• botoni said on Jul 15, 2007....

  Yani! OMG....that isnt love! Thats control stuff. If you think he is at all serious get the hell away. NOW!

• minniemouse said on Jul 15, 2007....

  OMG....you need to get away from this....to somewhere safe!!!  Please!!!  Do you have family near that can help you?  I definitely think you should report this to the police!!!  Maybe get a restraining order?  Please, please be careful!!  MM

• missunderstood1162 said on Jul 15, 2007....

  yani....please go somewhere safe.
  
  

• rupert7 said on Jul 15, 2007....

  Yani, I am a hater of divorce,a victim of it. I think couples should stay together and work through their problems. BUT in an extreme case such as yours I must agree with Botoni and minnimouse! There is something VERY wrong here and you could well be in real DANGER. As much as I hate seperation etc I say RUN GIRL and don't look back!!

• yani said on Jul 15, 2007....

  how can i run? there's nowhere to go. my work is in this city. how can i bring my two kids with me when i do not have anywhere else to go?

  after i calmed him down saying i will never leave him and that i love him (even thought i know i am lying through my teeth), he became quiet. then he cried. i comforted him. rubbed his back. in a way i believe i did it to him. he became like this when i told him i love someone else whom i met in the net. when he calmed down, he chanced upon the knife on the table, then he asked "what is that knife doing here?"

  it freaked me like nothing else in this world can. I asked him "don't you remember?" he said, "remember what?" i told him what he did, and he cried.

  the rest of that saturday and last sunday, he was so gentle and acted on my every whim, he was just waiting on me, it was freaky too. i don't know anymore. he's a great father and was a reasonable man. i don't know what happened? perhaps my telling him about my feelings for someone else did this.

  for now i am still here. there's nowhere else to go.

   

   

   

• botoni said on Jul 16, 2007....

  Yani. Circumstances have you in a very tight spot. I m even more concerned about him not knowing where the knife came from. Be very careful my friend. It may all be drama from him but it is also very serious.

• Lioness said on Jul 16, 2007....

  yani, my prayers are for you.. I hope everything goes well to both of you, and you'd settle to the best decision. {{hugs}}

• LMari said on Jul 16, 2007....

  its sad how people can try so hard to wrap themselves around you and smother you bcos of their own weakness. its selfish -real selfish. i know how bad it feels to lose someone you love and for things not to work out. that pain, that hurt and that real agony inside your heart leading up your throat. im a real emotional person and fiery at that. but things like this, life - you dont play with . you dont play with knives and your life and say shit like that. its terrible. everyone for their own. so dont dare feel guilty if he proceeds to actually do something like this himself.
   
  you are the only person you HAVE to live with for the rest of your life, and you should be happy. he must live with himself - he is not your responsiblity!

• jadestar said on Jul 16, 2007....

  Yani, do I understand you to say that he was reasonable in the past? Does that mean he's never done this before? The man needs to see a doctor - seriously

• Zeal_for_life said on Jul 16, 2007....

  Take a look at this it may help you.

  www.omnisanctuary.org

  Its times like this I wish our orgonization had the building we need for people like you to come to were they are safe and can work through things without worry.

  *HUGS*

  If you need any help let me know.

  Z

• destinydiva said on Jul 16, 2007....

  OMG ~so few words .... so much emotion....
  Thats really scary......his next move may be on you.....??
  I'd get him to a doctor....do you love him? maybe its time to move on??
  Take care yani , I hope you escape this situation unharmed
  Destiny x
  
  

• Expendable said on Jul 16, 2007....

  He's got problems and needs help. Take him to see a doctor. Now.

• minniemouse said on Jul 16, 2007....

  Its NOT your fault!  No matter what you say or do, he had/has no right to treat you like that!  I wish you had family nearby that you could stay with......I agree with the others too....I do think he needs to see a doctor if he doesn't remember doing that!!  Please be careful!  :-) MM

• Actorguy said on Jul 16, 2007....

  This situation still sounds extremely dangerous to me, Yani. Before you do anything else, you need to be absolutely sure that you and your children are safe.  If you live in a city, I am sure there are women's organizations and shelters that can help you. Call your local police and I'm sure they will be able to refer you.  It won't be easy but a man in this state of mind is literally capable of anything.

• queenparanoia said on Jul 16, 2007....

  ohmygod yani.... shet talaga... ate kinakabahan na ako sa iyo... please relax ka lang dyan at pag isipan mo mabuti ang nangyayari sa iyo... i hope youre okay. may topak ba yang asawa mo? o talaga praning lang dahil iiwan mo na sya? ate please be safe... dun ka kaya sa nanay mo muna tumira?

