The house was picked up but not spotless;, my company's re-branded website launched
to good reviews by my team mates; my friend in the hospital was
discharged today which followed a 3 hours commute back to work after giving him a ride home from the hospital, but I didn't mind; the Men's charity meeting went well, and the guy I met on the 405 freeway will meet me on Saturday for dinner.
And the friend with benefits? It was very relaxed, comfortable and
pleasurable, although simple. We were both tired--exhausted
actually--but not enough to turn each other away.
The nice thing, it was comforting. He's big, affectionate and warm, and
has nice arms that are easy to entwine around me. Sometimes that's just
as important -- the human contact.
I don't think he'll turn into anything serious. Not that I wouldn't mind, but it needs more emotional
intimacy for that to happen. However his brief "layover" this time had
some decent communication moments before drifting off to sleep that
qualified as building emotional intimacy. And we both acknowledged that
each time we are together, we enjoy each other's company more and it's
much more relaxed between us, and comfortable than our awkward first
few dates.
Although I know he really likes our physical time between us, I think
he's growing fonder of me emotionally. I may be mistaken, but his
behavior is now more chase-like than before and he seemed to open up to me far more than previously. He still loves my eyes, and He calls
more often now, including from the airport just before he boarded this
morning to say good bye, and finds me online far more often than just
to let me know he'll be in my neighborhood.
The new man I met on the 405 freeway Monday is even younger than my friend
with benefits. With him, I won't give in so easily for a variety of
reasons. I want to make sure he's not seeing me as the older woman who
will provide him with private lessons. And I am a bit suspicious of someone so young claiming they are still in the same place in life as me, more than a decade older.
There is another issue. I try very hard to keep an open mind about races and religions. I think the many colors of humanity makes a beautiful rainbow on this planet. As for religion, as long as we can come to an agreement about such things as how to raise the kids, and respect each other's beliefs, I'm fine with differing faiths. However he's of a certain race & religion that has a very bad reputation of late, particularly in how they treat women. But he has lived in the states since age nine, so I suppose he's more acclimated to the culture and perceptions of equality than someone just arriving on our soil.
We were supposed to have coffee tonight after work, but his company pulled him to another location, which frankly worked out for me. I am still exhausted and wasn't really up for company. I talked to him for a while on the phone tonight though. It was pleasant. He wants to get together this Saturday. He asked what I wanted to do. I suggested coffee again, and his response was "Is coffee your escape plan?" I was embarrassed. It wasn't exactly an escape plan, although I found coffee to be safer. I feel guilty when a guy spends a lot of money on me for a first date and there's no chemistry. I've just gotten in the habit of making my first meetings very casual and simple.
But honestly, this wasn't exactly my reason. I have already met him, it's not like the first time meets of dating online. He suggested dinner. I said, sure, but not on a week night, which was originally what we were considering.
I think I'm just cautious because I don't want to be anyone's tutor. I want to be someone's equal, lover, partner, and soulmate.
PassionTraveler posted on Jul 12, 2007
| views: 253
Comments
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45-yr-oldvirgin said on Jul 13, 2007....
I'm not sure what you mean by tutor, but I hope it all works out. Myself, I still looking and hoping my soulmate will make her arrival soon. -
PassionTraveler said on Jul 13, 2007....
me too 45. As a 39 year old woman. most men in my preferred age bracket either don't want kids, have already had them and don't want more, or are taken. If they are interested in kids, it's not with a woman much older than them.
So most men interested in me that are 10+ years my junior are looking for the older woman experience... someone to teach them how to be a better lover. Wisdom of sexual experience and all that. That's what I mean by tutor. I don't want to be anyone's tutor. I want to be someone's equal, lover, partner, and soulmate.
I'd love to know more about you. Where do you live?
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silverwhisper said on Jul 13, 2007....
i'd be awfully suspicious about the new guy, too, PT. but i'm glad your friend and you weren't too tired. :>
ed -
45-yr-oldvirgin said on Jul 13, 2007....
PT, Like you, I also live in SoCal. I'm single and never been married. In fact, mainly due to my shyness, I didn't start dating until my late 20s, taking advantage of the video dating companies, and later the Internet dating sites. These were a Godsend to me, because, again due to my shyness, I always found it difficult to approach a woman and ask for her number or a date.
I read your story about your chance meeting with the guy on the 405, and honestly that's something I would never have the guts to do; I even find it difficult approaching someone I may work with, who I know is available, and ask her for a lunch date. The personal rejection I just couldn't take. But video dating, and later internet dating saved me, because I could respond to their ad and let them know I'm interested, and if there said no there was no harm done, you just move on and keep trying.
