• exhibit_c said on Jul 19, 2007....

  I've never really understood the "we'll settle this in the bedroom" mentality. It strikes me as a bit like the medieval concept of trial by combat.
  On the other hand, a man can express a lot of aggression thru sex (small children who see their parents having sex often report that daddy was stabbing mommy) and the woman can absorb it, maybe even welcome it. I want to be clear I'm not talking about the man beating the woman up, or pulling her hair, or even slapping her ass. I just mean a demonstraton of vigor, and perhaps stamina.
  Other occasions can be lovely-dovey, or playful.
  

• secretlife said on Jul 19, 2007....

  most commonly in my marriage sex has been used to communicate forgiveness.

  my husband equates sex with love- probably because if i was angry with him i'd want nothing to do with sex.

  we could settle the argument verbally, but it wasn't til it was sealed with sex that he really felt it was behind us.

  he never actually said this to me, but i have instinctively known it for 20 years.

• silverwhisper said on Jul 19, 2007....

  in my marriage, i use sex to communicate love. before that, it's been used to communicate a number of things, and i was just as guilty of it as she was. the one that really makes me disappointed in myself however is when both of us used it to communicated anger.
  
  ed

• mobil said on Jul 19, 2007....

  I've never with held sex, NEVER. How in the hell does a man withhold sex? It's

  not possible. My wife doesn't withhold either, just that when she is angry, she's

  not talking, I'd have sex even when she's not talking, but her not talking includes

  no sex. It's an awful experience, frightful, thank goodness it has seldom reared

  it's ugly head here.

• uniquely-ironic said on Jul 19, 2007....

  For either side to withhold sex is wrong.  I do think that if your communications are so poor or angry that sex might not happen simply because neither side is in the mood for it.  Angry sex in marriage is really nothing more than a another version of emotional abuse.  Using sex to "get back at" the other person.

• blastfromthepast said on Jul 20, 2007....

  When it comes to my marriage, sex and love go together.  Using sex as a 'weapon' is, in my view, bullshit.  It's like withholding affection when your kids have disappointed you.

• beaker said on Jul 20, 2007....

  When it comes to witholding sex, what both parties must remember is life is too short for this sort of situation. However long the hostility goes on, time passes and you can never bring that time back.

• slirpuff said on Jul 20, 2007....

  In the past, I had "anger" sex with my partner and I
  thought I'd lose my member before it was all over.
  But the best sex  sometimes is "makeup" sex.
  It's like reconfirming your love for each other.
  And it's really not "sex" it's more like love making..
  Steve

• WeepingWillow said on Jul 20, 2007....

  In my marriage sex is withheld for power purposes, punishment, anger, ummm...what else.  I have a problem that my husband knows about...I'm a nymphomaniac...(not severe, but enough) He knows this and uses it against me.  I like angry sex, I like getting spanked, I like the rough stuff...but I don't feel that it should be used if you are truly angry with your partner.  Many people show their love through sex, pretty much a universal sign of love for many.

• PassionTraveler said on Jul 25, 2007....

  I think I'm a lot like WeepingWillow. I am a borderline nymphomaniac. LOL. I never withheld sex from my ex-husband. But he did from me. I don't think it was the classic withhold over some angry issue, but it definitely felt like he had some agenda. Near the end of our marriage, he would bed me -- if I was lucky -- once every 2 or 3 months.
  
  For me, even when I was married, and certainly to date, sex is a huge release for me. Stress, frustrations, whatever. A roll in the hay, and it all melts away. I think that's why it's been so tough not having a steady boyfriend, or sexual partner more available to me.
  

• wild-ting said on Aug 15, 2007....

  I have NEVER withheld sex as a form or communicating my anger or displeasure with a partner that I was in a relationship with. That's just stupid. It would never even cross my mind. In fact, when I was in some long term relationships we never went to bed angry. The discussion may have been resumed the next day or later but there was no ill will. I am a very passionate person. I say what I have to say and then I'm done with it. I don't hold it in. I guess I pick mates that are able to handle that kind of honesty, and are that mature. They also tend to be more communicative males than the average male.

Comment on "What type of Sex"

Currently tagged	sex communication relationships marriage withholding red snapper time life situation sex communication (Click to add tags below)
Tag this post	(Separate tags using commas, for example: New York, dating, vegetarian)
Your comment
	Comment Anonymously