• silverwhisper said on Jul 16, 2007....

  that' isn't love, it's control. yani, this man thinks he loves you. if he did it once he might do it again. can you get him committed to a hospital? that behavior is completely unacceptable. he presents a threat to you and possibly your kids. please do not become another statistic.
  
  ed

• evil_twin said on Jul 16, 2007....

  This was horrible to read. I really think that your husband needs mental help. If he doesn't remember pulling the knife, then he had some sort of break from reality that's not normal. Hell, pulling a knife in the first place is not normal. But the fact that he doesn't remember it is very alarming. He needs to see a doctor ASAP, and you need to protect yourself. My heart goes out to you.
  
  -evil_twin LA
  

• husbandhater said on Jul 16, 2007....

  omg Yani Run and run fast as that kind of love can reverse really fast and he'll turn a knife on you. PLEASE get away from him as fast as you can and if kids are there take them too. DO you still love him? Do you even want to stay? Please get him help if this IS the case and fast. Run to a hotel,a battered woman's shelter(some actually offer you your own apartment and fresh bed and items),family that lives far away that'll take him a while to travel to. Make sure they don't let him know where you are. We are here if you need us. Private im me if you need. I'll check for the next two days if you need or feel like talking and it could be about anything Yani.

• slirpuff said on Jul 16, 2007....

  Yani

  Girl I don't know where your at, state or country.

  If your in the states, there is something called the

  "Baker Act".  Briefly what this is, if someone is a

  danger to himself or others, you can get them committed

  to a place where they can cause no one harm. You can

  call the local police dept and ask them what you need to do

  to get someone "Baker Acted". My wife and daughter are

  social workers so that's how I know about it.

  You are looking at a potentionally life threating situation. He

  could just as easily turned the knife on you and I wouldn't

  be sending you this because you wouldn't be around.

  You hear about one parent going crazy and wiping out a whole

  family. This situation has gone beyond the talking stage.

  Either get yourself to a battered wife shelter or have him commited

  for his own good  BUT DO SOMETHING IMMEDIATELY !!!

  Steve

• botoni said on Jul 16, 2007....

  Yani ..... I know clearly and understand very well that the customs and traditions in the Philippines are very different from some of the customs in the western world. I have lived your very situation. It was different for me in that I am bound by a different set of ethics from the ones that are familiar to you. I ve no idea if there are safe homes or womens shelters there. I hope that some of your Filipina sisters will give you advice.
  Queen.....I have no idea what you commented and that isnt important....what is important is that Yani have ears who hear and understand. Please call on your fellow Filipina s to help Yani.

• secretlife said on Jul 16, 2007....

  Yani was this the first time you went to him and told him that you were in love with someone else that you met on the internet? 

  if so, perhaps he was just in complete and total shock because he believed that your marriage was good?  that you were happy as he was happy?

  sometimes when we tell someone something that hurts them so much and destroys the very fabric of their entire universe, they snap.  and it sounds to me like your husband reacted in this way.

  i think you and your husband need outside help.  if you feel that you and your children are unsafe where you are, then you need to leave...if you feel that your husband reacted out of shock and grief, then i think it best that you find a counselor as soon as possible that can help you two discuss what has happened to your relationship and where you go from here.

• silverwhisper said on Jul 16, 2007....

  wait a sec: yani, can you take your kids to your family's home?
  
  ed

• lilyoh said on Jul 16, 2007....

  You're not responsible for his actions..if he really oves you and your choice is to leave, he would want your happiness above all else. I'm sure you already know this....

• Imladris said on Jul 16, 2007....

  You MUST find someway out, either get away fast, or get him medical help fast. I think for the sake of your kids you need to do something, they may be in danger as well.

• machershey said on Jul 16, 2007....

  Yani- Time waits for no one. You done the right thing by creating awareness, now you need to take action, and move to safety fast before it's too late.

• GrapeKoolaid said on Jul 16, 2007....

  At the risk of sounding rude and inappropriate, he doesn't have the guts to off himself.  It's just a pathetic ploy for attention.  I have little pity for people of this kind, only disdain.  

• PlugFour said on Jul 16, 2007....

  Sounds awful...I do agree that he needs to see a doctor and that you shouldn't be near someone that's capable of anything like this...
  Wish you nothing but the best.
  

• freedomchick said on Jul 16, 2007....

  Hi

  You really should talk to someone to get help because you have two children involved who need you...

