcome it...

    It made me think how was I able to handle my daughter that age, all i remember was i kept on talking to her that what she did was wrong and why it is wrong, she understood it and now things are okay.

  • minniemouse said on Jul 25, 2007....
    Thanks sweet_cookie....I guess I am just frustrated because I keep doing that and doing that, and doing that, and I guess I just hit a wall.  I know it will get better, or at least she will move onto something else (lol), it has to, doesn't it?  thanks!  :-)  MM
  • quietone said on Jul 25, 2007....
    MM ~ My grandson is 4 and acts the same.  He is the "evil one" (I hate calling him that)  But very nasty child.  What I find that is starting to work, is being very consistant on discipline.  My brother came to visit me one day when I was watching him, he locked my brother out of my house and when the door was unlocked he said to my brother "you get out of here, I don't like you, go home".  yup you got it...time out!!  so don't feel alone...hopefully it is just a rotten phase.  He is also very cute and can be sweet if he wants to be. 
  • minniemouse said on Jul 25, 2007....
    Thanks quietone.....its good to know I'm not alone and its just an age thing.  I guess I was just really spoiled by the behavior of my first child.  Also, I know when I was little, I didn't behave this way.....I was too afraid of getting in trouble!!!!  My parents even confirmed that I didn't cause any trouble when I was little.....I guess like always....the blame lies with my husband!!!!  LOL  MM
  • quietone said on Jul 25, 2007....
    LOL  yes it HAS to be the husband!! My older grandson is not anything like his brother either, he is quiet, shy and very sensitive. go figure! 
  • jadestar said on Jul 25, 2007....
    I agree with quietone & wombat - consistency. And I'm sure she'll grow out of it. Just hang in there.
    She sounds like a bright kid - bright kids have active minds that do kinda lead them down the mischevious path.
    I don't think it's too far fetched to try reason with her - using a bit of imagination to reach her level of understanding - her little mind is ticking away & I'm sure something's going to 'click' - she'll realise the need to control herself a bit, I'm sure. Once THAT milestone's accomplished there'll be other things like completing her homework, bringing lunch boxes home etc etc - ah, the joys....
     
  • Imladris said on Jul 25, 2007....
    Wish i could help but i've not got any children, everyone else seems to be giving you lots of support and advise, all i can say is keep smiling [even if it's through gritted teeth :-) ]
  • tizzygirl said on Jul 25, 2007....
    I don't have any kids but my niece sounds like your little one's twin.  She's the cutest most evil little person you'll ever meet and I love her with all my heart.  But she's very very naughty!  It's the worst because she's smart as hell too, the combination is combustible!  I would agree with most of what everyone says about staying consistant and explaining to them why they can't do these things and she'll grow out of it.  The marker thing reminded me of my sister when she was about 4 and I was about 2.  She went around the house and wrote her name all over lamp shades and walls and everywhere in crayon.  When my Mom found it she yelled at her and told her that she can't do that.  Well my sister very calmly asked my mom "how did you know it was me?  Why didn't you think it was sis (me)?"  And my mom explained to her that she knew because it was her name everywhere.  So the next day my sister went around writing my name all over the walls and the lamp shades etc.  Again she got in trouble and she asked my Mom how she knew it was her again since it was sis' name instead.  My Mom told her that it was obviously her especially since I didn't even know how to write my name yet.  My sister accepted that and never again wrote on the walls!  Hang in there and enjoy the humor in it even though it can be quite testing!
  • uniquely-ironic said on Jul 25, 2007....
    Four years olds are so inquisitive that their little bodies can barely contain them.  I I think you just have to survive that phase, and second children are usually worse than first children. (no explanation, just an observation)  My 2nd took green nail polish and smeared it on my brand new bedspread, night stand, curtains and herself while I was at work.  Her dad, who was home with her, claimed ignorance.  I had to leave the house for awhile.  It does get better.
  • minniemouse said on Jul 25, 2007....
    Tizzy....OMG....the story about your sister cracked me up!!  Smart little cookie!  My girl is very smart as well....too smart!!  :-)  MM
  • minniemouse said on Jul 25, 2007....
    Uniquely.....LOL.....how do husbands do that?  Its like they have an out of body experience when children need supervision the most!!  Cracked me up when you said you had to leave the house for a while......I said that the other night.  My husband said I wasn't even speaking in complete sentences!  All he got was....."daughter.....upstair.....kill.......go.....bed.....room...."  LOL!!!  and then I left.  "Senator, I have no recolection of this event"  LOL  :-)  MM
  • polarheart said on Jul 25, 2007....
    Hi Minnie!! My Tigger is also 3.5 years old a very cute age, but has also done some naughty things just recently.  And also this thing about "lying" has come about.  Its amazing how the human instinct to self preserve comes out in them.  The other day he made a huge mess with my washing/ironing.  I called him to the room and asked him if HE had done this. . .he said "no", which was of course a blatant lie because it was neither me or my husband's doing.  We had to give him a good talking to and he was in tears and we tried to reinforce always telling the truth no matter how scared you are.
     
    I agree wholeheartedly with Quietone. . .be consistent ALWAYS.  Sooner or later she will learn that there is only one outcome for bad behaviour and of course there are lots of positive outcomes for good behaviour :-)
  • minniemouse said on Jul 25, 2007....
    OMG Polar.....she will look right at me, do something naughty and then lie and tell me her sister did it and her sister isn't even in the room!!!  Looks me right in the eye too!!!!  It just burns my butt I tell you!  She gets sent straight to her room, which, by the way is completely empty of toys now!!!!  Oy!!!  :-)  MM
  • looneylevis said on Aug 19, 2007....
    I laughed so hard at your swallowing a shoe story that I sat crying, trying to read it to my husband. I haven't laughed like that in years and years... thank you for sharing. I have a three year old myself, and I relate far more than I can say. Hang in there - if I had sound advice, I would be using it myself. :-) It's nice to know that I am not the only mom going crazy over the cutest, but most challenging little girl in the world. hahahhaha thanks again for the laugh. I really needed it. take care. Stacie
  • minniemouse said on Aug 19, 2007....
    Thanks Stacie!  I can laugh about it now.....I do love telling the story to people though.  I can't wait to embarrass her when she is 16 and brings home a boyfriend!!!  :=)  Sad thing is.....she comes up with something just as nuts every day!  Maybe one day she will be a comedian?  LOL  Thanks for stopping in!!  :-)  Minnie
  • destinydiva said on Aug 31, 2007....
    hiya minnie, I dont have any advice to offer, but I share your frustration!!
    my youngest two, sasha (41/2 ) and  nathan (3 next week!)
    both seem to be going through the terrible toddler stage right now, I am putting a lot down to the divorce, because most of their bad behaviour comes after they have been out with their dad!   Nathan is always emptying out the contents of shampoo toothpaste beakers everything!!!  everywhere!!!  its driving me crazy!! He is in a bed and he shares a room with sasha so there is no gate on his room at night, so I have to 'nathan proof ' everywhere before I go to bed :-) I have tried everything and am at my wits end now too,  Sasha is just so cheeky! she has picked up a real attitude, answering back and stuff, fingers crossed these are phases they will grow out of :-)
    I feel so much better after reading this post though and knowing I am not alone :-)

    I hope your little one grows out of it soon too :-)
    Destiny xx

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