• StupidGenius said on Jul 15, 2007....

  You are right. Words are powerful and the way they are used can have a deep impact on someone else. I feel for you.
   
  Just look inside yourself and you will realise that only the people that you love and that love you realy matter. Everything else fades to the backround.
   
  SG

• botoni said on Jul 15, 2007....

  MissMimi....young boys can and will say the cruelest things. You are totally correct when you say that those things can stay with us forever. Although you may not believe me my guess is that boy would have yelled the same thing at Marilyn Monroe. He wasnt aiming for you. He was aiming for the attention of his friends and you got to be the victim.

• evil_twin said on Jul 15, 2007....

  What a horrible story! I don't understand why people need to be so cruel for no reason. But people who do things like that, only do them because they're insecure themselves. And somehow, it gives them a boost to put other people down. I don't know how it works, but I know it does, in some warped way.
  
  When I was 13, I remember a girl at school who I liked. And her friends told me she liked me too, and I was really excited. It was like the best thing that ever happened to me, at the time. But it turned out, they all thought I was stupid and lame, and were only saying she liked me so that I'd make a fool of myself by talking to her. They all got a good laugh out of me attempting to ask her to my house to hang out.
  
  I'll never forget everyone making fun of me and saying I was pathetic...it does stay with you, no matter how long ago it was. I'm sorry you experienced that, Mimi....
  
  -evil_twin LA
  

• lioneljay said on Jul 15, 2007....

  We live in a society that prizes physical beauty to such a great extent that none of us is immune to the pressure of trying to measure up. And the vast majority of us find reasons to doubt that we measure up. The advertising industry has done a fine job of persuading all of us that there is merit in seeking to become more attractive and the clear but underlying assumption is that all of us could use a little help in this regard. And so we doubt our own attractiveness.
  
  Further, the subject of attractiveness dominates the mating game. On some level, we seem to equate attractiveness with being a suitable mate. And yet what constitutes attractiveness evolves from one era to the next so it's clearly not a fixed part of our genetic makeup to believe that certain physical attributes are reliable indicators of anything necessary to the survival of the species.
  
  And so it goes.
  
  But you already know all this, don't you, Mimi? As you said, your logical side knows that the slight you suffered from that little twit meant nothing. And yet such slights can live with us for decades.
  
  When I was in the eighth grade, one of my teachers tried an experiment in class. He asked us to swap homework papers, or maybe it was quizzes, for correction. His instruction was to give our paper to the person in the class that we disliked the most. Several people seated near me handed me their papers in an instant. To say that I was crushed would be a gross understatement. That was fully forty years ago but I remember it vividly.
  
  Why, oh why do we hang on to such awful things? I wish I knew.
  

• sweet_rose said on Jul 15, 2007....

  It's so much easier to believe the bad things.It's up to us to know who we are on the inside.To dig deep and for the world to see those insights about us. MissMimi, it's now up to you to show that little boy all the good that's makes you beautiful... inside and out. You know that your not the best you could be at this moment... that's why your memories go back to that day. Your beating up on yourself. It's time to stand up and flip that little boy the bird. Then scream....I am beautiful you Fu**!  Then sit back down and finish enjoying the ride. :-)
   
   
  because sister the rest of the ride is fantastic!!!!!

• sins4luv said on Jul 15, 2007....

  Someone once said "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent".
   
  I KNOW words can wound deeper than any knife, but you have to realize that he was a child (as were you) who knew no better how deeply one's words could damage one's inner beauty! You have to believe in yourself and know that you are a beautiful person. Once you believe in yourself and understand how beautiful you truely are the thoughtless words of a child will seem as meaningless as they were to begin with.

• Perdy said on Jul 15, 2007....

  Kids are, and always have been, very cruel at times. I have several memories such as this one...And you're not alone in the fact that comments can oftentimes be so hurtful and effect us for a long while. (((Hugs)))... I'm sure you're quite lovely!
  ~Perdy

• polarheart said on Jul 15, 2007....

  Mimikins, I am so sorry to read this.  Like most, I too had my moments of humiliation during my school years. . .I was once told that I look like a "banshee".  In my adult years I have come to realise that I have never looked like a banshee, but the kids that said that too me did it for the purpose of humiliation. 
   