  Do the right thing... I think you know what that is... 

• MissMimi said on Jul 16, 2007....

  Yani, I have no other wisdom to add.  I'll just reinforce what's already been said.  If he did it once, in all probability he will do it again.  You need to take your children and go, and make it very clear to him that one of the conditions that he must meet for you to return is to get immediate help.  He's dangerous, Yani.  He's already proved that, and it's not your fault. 
   
  I'll keep you in my thoughts.

• Ormocanon said on Jul 16, 2007....

  yani, get help fast! What you just described is a disaster waiting to happen; the son of a bitch is trying to manipulate you and, based on his behavior, get out of there fast or you and your kids would probably end up dead.

• petitepapillon said on Jul 16, 2007....

  Yani, everyone has said what I have wanted to say, but I still wanted to say this: My mom was in similar situation with the bastard who sexually assaulted me and she felt the same way you did; the feeling of having no where to go and what not.  He was a complete control freak who always told my mom she'd never make it on her own and that everything was his because he paid for it or it was in his name/ But when my mom left him, he became a big fat baby who manipulated my mom into taking him back after they had gotten divorce by practically stalking her, but also by lying and saying that he had "changed." But nothing had changed. A few months later, his true colors began to show yet again and he was even worse than before, making more threats and continuing to be verbally abusive to my mom and, of course, later assaulting me because he couldn't control me.
   
  If you can get out now, please, please, please, start looking for a place you and your kids can go to. Start making plans and get out as soon as you can. There's no telling what he might do next, and the fact that he doesn't remember shows he's either lying or he was in such a fit or rage that he can't remember. And if it's the latter, that in turn, shows how dangerous he is because he doesn't know what he's doing in the state of mind. And if that's the case, he needs to get some help fast.
   
  I'm keeping you in my thoughts, yani. I hope everything turns out for the best.

• nosestud said on Jul 16, 2007....

  L-O-V-E thats what means to me.

• nosestud said on Jul 16, 2007....

  You rule Yani.

• Princessnini said on Jul 16, 2007....

  Girl!, I hope you are in the US because I am going to really tell you....GET OUT!!! NOW!!!!  I know this type of stuff happens all over the world. But, Girl, you need Jesus bad! And you need to get out...and if you got kids take'em with you! They don't need to be raised around that stuff...learnin' only God knows what! I  am sending angels right now to block that man's motives from transpiring. You can pray for him but pray from 500 miles away, please! There are angels protecting you. Use this time wisely.

• RollingC said on Jul 16, 2007....

  Hi Yani.... from what I've read your husband needs help.  While I'm tempted to give you some advice like....next time don't hold the knife so hard and see if he really stabs himself with it....I realize that what you're going through is graver than that.
  First things first ok?
  Next time he pulls any kind of stunt like that do not hesitate and call the cops....
  ask for a copy of that report and with that go to a hospital and get him some psychoanalysis.  
  Keep a paper trail of this and other " incidents " and see if you can get him to agree to power of attorney over him.  ( wishful thinking maybe)
  Keep relatives and close friends up to date on this as they may be needed later.
  The rest you will have to deal with on a  " as it comes " basis.
  At all times keep calm and don't do anything to start or spark another reaction like that..... don't talk about leaving or divorce or anything he finds disturbing and God Bless!
  
  Rc
  

• lfbno7 said on Jul 16, 2007....

  i hope you don't let him control your life with his bullshit.  there's a lot of good advice on this page.  take it.
  
  i have a romantic soul.  i cry at sad movies.  i even cry when i see love in a movie.  i'm as romantic as they come.  but this man's garbage has nothing to do with romance.  he sounds dangerous.  the french have a good saying for him.  il est tres fucked up.
  

• yani said on Jul 16, 2007....

  Thank you so much for all your concern, i am deeply touched. I agree that i have to get away from him but where to go? Where do i go?

  I am not living in the US where there are shelters for this sort of thing, I live in the part of the Philippines where this sort of thing is still considered to be Family Matters. I haven't told anyone except one of my co-workers in the office. God. I don't know what to do.

  For now he's still here with us, he will go back to work in another city this coming thursday. I am in constant fear that i might say something or do something that will trigger the same action. He changed my mobile number and watches it. He even checked my account balance everynight. I am trying to act as if everything is alright. Aside from his suspicions, he seems normal enough.

  This is the second time he did it, the first time was when me read one message from that special person i met in the net. They had a heated argument on the phone. Then he got the knife and was about to stab himself. I took the knife away, that time he was crying very hard and i was so sorry that I had to put him through it. I thought that will be the first and last time. I was wrong.

