Well, first I have to ramble a bit, set the scene, almost:
I'm single & celebate & have been for nearly 7 yrs. I'm ok with it, pretty comfortable with it and it's been a refreshing change to the 'business' of my life in the past. I haven't felt a need as yet to change it & haven't yet met anyone that I'm prepared to drop the guard for.
All this info is actually irrelevant to the real intention of my post, so why I felt the 'history' necessary...................who knows?
Anyway..........before you go to sleep........I SAID WAKE UP......................(ok I really have to do something about this digressing problem I have)
Back to my post (finaly)...........I bumped into this guy at the coffee shop at our church. He was...well, I have to be blunt......he was whining about how unfriendly people are in the church, can't make friends, snobs etc etc. The thing is, I've been there you know.....many times...at the church that I consider my home from home for the past 6 yrs...in fact STILL think there are snobs, difficult people (I mean, ME for example).......so I tried to put my 2 cents worth of encouragement. He was angry that certain people didn't greet him to which I added that though I am a LOUD person (throw back from my theatre days or just a plain drama queen?) I am actually EXTREMELY shy though I may seem extroverted & it is really hard...it take ages to warm up to people. I also happen to know the person they were talking about.......there are few people I like (aren't I bad) but when I like them I like them HARD....like I could punch someone's mouth for bad mouthing them.......but since I'm trying really hard with this compassion thing & being a shining light, I decided not to take the route of splitting his lip. Besides, I am really very compassionate - in a hard-arsed sort of way ('scuse the language - it just fitted there.) So, I told him cut them some slack, they're not shunning you, they're also shy, & one of the other people you've mentioned is basically going through hell (& - aside - BTW punk I really admire the brave face they are putting up)...back to being sweet to this guy.....etc.....It wasn't just me, actually I just dropped in on his conversation with someone else.........
Ok ok, I'm boring you.....cut to the chase.......I saw him alone at the coffee shop (at our church) a couple of times, so would stop by now & then & say hi, things going better etc......I don't like to see someone feel like the kid left out at the playground......& I tend to forget about gender stuff........unless someone really hot walks by & I look....I am human after all....but that's all (I mean for now - unless someone amazing comes along)......digressing again.......but in conversations with people, especilly if it's someone a bit down & out....I tend to forget about the gender stuff. And it's not like I rushed to him every week. I've greeted him maybe 3 times in 7 weeks...I dunno, wasn't counting. Then one Sunday I walked past him, he smiled & I asked a generic how things going? To which he answered - better now that I've seen you....and inside I rolled my eyes. Outwardly. it was a small smile & 'bye' (short & sweet - no complications). That Sunday night I went back to church because of a speaker I wanted to hear (for the record I don't always go am & pm; in fact I don't go every Sunday ... gasp)................digressing again.
At the end of church that night, I was chatting to someone and out of the corner of my eye I saw him.................lurking...........dinkem (no kidding) ...he was lurking, waiting for me to finish...I could see, it was like.... he was almost crouching for a pounce......
So I grabbed a passing friend & hissed walk with me & make it look like we're taliking about something important (she's an elder & pastor's wife so her being a sort of authority figure helped to keep him at bay, I think.) I love her to bits, she did the role so well. we walked around the church looking for my daughter & the whole time I could see him lurking & following behind......I should have seen this coming, I know. And because we couldn't lose him, she walked me "deep in conversation" all the way to my car - need I mention it was a cold night.....fortunately I escaped, but............
I missed church the next week, but on the second week (you've got to admire his patience, I suppose), he pounced on me by surprise. I'm not good at surprise attacks...I flounder....I need to prepare & steel myself for confrontations..........
"V..... I hope you won't be offended if I ask you something (silence & frightened grin from me)....would you like to go out for coffee
(no, I think you're a wierdo) "...um..."
"you don't have to answer now, just pray about it & let me know"
(don't you just HATE that, it's so cheesy ....slimy......it's so loaded....like 'see, what a good guy I am with such good intentions, see how spiritual I'm being about this'......what a load of bull......like I need to pray over a cup of coffee....DO ME A FAVOUR..............manipulative...)
So what is my response.....(oh, I should get a geek award for this one)...I said,
"I'm not offended, just as long as you won't be offended if i say no. I'll let you know next week".....
WHAT?.......why didn't I just say no....what a coward..........NOW, when I tell him no, I'm going to have to tell him why......because I just KNOW he's going to ask why.
I'm a geek, I know. By the way, I'm no bombshell, but I'm not desperate either & IF I wanted action, I'm sure I could very well succeed....& again, I'm not desperate.
What am I going to say. This is not like the old days for me in pubs & clubs. (guy walks over, "would you like..." "push off").
I'm too afraid of what to say...I don't want to be offensive. And I don't want to encourage anything. Maybe I'm just making a big deal out of nothing....being like a school kid. But I just don't want to be uncomforatble at church. Too much wierd 'stuff' (a swear word would fit better) has happened in my life. I've earned the right to avoid unpleasantries with men, no matter how small. Man, if i could list the...'stuff' (I so want to swear here again), I'm sure you'd agree with me.
Anyway, I'm being small & petty BUT if you've had the staying power to read through this...'stuff'......first off, you deserve a prize....second, maybe you could help with advise, encouragement....................please refrain from telling me what a shallow idiot b...uch I am, if you don't mind, I do know that already anyway...................
