• Lioness said on Jul 13, 2007....

  Welcome to SC! I cannot speak for every single women out there, but i would give my 2 cents worth of comment.
  
  Guys have to be sincere. They have to be their natural selves. No pretensions. Looks are important too, so I suggest you put some pictures. It's better picturing out accurately someone you are responding to, than imagining what he looks like. Don't worry, if it's true love, it would go beyond physical attraction.

• wordman said on Jul 13, 2007....

  The most important thing (should go without saying) is honesty. If something a man says doesn't make sense, you can bet it is a lie. Not all of us are meant to be a 'couple'.........some of us have a greater destiny. It has been my experience that when you focus on yourself instead of others, your world will complete itself without effort.

• slirpuff said on Jul 13, 2007....

  What women look for in a man changes
  it seems every 10 years.. Only what I observed
  as being a guy... but I don't think I'm far off base.
  20's  The look for the good looking hot bad boy type..
  30's   A good looking secure & mature family man 
  40's   Someone who financially secure, mature and mobile
  50's   Someone who is nice to them who they can grow old with.
  60's   If the man's still breathing he's a good catch..
  The women who rejected you in her 20's and married a loser
  would now kill for you in their 30's & 40's...
  Steve

• TravelGirl said on Jul 13, 2007....

  Welcome to SC.
  I think the most important thing women look for is some sort of connection or click. You mention that you look for ladies with similar interests as you have. Well, if the internet dating thing doesn't work, why not try doing some of your favorite activities at a club, then you will meet them in person. Also, try not to be too pushy when you meet someone you would like to get to know better. For some reason us girls can get a bit turned down by a guy that is overly eager. Just relax, be yourself, and don't hang out with a woman with the sole purpose of finding in her the love of your life, give it some time. And try and do things that make you feel good about yourself. To me a man who is confident and comfortable with himself is very attractive.
   
  I hope this helps a bit, keep posting!

• 45-yr-oldvirgin said on Jul 13, 2007....

  LIONESS: Thanks, but I have my picture posted on the sites, and it really hasn't helped. I try to be very sincere as well, but I guess I just have to keep trying.

  TravelGirl: Thanks as well. I'm not sure I could be myself at a club. I very shy and would have trouble making a connection. I've have no problem talking to different women, although I usually don't have a lot to say, but I guess I don't have enough confidence in myself to take the extra plunge and ask them for their number or a lunch/dinner date. It's one of the reasons, I do like Internet sites, because if I do get a yes, I know that person is interested. I'm just a little frustrated right now because its been a while since I did get a yes response and I wondered if I was doing something wrong.  But thank you for time.

   

• PassionTraveler said on Jul 13, 2007....

  Slirpuff, you have it just about right as a commentary on women as a whole.
  
  But 45, to answer your question more specifically from my own experience & preferences:
  
  As I've aged, there are some things I won't tolerate. I'm too old to be playing games, and I really look for chemistry first. If it's not there, it doesn't matter how good looking, successful or how much of a match he is with my wishlist, chemistry is something irrespective of looks, success, etc. To that end, I always say, the fat, bald guy has as much of a chance with me as the good-looking guy if chemistry is there.
  
  Here are my deal breakers:
  
  1. - No chemistry (but friends can develop regardless)
  2. - Controlling behavior - first sign, and I'm gone.
  3. - Respectful of women and a woman's independence so long as her independence doesn't interfere with common goals and life circumstances together
     
  4. - Has to be willing to travel and be somewhat adventurous -- on a trip as well as in bed. (I'd be willing to allow a slow ramp up for lack of experience (wink).)
  5. - A good communicator and ability to develop emotional intimacy. I used to go for the strong silent type, thinking that still waters ran deep. In fact, the strong silent type is silent, because he has nothing to say. I need a man who freely communicates and shares openly with me. By reading my blog, you will know I'm an open and tactful, but direct person. I like sex a lot too, but I can live without AS MUCH sex if I have emotional intimacy with a man.
  If you meet or exceed the criteria outlined in the deal-breakers, you should have no problem. Of course, chemistry is something evaluated only in person, but like I said, the fat, bald guy has as much of a chance with me as the good-looking guy if chemistry is there.
  
  Stay sincere and open. Don't try to pretend you are something you aren't. That just makes you look less confident or arrogant. Hope that helps, 45.
  
  PT
  

• ellamae14 said on Jul 14, 2007....

  even my friends don't know what I look for in a guy. They think that I'm super slow paced when it comes to developing feelings for the opposite sex. They even asked me once if I have ever had a crush before. Of course this is but a cruel joke. The only reason why I'm not into dating, is because I'm really looking for certain qualities. And I don't play around. I hate to break anyone's heart so the moment a guy showed me some signs that he's interested and I'm not, I'm gone. For me friendship is very important. I want a guy who is sensible and matured and really listens. I want him to look me in my eyes when we are talking and not in any part of my body. Too many men out there who do this all the time. It makes me feel violated. And it's bad enough to be caught once, don't repeat it again. With the way that I write you can already assume that I have a strong character. It's true. That's why guys who can make me listen and follow ( of course through reasons and approriate tact) always gets my attention. There I hope this helps.

