I spent most of my internet time on here today,reading through blogs on here and learning more about what others post, trying to define my blog. Trying to decide what it is I want to do on here, rather, what i want to share. i came across a few blogs that touched my heart and others that angered me, but most were very well written, and extremely interesting to read. I'm not sure I can stack up lol.
I read a blog posted by polarheart, and it started me thinking on my own experience with my faith, and where i am in my road to a stronger relationship with God. I grew up going to church every Sunday as my grandfather was a preacher. It was not a privelege to go to church and worship the lord, but a requirement. Growing up in an abusive home, I also wondered if God was punishing me. When I hit my teens, and lost a very dear friend of mine, I lost my faith. I was certain there was no God, or he would not have taken away my only sactuary from the life i was living, and he wouldn't continue to throw tragedies in my path. Year after Year, trouble after trouble... my faith disappeared until i honestly believed in my heart, there was NO GOD. About three years ago, a friend of mine (christian) invited my family to church. I told her that i dont believe in God, so there's no reason to go. She continued to tell me about the church and invited me to go. Because I had children, and wanted them to decide how they felt and for them to find their own religion, i allowed them to go. After about a year of my friend trying to convince me to come, not convince me there was a God, I told her i would for my children. On Easter Sunday of 2005 i went to church with my family. We sat in the back row, and before the service started, I wondered how all these people could come worship something that wasn't even real. Before the service ended the pastor had ask for those who didn't have God in their heart to take this time to accept Jesus as their Savior. They dimmed the lights, every one bowed their heads, and the pastor prayed. I closed my eyes, not exactly sure why i did, but as i listened to the words of the pastor I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around and looked, and no one was there. But i felt someone touching me. Then I felt arms around me holding me. It was such and overwhelming feeling that I knew it was God's arms around me. He had wanted me there so he could shower me with his love and restore my faith in him.
Now my life hasn't gotten any easier persay but the troubles are a lot easier to handle because of the faith in God I have in my heart. As i'm still walking down the path and still relearning God's words, I do believe He exsists. No sciencetist could come up with an explanation for what i felt that day sitting there... and what I feel now in my heart.