  What happened last saturday was triggered when i didn't agree to his saying i should go back to teaching in the classroom. I now work in the office, i used to teach and he wants me to go back to teaching. I said no. That i wouldn't be happy. He insisted. So i told him, if that's the case, we might as well separate. I can't live like that, doing something i do not want to do. That's it. "So you're leaving me....?"............the knife story begins.

  I so want to go somewhere else, but where?

  I have very little family. I only have my mother. I can't go there. He will surely find me. I can't go anywhere. My work is here. He is great with the kids. I am only hoping that he be gone soon. To be able to breathe easier.

  I feel like im constantly walking on thin ice. That anytime something will give in..........

• yani said on Jul 16, 2007....

  Rolling: that is exactly what i am doing now. I constantly assures him that i love him ( even when i want to choke doing so)

  How can i tell him to seek help? you want me dead?

   

• Listener said on Jul 16, 2007....

  run for your life and quick too.

• jadestar said on Jul 17, 2007....

  Yani, I sort of understand how hard it is. here in South Africa there are shelters (though very few). Though still, in many cultures there is a stigma attached to a woman that leaves her man - even when she's in danger as you are. However there are a lot of changes because of media enlightenment. However, I don't know what it's like where you are. The thing is - you need to get out. Just like everyone here is saying. it's so unfair that the friends you have here to talk to, are friends that can't physically help you. I can pray for you - it's all I know how to do. But we MUST put our heads together & find you a way out of there. I understand you don't want to put your mom in danger. Are there other collegues at work that might be able to help for a bit? Is there a minister or someone similar that you can talk to? I listened to Oprah once. She was telling kids that if they are being abused, find someone to to help you. If they don't believe you, keep looking until you find someone who does & who will help. You do the same, keep looking until you find someone who will help. Turn from people who tell you it's your duty blah blah & keep seeking until you find help. All we can do is pray for your protection. I hate that I can't do any more than that.

• silverwhisper said on Jul 17, 2007....

  yani: can you have him arrested? heck, can you have him committed to a hospital?
  
  ed

• queenparanoia said on Jul 17, 2007....

  ed: you dont live in the third world. it's different here in the philippines. and i understand yani when she said she can't get away. ate yani be strong. i'll pray for you...

• silverwhisper said on Jul 17, 2007....

  you're right, i don't. does she have any options at all?
  
  ed

• yani said on Jul 17, 2007....

  None that i can think of, for now. I am tightly bound here.

  How can i have him hospitalized, how can i even tell him to see a doctor?

  How?

   

• silverwhisper said on Jul 18, 2007....

  i was referring to having him committed to a mental hospital.
  
  ed

• Princessnini said on Jul 20, 2007....

  24-HOUR COUNSELING CENTER MANILA: (632) 810-7717 NATIONWIDE PHILIPPINE TOLL-FREE NO. (FREE DOMESTIC LONG DISTANCE) 1-800-1-888-8700 USA TOLL-FREE NO. 1-866-367-2742 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- MAILING ADDRESS P.O. BOX 2572, MAKATI CENTRAL POST OFFICE, 1265 MAKATI CITY, PHILIPPINES E-MAIL ADDRESS FOR PRAYER: prayer@cbnasia.org FOR INFORMATION: info@cbnasia.org P.O Box 2572 MCPO 1265 Makati City Philippines Telefax: (632) 817-6520 Telephone: (632) 812-0581 or 92 / 840-3176 Celphone: +63-9195544930 Email: info@obphil.com Website: http://www.obphil.com

• cllwlkr said on Jul 22, 2007....

  Oh my.. that is not Love!  That is control.  My ex did the same thing but with a gun... please get some help and get away from him.

• RollingC said on Jul 22, 2007....

  If you were in the States (anywhere) I'd tell you to call the cops and have him declared a Baker Act..... that way you force a psychological evaluation on his ass that you can take to court with and protect yourself.
  You can also take the low profile approach and tell him that you're going to visit a doctor....actually you go to the doctor and tell him what's going on and in your second visit ask him to come with you for moral support and then the doctor can do the talking.
  How much do you love this guy anyway....I'm sure that you would go out of your way to help him.
  Rc
  

• crybabylu said on Jan 23, 2008....

  I just found this post.  I would have commented on it, but I didn't come to SC until the last of October. I am going to read some more recent blogs of yours to see how this got resolved.  Glad you are back.

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