  I think the best way to deal with this kind of thing that still stings from the past is to say out loud "I forgive you, because you did not know what you were doing".  Release him in your memories and thereby release the hurt.  I have done this before and for me it has worked.
   
  By the way, I have seen a photo of YOU and YOU are BEAUTIFUL!!! 
   
  Love and hugs, Polar

• Froggie_50 said on Jul 15, 2007....

  I feel for you

• Eilan said on Jul 15, 2007....

  I had similar experiences when I was that age, Mimi, though the people involved were my age or older and people I knew.  I get a certain satisfaction in seeing how they look nowadays.
  
  You rock!   *hugs*
  

• CreativeWoman said on Jul 15, 2007....

  Mimi,
  I have had similar experiences.  They do stay with you for whatever reason.  You are right that it is hard to explain.  Don't feel bad for admitting how much something so cruel hurt you. Words do cut and are the slowest wounds to heal sometimes.
  
  You are loved here.  You really are.  That boy was no judge of beauty. 
  
  CW
  

• queenparanoia said on Jul 15, 2007....

  missmimii know how you feel. i still remember the word that hurt me until this day. i still remember the teasing that made me cry. yes words. mere words. but so powerful that it can break you down any moment. hold on missmimi. words may be powerful but remember you are more powerful than his words!!! =)

• MsStar39 said on Jul 15, 2007....

  Kids can say the cruelest things, it is up to adults to correct them
  if we happen to be around to catch them in the act. Adults can
  also be cruel, telling their kids that they are not any good and
  will never amount to anything.
  My worst memory growing up was my grandmother saying that
  I was ugly, it was hard for me to write that as it still hurts to think
   about it. I have forgiven her for all of her cruelty and put it behind
  me or I would end up like my sister who continued to have night-
  mares about home all through her adult life.
  

• Jenna said on Jul 15, 2007....

  Mimi....hugs to you sweetheart!  Why, why why....do we always remember and take to heart the bad stuff?  Why do we not take in all of the good, people say to us? 
   
  I am sorry this hurt you so.....I understand why it did though.
   
  Mimi....I have seen your heart.....and what a beautiful heart it is!
   
  Love to you my friend! 

• mom said on Jul 15, 2007....

   Mimi,

  *hugs* I can relate to what you are saying.  Those words do stay with us, if only we took to heart the kind words that are spoken to us instead of the bad ones. I think we all relive those moments, trying to make some sense of them, but unfortunately we are never able to. I can almost guarantee you that he got his, people always do. Kids are cruel, and mean and their ugliness finds its way on to the outside sooner or later.

• boyzmom said on Jul 15, 2007....

  I was a buck-toothed kid with bad posture, be thankful that you weren't me! I enjoyed a short time as a beautiful young adult but now I am just getting older and uglier by the day, but that doesn't matter to me. Even though the teasing while I was growing up hurt my feelings, it didn't keep me from finding my beauty and now it doesn't even matter. I hope you find a way to let go of that moment! : )

• GrapeKoolaid said on Jul 15, 2007....

  I say find that lil bastard, punch him in the nose.  He'll have no idea who you are, but you can say to him, "Who's pretty ugly now?" when his nose is turned in sideways. 
  
  Oh I know.  You can't find him...  You don't even know who this damn kid was...  Still amusing to ponder, no?
  
  Just trying to help.  :)
  

• mirrorimage said on Jul 15, 2007....

  Mimi, stories like this break my heart. When I was in elementary school I said something really horrible to someone and it still bothers me that I said it....I can't seem to forgive myself. I'm not sure if it helps any to know that he probably still thinks about it as well and feels just as bad as you do knowing what kind of pain that must have caused you.... I know that I do. The worst part about it for me was that I said it out of anger because someone did something similar to me... i was just passing along the pain and humiliation.... I'm not sure if any of this helps or not.

• mobil said on Jul 15, 2007....

  You should have given these guys the finger Mimi. Some of us are more thick
  skinned than others. We need thick skin Mimi, it's hard as a young girl to have
  thick skin. Fuck them and let it go if you can.

• missunderstood1162 said on Jul 15, 2007....

  I got some asses to kick....where are they? 
  I (heart) you.
  Miss
  

• Zayda said on Jul 15, 2007....

  It's amazing how cruel kids can be at that age. Hell, I saw the cruelty among the kindergarten kids in my son's kindergarten class. It's horrible.
  
