I think I should have kept hiking.  I was resolved to it and now that resolve has weakened.  Think I may have just stepped in a heap of shit.  I still don't get what part of "leave me the hell alone" isn't getting through to these God-damned, good-for-nothing, mother-fucking, emotionally orked-out 12-steppers.  I also don't understand why I keep asking for help and I keep getting the whole god-damned world's fucking version of what that is and no fucking body is fucking LISTENING TO ME GOD-DAMNED IT!!!   WHY???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

 

I'm totally fucking tired of  being asked/required to take care of other people's needs at a level that our acquaintance patently does not require and having essential needs like jobs and shelter withheld for not giving what I have no obligation to give in the situations they're being required.  I'm tired of dealing with people who want to shove themselves off on me when I don't want them.  Maybe I'm reading this wrong but get this straight:  The chances of me being involved with someone who is, was, or ever will be in the US military are 1 in ZERO - I WILL NEVER BE INVOLVED WITH THE LIKES OF MY FATHER AGAIN.  Nor will I ever be involved with someone who either can't or doesn't drink.  EVER EVER EVER.  Nor will I ever be involved with anyone IN A GOD-DAMNED MOTHER-FUCKING 12-STEPPING RELIGION.  GET THAT THROUGH Y OUR FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING HEAD AND GO TAKE CARE OF YOUR OWN FUCKING EMOTIONS, THEY ARE YOURS YOURS YOURS TO TAKE CARE OF FROM WITHIN YOUR OWN HEART AND MIND THEY ARE NOT MINE AND I WILL NOT TAKE THE GOD-DAMNED THINGS ON AS IF THEY ARE.    I DON'T WANT TO HELP YOU FEEL BETTER OR FIX YOUR FUCKING FEELINGS OR LIFE.  I DON'T WANT TO GIVE OF MY HEART AND SOUL IN A RELATIONSHIP I DON'T FUCKING WANT.  If you ever succeed in pushing this shit off on me you will create nothing but a festering mess that WILL fucking blow up in your face.  Lovers forced off on me I don't want???  One day, when you're convinced I'm over it and settled down the relationship, you will wake up with a sledge-hammer between your eyes.  Ever heard of the "burning bed" defense??? Keep it up you worthless mother fuckers, you're headed there real god-damned quick.   Religions forced off on me I don't want?  One day when you're convinced I'm one of you, full-fledged, you'll find rat poison in all that god-damned coffee you mother-fuckers drink.  And you'll find it too damned late.  You've been pushing and pushing and pushing for Way too god-damned long now.  Keep it up and someone will fucking regret it.  GET THAT UGLY OLD BITCH OUT OF THE ROOM.  SHE HAS WAY TOO FUCKING MUCH DISCRETIONARY INCOME TO BE IN THAT PLACE.  LET HER GET A FUCKING HOTEL ROOM.  GET THE FUCKING 12-STEPPING ANGER WHORE AWAY FROM ME.

 

For all you bible-thumpers, God-damned is not taking the 'lord's' name in vain.  #1:  God is not a name it is a title.  #2:  god-damned means DAMNED BY GOD not GOD BE DAMNED.  DAMNED BY GOD means something is so THOROUGHLY worthless that God himself would find it worth damnation.  So fuck off when I say god-damned. 

 

There's something about having over-drank for too many years that obviously damages a person's ability to comprehend language-based oral and/or written communication.  Take Jerry Cooley, for example (a self-professed "drunk").  I tell him:  "When you're not here your restaurant runs like super-shit all the time.  This is not hyperbole or exaggeration, Jerry, when I walk into the kitchen, on a regular basis, I find NO GLASSES, NO TEA, HALF OF A SODA SELECTION, NO LEMONS, NO COFFEE, NO COFFEE CUPS,  NO SPOONS.  The cooks mostly gets the food right but other servers somehow grab the wrong shit out of the windows????  I'm busting my ass to keep up sidework and I can't make money because my time is going to picking up other servers slack.  I've had too damned many of other servers tables call me to get something for them that I'm not going to be able to find in the kitchen in the first place because no one's doing their damned side-work or visiting their other tables.  The one server in particular is too busy cruising the lobby for lovers.  I have had two couples tell me that they've come to our restaurant TWICE and gotten ice-cold rack of lamb on the inside while it's burnt on the outside.  The gentlemen of both parties tell me that their wife loves rack of lamb and we have the best deal in the business and they didn't want their wife to be disappointed but they came begrudgingly because the experience was so bad.  RACK OF LAMB TAKES A LONG TIME TO COOK AT CERTAIN TEMPERATURES.  People don't want to wait forever for their food.  I give the managers a heads up to the fact that the table has had a problem in the past.  No one goes by and says a damn thing to them.  (I've worked in much better stores in the same "chain")  They get the same experience all over again and they are pissed."  OK, so what does Jerry do? He comes in and runs the shift, making sure things run smoothly but almost the entire time, he stands in a corner and watches me so now I'm distracted trying to figure out what the hell he's trying to figure out.  Later, I get some side-winded message written on the kitchen board about "courage".  How the hell does he not get the fact that I don't need his form of "therapy"???  I don't have outside problems that need to be fixed.  I NEED HIM TO RUN HIS GOD-DAMNED RESTAURANT SO I CAN MAKE MONEY.  WTF??? 

 

What the hell has happened in our society all of a sudden???   I know my experience of life has not always been like this.  People have not always been so emotionally and intellectually shit-eating-stupid.  WTF??? WTF??? WTF???   I'm starting to think that something like the equivalent of Roman lead is happening in our society and I'm trying to figure out what that is in today's terms.  (There's a theory that the Romans went mad and deteriorated as a society because so many of their every-day utensils were made of lead and the poisoning, especially after a generation or two, is what made them lose their minds.)

 

And get this through your head:  I'm tired of wasting my energy caring about what you think, how you feel, or what you believe.  The only thing I care about from here on out is HOW YOUR BEHAVIOR AFFECTS ME.   I have done nothing to hurt any single one of the stupid individuals who want to take up the cause of cowards who refused to face me when they should have.  THERE IS A REASON FOR THAT, FOLKS.  Wake up and get your issues out of my damned life.  GROW UP.