Well hey everybody!

I'm making a tenuous return from the world of the living to pop into this fun lil' community. In that sense, I'm keeping the theme from hotaka's return earlier.

What's been new? Well, I've been enjoying the 2nd year of marriage to my wife. She's been amazing, and she's getting her Master's degree. Me? Well, I just finished the rough draft of my first book, and I'm currently rewriting and editing. I want to get it published and keep writing to amass a lot of wealth, because there's a ton of people in my family and life that deserve to have their debts cancelled and dreams fulfilled.

In returning to Soulcast today, I realized that I spend most of my time sharing my beliefs with those that oppose Christianity the most. I dunno why that happens so often, probably because I'm a glutton for punishment, but closer to the truth is that it's no longer good enough for the postmodern world at large to dismiss Jesus as a myth, a fairy tale, a delusion.

Many of you know my story, that I grew up not religious, but I knew a bit about God from my mom, who is a nonpracticing Christian (that is, she is a believer, but does not actively attend church or participate in church activities/volunteer work). Well, I never learned how to deal with life pressures growing up, and it came to a head in middle school, and then in high school. I just kept going and going in life, until it was too much to bear. I got anxious, depressed, sad, and isolated. I spent a fourth of 7th grade at home, and the entire 2nd half of sophomore year of high school in my room. I convinced myself I was sick in order to avoid the painful, awkward years of my life.

I had nothing but video games, sleeping, TV, and a series of medical tests that never seemed to show exactly what was wrong with me. My parents had no answers, and I started to sense the stress I put my family under. I got ashamed and even more depressed, and then I worked myself up to hide away a full bottle of sleeping pills.

But the night I was going to attempt suicide, I don't think I ever got my hands on the bottle. In a totally uncharacteristic moment, I cried out to God, the same person I'd pray to in order to get a snow day from school growing up, the same one I asked for specific presents at Christmas. But I knew there had to be a God out there that would tend to my needs.

I asked him to help me keep living, and he delivered. But it took a great deal of painful days of stepping out of my comfort zone. All of a sudden, I found myself in a new school with a group of people that loved and supported me. And then I was on a plane to Mexico to do mission work at a local church. And at that point, I found out who Jesus was for the first time. I did not have a dramatic, showy conversion experience. It was a silent decision I made to follow a savior that kept me alive.

And though I've been hurt by many Christians before, I fight to realize that they hurt me out of their own selfishness and moments of judgment, and that is not something God is responsible for. Being a Christian calls for faith and bravery beyond anything else. A regular on-the-fence guy works all day, comes home and drinks beer and watches the game, while there are Christians who bring food to the homeless in their neighborhood. Many will stay up late on Saturday and party, and spend Sundays sleeping off a hangover, while there are Christians who dutifully get up in the morning and worship the God that created everything before them.

Why do I argue Christianity so fervently? Because I've seen what life is like without the hope of Jesus as a savior. You go through experiences with Him and you find out that the petty, materialistic rat race most of middle class America is caught up in, matters little.

I believe that my life on Earth is preparing me not just for eternity in Heaven, but it is shaping me for what I will do when I get there. I get to be with Jesus in Heaven when my time is done. And I try to go outside my comfort zone to love others, because many Christians have been slaughtered simply for their belief in Jesus. In Communist Russia, in China, in Vietnam and Cambodia, in parts of South America, and so on. From Dietrich Bonhoeffer to the apostle Paul.

If no one experiences God for themselves, it's easy to dismiss Him. The thing is, God doesn't scream for our attention, much like every other voice and message we come across. he will speak to us. But if we listen to everything and everyone else, that voice gets harder to hear. If your best friend calls you once a day, but you're busy listening to the TV as you type on your laptop and watch the kids, those conversations are not going to be very beneficial. Everyone, believer or not, drowns out God's voice. And what is logical and wise to the world is exactly what drowns out God. The Bible warns against "worldly wisdom", and details what unbelievers say and do, and they do exactly what it says. Don't unbelievers know that their unbelief actually helps confirm the validity of the Bible? Most don't.

But one thing that occurs to me is that I was at one time an unbeliever. I kept score with everyone I knew, and tried to repay them for anything they did to me. I see that on Soulcast a lot - senseless sniping.

I also see gossip rampant here, and impulsive, knee-jerk posts and comments that incite debate. We say so much in the comfort of anonymity, but we seldom say anything that stays with us.

So as I return, I wish you all well, and I hope for regular updates for anyone who regularly read me. I hope that we take the time to process our lives and be honest with ourselves. That when opinions differ, we reach for listening ears instead of a sniper rifle. I'd like to share the journey of life, and peace will speak louder when all is said and done. See you guys on the other side.