  
  Mimi--You know, deep down, that you are so much more than that boy labeled you as all those years ago. You are beautiful in so many very ways.
  
  
  But, I know how you feel. I let some comments define me for a long time as well. We shouldn't. But we do.

• MissMimi said on Jul 15, 2007....

  LOL, nobody's kicking anybody's ass... It was forty years ago.  I have mixed feelings about all these comments saying the same thing happened to so many of us.  On the one hand, I feel better knowing I'm not the only one who was hurt in this way--it makes me feel like I'm not as big a loser as I thought I was.  But it makes me sad that so many of us struggle with past hurts. 

  Thank you all for your comments. 

• Suddenrain said on Jul 16, 2007....

  How sad it is, that children can be so cruel. Some grow up and get worse. some grow up to regret the mean things they've done. I have been on the recieving end of bad words and also the throwing of bad words as a child. A lot does have to do with peer pressure

• Suddenrain said on Jul 16, 2007....

  I had a whole paragraph typed out above that did'nt show up above. Just those few words. Arrrrghhh!^^^ ((huggs)) to you anyway MM.  :-)

• Suddenrain said on Jul 16, 2007....

  Geez, even the timing is all messed up! :-(

• kruuyai said on Jul 16, 2007....

  Hi Mimi,

   

  I have a comment, but I'm running late for school, so just marking for now!

• Lioness said on Jul 16, 2007....

  MissMimi, how many of us here right now have experienced such? You never really know unless they share their stories. But does that experience define who you are? I guess at that time, it did, it was a time when we thought that physical attributes are more important than character. It was a time of establishing one's identity, and acceptance is synonymous to your being "you". But it is different now. I am sure, you have proven that that kid is definitely wrong.

• LMari said on Jul 16, 2007....

  it is amazing how ppl can kinda control our feelings, if someone insults you, you feel insulted. if someone complements you- you feel good. why give someone else so much power? i dont know.

  ive had two incidents that happened worth recalling, i was walking home, a loooooooong distance from the station home, and this van was driving reckelessly close to the pavement, whole bunch of drunk teenagers. this bitch stuck her fat head out the window and screamed 'look at your fat ass', now i might not be stick thin, but im not fat. but i was still pissed off, confused and shocked? like what the fuck? ive always had some curves, and a present ass. but it made me conscious of it.

   another time was when i was at college, i was having coffee with a friend and this guy ive never seen in my life comes out of nowhere and comes up to my ear like he wants to wisper something and says 'you white trash bitch' - for no reason. i was so shocked. he walked out so quickly i didnt even get the chance to register what the fucker said. i was wearing a big coat and jeans bcos it was cold out, so it couldnt have been that i looked provocative or anything. i dont know and it still bothers me. do i have a white trash face or something?

  i dont know. some ppl out there are confused i guess, and you just gotta learn to not care - genuinely not care. be secure, happy and content with yourself. any other stupid incidents like these reflect their shakey and unkind personalities. its not you that must feel crap, its them. u cant tell me they dont feel bad about what they said at some point. arent you glad you dont have any guilt on your shoulders with things like that?  

• lfbno7 said on Jul 16, 2007....

  I don't think the little boy was being cruel.  I think he was being stupid and thoughtless.  I think he had this joke to try out on whoever he happened to see, and then he saw a girl, so there was his opportunity.  I don't think it was meant personally.  And I think if he thought for a moment that someone actually took his stupid joke seriously he would regret it.
  
  Boys that age think that they are supposed to be rivals of girls.  I think if you could have read his mind at the time you would have seen that there was nothing in there, just a few cobwebs, a staple, a broken pencil, a baseball card or two, and no thoughts to speak of.
  

• destinydiva said on Jul 16, 2007....

  missmimi~ one of the many bullies who chose to pick on me as a kid.....I still live by him..... his daughter is at the same school as my daughter.....and for about 2 years I let him cause the same fear and frustration everyday doing the school run as he had done when I was at school myself. then one day I told myself I wasnt going to let him have that effect on me anymore...... I walked my daughter in to school that morning....passing him with my head held high ...and it felt so good...... he obviosly enjoyed the ongoing fear that he had caused because after a week of holding my head high... the taunts started again...(this was a 28yr old father now, not a teenager....  and he tried to resume his bullying???) My mum came to school with me one morning and as he walked past, I stopped him (confidence having my mum by myside!!)  and how would you feel if it was your little girl getting bullied..........  that was it! in that moment he must have woke up. for awhile he had his head hung low when I passed him....a few years on, he actually smiles and says hello to me..... 
  
  sorry for waffling on with all that.....   I guess my point is....I know how you feel....  and my advise is to let go......  maybe writing this post will be a way of letting go for you??
  