• Eilan said on Jul 14, 2007....

  When it comes to Internet dating, you have to keep in mind that for the most part, men vastly outnumber women, so you have to work that much harder to make your profile stand out from the crowd.  If you ended up with a couple of female friends from online dating sites, you've done better than a lot of men.
  
  Good luck to you.
  

• husbandhater said on Jul 14, 2007....

  I had to subscribe to you 45 when I saw your name. I love your honesty. You seem to wear your heart on your sleeve. When I was available and looking I just wanted someone warm,loving,funny,who was eazy to talk to,cared a lot for me and themself. Who was willing to go to hell and back for me and I'd do the same for them. Who would put up with me and all my crap and I with theirs.
   
  I beleive that for every Pot their is a lid. You just have to find the lid for you 45. Welcome to SC and I hope you enjot it here. Just look at it this way: You have a bunch of lids to go though so start looking but don't be desperate or obvious. Just open up,relax,and have fun. When you find yourself doing this the perfect lid will be right there for you. H.H~The Husbandhater!~

• SecretFetish said on Jul 14, 2007....

  I'm currently going through a separation from my husband of 20 years. We have been together since I was 16 and he was 17. So the last time I was "guy hunting" I was looking for hot,sexy,young guys. Now I'm 37 and my tastes have changed sooo much.
  
  I am a bit shallow still I guess, looks are important to me, but not as important as they were. For instance, a typical guy that I would have been attracted to would have to have been taller than me. I am 5'7. I like men that are a little muscular..as in, they can take care of themselves if the need ever arose. Dark hair is a must, eyes unimportant.
  
  NOW things have changed since I have aged. I am having an affair (sorta) and he is nothing like what I would normally go after. He is a smidge shorter than me, he is not all muscley, he does have dark hair though. heh
  
  He is a self proclaimed nerd. A nerd is not someone I would have ever dated...but this guys rocks my boat and he knows it. I like a challenge and he gives it to me. My husband just rolls over and gives me whatever I want, my secretfetish does not, he keeps me coming back for more. He gives me a good chase, keeps things interesting.
  
  So..being that I am older I also am looking for security. I do not want a man that is still living with his parents or anyone for that matter. I don't want a guy that is driving an old beater either..lol
  
  My kids are teenagers so I really don't want to start all over and raise someone elses kids but I would do it for the right man. My SF has little children, but I love them dearly and would love to be their mom.
  
  I do believe you will find that someone for you, but it'll probably be when you least expect it. I am leery about looking fr love online.. I am always afraid the person is lying to me. So, don't give up just yet...just remember a woman loves to be spoiled, but you can over do it, like my husband does and then it is meaningless.
  
  
  

• kelly said on Jul 15, 2007....

  Consider the possibility that you might be looking through the wrong end of the eyeglass.  I once asked  friend of mine "what is it that women want?"  His response was "who cares?"  After I got over my initial shock of that I realized there was wisdom in what he said.  To a certain degree you need to forget about figuring out what women want and figure out instead what you want.  The difference is between hoping you'll find someone and going out and finding someone.
  
  
  Knowing what it is that you want is the first and most important question.  Obviously this does not mean that you should objectify women, but that you should try to be the captain of your destiny, which is probably something that women find more attractive than the guy that hangs about hoping he'll be noticed.
  
  
  So, that's my advice.  Worth what you paid for it.

• 45-yr-oldvirgin said on Jul 16, 2007....

  Thank you all. When I made my original post, I was a little frustrated and feeling a little low about it all. But after ready all your posts, it has really helped me look at the overall. I just have to be my self, and hopefully it will work out. Thanks again.
  But I do have a question for you, Husbandhater: Am I a pot looking for a lid? Or a lid looking for a pot? LOL
  Again, thanks all. And I think I going to like it here. I will post again, soon.

• PassionTraveler said on Jul 16, 2007....

  I say 45-yr-oldvirgin is going to have to get himself a new moniker when all our support and encouragement gets him the lid to his pot!
  
  Stay positive and stay true to the great person you are.
  
  PT
  

• 45-yr-oldvirgin said on Jul 16, 2007....

  Thank you PT!

• TheNakedProfessor said on Jul 17, 2007....

  Are you Scott Baio?
   

• 45-yr-oldvirgin said on Jul 17, 2007....

  I was warned about posters like you. Believe what you want to believe. It won't effect me.

• TheNakedProfessor said on Jul 17, 2007....

  Like me???????
   
  Where?
   

• kelly said on Jul 19, 2007....

  Dude, it's in all the papers.  :-)

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