But lately I received a lot of "No's" and its obviously getting to me. I often wonder if i will ever meet my special someone. And yes, my sign-on name is what i am. Believe its not by choice, but again mainly due to my shyness, I don't get to a lot of opportunities to express my manhood, so to speak. Normally, I wouldn't have the guts to admit these to a group of friends or in person, but here I feel i can get away with it without the embarrassing stigma. I think its one of the things I like about this site, you can be more open and it does seem like good therapy.
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Daniel68 said on Jul 13, 2007....
Wow - I don't know how to follow up to 45-yr-v. All I can say is that it takes guts to do what you are doing. As somebody who struggled with shyness until adulthood, it was difficult to read.As to PT, I think her instincts serve her well. I think the 29 year old, if i have his ethnicity pegged, may just be looking for the white cougar. Maybe that's a bullshit thing to say, but that's how it reads from her.As for PT, well.. she's a great person. I have a relationship in Chicago going, and sometimes I sit through some of the awkward parts that occur when I shut down (which I do), and find myself wishing the woman I'm seeing was more like PT. And that's not a good sign (for me). -
45-yr-oldvirgin said on Jul 13, 2007....
DANIEL: It was a little bit tough writing it, but after reading so many posts of people opening up to each other, I actually felt comfortable in writing it. I guess a way to vent about my inner feelings a little. Again, like I wrote, I would never admit to it in a social setting, but here it seems OK.PT: Daniel appears to be very right about you. From what I can tell by reading your postings, you seem to be a great person, with very good instincts, and my only advice would be to be very careful. It's probably better that you meet this guy somewhere like a casual restaurant, rather than he picking you up. I heard some horror stories about doing the latter. Again, I hope everything works out. -
45-yr-oldvirgin said on Jul 13, 2007....
Oh one other thing PT, just remember what Chris Rock once said about first dates: You are not going out with the guy you just met, but with his represenative! -
PassionTraveler said on Jul 13, 2007....
Daniel: You've made me blush. You and I are already so much like twin souls it's a bit surreal. But I must admit, I had resigned myself to only fantasizing about you since you live in Chi-Town not to mention our other stumbling blocks. Now, you're fantasizing about me on your dates? I'm SPEECHLESS and incredibly flattered. <grin>
So, when are you relocating to So Cal? Okay, so the question was rhetorical, and yes, I already know the answer to it. A girl can dream, can't she? <sighs>
Regardless, you know I truly connect with you here in SC and consider you a friend. If things don't improve with your current relationship, I sincerely hope that you find what you seek. There's only one of me, but maybe you can find a close proximity there in Chi-Town. <wink>
45 yo: I've not confirmed with my 405 date yet, but a couple of coworkers who also moonlight as musicians just informed me of a gig in Santa Monica that I think might make a great "safe" place to go with this guy. If anything happens, they will be there to back me up.
SC is a unique community. I lay myself bare here in SC. But then, I'm like this in real life too. Maybe a tad more reserved in a professional setting, but otherwise, I think the most accurate word to describe my writings, is RAW. Pretty much anything you want to know about me is contained here; you simply have to read.
Silver: As always I adore your comments and sage advice. The FWB is the same man referenced in my earlier post, The L Word In Context. And to date, he's the only man I've been with since Steven's death, one reason, is simply from a lack of available opportunities, another is a still-healing heart & soul, but also my lifestyle and schedule changed when I started working again. I'm often just too busy to put a lot of effort into searching for dates. If they find me, well, I guess it's simply less effort on my part right now, and that's just fine by me. Although, I must admit, the last few weeks, my dating opportunities seem to be picking up.
Who knows, maybe the more I heal, the wider my antennae broadcast to the universe that I'm ready and open again for love. A friend of mine thinks my FWB's falling for me and is just too embarrassed to say so. I'm not sure, but I have to admit, his behavior is changing. For now, I'm still playing by the FWB rules and am contemplating if this is a turn of events that I even want to happen. Time will tell, and I'm sure my SC fans will know it here first.
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silverwhisper said on Jul 16, 2007....
ah, so it's him--i was wondering. :>
you know, perhaps if his behavior is changing, that wouldn't be so bad a thing?
ed -
PassionTraveler said on Jul 16, 2007....
No, it wouldn't be so bad. For now, I'll play by the FWB rules and when he and I have more time to build some emotional intimacy, I'll explore my feelings on something more longterm with him and of course, have open communication on all of it.
Thanks for the feedback. ;)
PT
Comment on "Dust Bunnies Not Withstanding, The Dust Is Settling In PT Land"
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