  (((hugs to you)))
  Destiny  :-)
  x
  

• silverwhisper said on Jul 16, 2007....

  mimi, those kids were wrong. i and other soulcasters here have seen your heart, and the heart is the true seat of beauty in a person.
  
  ed

• Expendable said on Jul 16, 2007....

  You're a very strong and brave person, being willing to share the most hurtful moment of your life with us. I run into a lot of idiots. Don't pay them any attention.

• quietone said on Jul 16, 2007....

  MissM ~ I have always said that saying was backwards.  Sticks and stones can heal...but words just scar a life time.  I am sorry  you had such an experience at such a vulnerable age.  i remember such days myself. 

• trapbutterfly said on Jul 16, 2007....

  
  I have always tell people that I prefer to be hurt physically that emotionatly. Some people ignore the power a couple or single word have. However, try to remember all those nice things that came out of people's mouth. As someone once said, write in stone the good things people have done or said to you so it lasts forever, and in the sand the bad ones, so the water washes it away...
  Hugs, =]
  PS. I'm sure the little boy was just shy to admit in front of his peers that you were (are) really pretty. Boys are just too shy to admit it... so they have to say the opposite...lol

• redrocks said on Jul 16, 2007....

  I was older than you, around 18.
  I was going to the city.. A group of 4 or five came on the bus I was travelling on.. I was sitted alone in the backseat. I was reading something.. They started saying I was not pretty and other stuff.. I pretended not to hear and went on reading.
  Then one of them spitted on me.
  They went off to the next stop.
  
  I took handcherchief outta my beg and clean my face but as soon as I went down the bus I burst into tears because of the humiliation I was feeling..
  
  I remember I thought that if I were my sister -- pretty and always with make up on -- that wouldn't have happened.
  
  Every time this memory fleshes in my mind I still fell soooo bad...
  
  

• sweet_cookie01 said on Jul 16, 2007....

  sadly kids can be cruel... and we were too young to understand the consequences of our actions... we were too young to understand and fight off the pain and humiliation... i bet you and the other kid didnt know how your lives would have change by that simple event... sadly even if we try to get over it, it will always haunt us....

• exhibit_c said on Jul 16, 2007....

  I agree with lfbno7. Whatever he said had nothing to do with you. It was just a thoughtless joke that he had heard earlier in the day and wanted to try out himself.

• Imladris said on Jul 16, 2007....

  MissMimi - All i can say has been said by everyone else (hug)

• AlisonMarie19 said on Jul 16, 2007....

  I'm sorry, Mimi. I know all too well how cruel people can be. I hope you can heal from this now that it's out.
   
  ((((hugs))))
   
                  =(^-^)=

• COSAsister said on Jul 16, 2007....

  MissMimi - That sucks and I can totally relate, I actually have a fairly recent experience... A couple of years ago I worked with this lady. We were pregnant at the same time, and she lost her first baby but was able to get pregnant again soon after. She invited herself to my baby shower but never showed up. Then when I returned to work, she talked to me all of the time. Soon after she had her baby. I had problems with my milk supply, and I had confided this to her. It was embarressing and hard for me to accept not being able to feed my son. I can remember talking to her after her baby was born and she said ina very bold way that she has no problems with her milk, plenty of milk. I thought that was wonderful. Then she invited me over to her house. We made plans. I called her that morning, no answer. After a few times, she picked up the phone and hung up on me. I was 28 at the time, and she was 35. At the time I was super hurt, humiliated and angry. I can now look back and know that she had some serious issues. I don't know what they are but I do know that they all have to do with her self esteem. She needed to feel better by making me feel bad. Maybe because she had a miscarriage, i dont know. I do know that I can let go of that experience.

Comment on "A Defining Moment"

Currently tagged	life memories embarrassment rudeness hurt self-image self esteem life memories loved hugs (Click to add tags below)
Tag this post	(Separate tags using commas, for example: New York, dating, vegetarian)
Your comment