Today my boyfriend's grandma died. I am miles away from him and felt horrible I could not be physically there to support him when he's feeling so down. He called me at 4:00am to give me the news. It was easy to tell he was crying (his grandma raised him pretty much), his voice was deeply sad, and all I did not know what to say. I'm not good giving words of comfort. I'm just not good at those things. If I would be there in person at least I could hold his hands and look at him and he would know without me saying a thing that I'm there for him 100%. But over the phone it is so hard. I stupidly keep asking through out the day the usual question "how are you?", like if I did not know. When we talked again at night he sounded better. I was glad because the whole day I was feeling terrible sad for him and for not being able to be there for him.
After talking to him over the night, my worries were gone when I realized he knew he could count on me, and even though I am miles away from him, and was silent on the phone, he could feel my love and sympathy for his loss. He felt my love through the silence of the phone line. He knew without me telling him that I was feeling terrible for not being right there next to him holding his hand and caressing his hair. He told me he knew how much I love him and that he wished I knew how much he loves me too.
I guess it was a bit weird for me at the beginning talking just about the way we felt for each other on the day his grandma died. Yet, apparently, it was just the perfect moment to remind each other that it did not matter we could not see each other faces, or hold hands, or have any physicall or visual contact at the moment, our voices were enough for us, and the silence on the phone line did not feel awkward after all.
I told him I knew how much he loves me. And I seriously do. I felt how happy that made him.
Maybe I don't exactly know how much he loves me, but I do know he cares for me and loves me like no one else demostrated it before.
Is this what it feels like to be in love?
I don't know, but I enjoy the feeling. I guess one just need to learn to take the whole package love gives us. I know I'm writing all this with a horrible English grammar and expressions that make sense in Spanish but maybe not so much in English. But right now I feel too good to let the language bother me as it does most of the time.
I just want to enjoy the unexplicable happiness his love gives me. After all, I already took the other things that came in this love package.
=]