• beyondtheveil said on Jul 10, 2007....

  moon- Ok, I'm confused. There are so many messages that can come from this artwork and writing my head is reeling.
  
  (where is k'ung fu-tzu when you need him?)
  

• quietone said on Jul 10, 2007....

  I am confused as well.  I feel a lot of sadness in this for sure.  ::(   I hope you are okay.

• silverwhisper said on Jul 10, 2007....

  moon, i know you've written in the past of friction w/ your father. does this follow in that vein? if it were creative writing, you would have tagged it that way, right?
  
  [offers moon a stiff drink]
  
  ed

• moonriver said on Jul 10, 2007....

  i'm sorry i had you all worried. i'm ok, really, just a bit wistful. i've struggled for quite some time now whether i should post this particular blog or not. so last night, i simply said to myself, what the heck, no big harm done. so here's a little confession i'm making now for the first time here at sc (only my best online friend knows the details):
  
  * i have a son who's in the threshold of adulthood and independent life. he's an incredibly smart boy (math, comp.sci, philo) -- much smarter than me in these fields, actually, aside from being so street-smart and over-confident i often fear for his safety as he jostles for his own space in the big bad city.
  
  * he's so smart he decided to drop out of the university (and a full scholarship), get a good-paying but stressful job, and use his free time and money to pursue his computer gaming skills and hacker interests to the hilt. sometimes i have this irrational worry that he's now living like that kid in the pic.
  
  * now he's in the threshold of a major life decision, and i want to help him, but he's in a distant city, never calls, never sends me email or sms. we are very close, and we talk often if he's around. but to my infinite frustration, this absolutely digital boy simply doesn't want to use his techie toys to communicate with me.
  
  * two weeks ago, we had a long talk, i gave him lots of advice, i'm not sure if he heeds them. the "love letter" i posted above is my effort to condense in a few words what he tried to tell me in those precious hours that we talked as father and son.
  
  * that pic is one of his favorite desktop decor, and he told me it speaks a thousand words for him, what he feels, what he wants to do. when i saw the image for the first time, i felt like peeking into a big part of his soul that i only vaguely understood.
  
  i know he's coping out there. and don't worry. although he has the hygiene and fashion sense of a pig, my rational side assures me that he hasn't deteriorated to the level of that poor young digital creature shown in the pic.
  
  beyond -- now you know me better, friend... :-) oh, btw, k'ung fu-tzu is simply the pinyin version of confucius. i'll explain later how this alter ego evolved, and why i find it useful to conjure every so often... :-)
  
  quietone -- thanks for the concern. i'm ok. i'm smiling as i type this, see? ((smiles))
  
  silver -- now the son has become the father, and knows how it is. i'll take another swig of that drink, if you don't mind... :-) thanks for the concern too.
  
  ok, that's all i can say for now. it helped me just to let it out. really.
  
  
  

• Me-Myself&I said on Jul 10, 2007....

  So much pain......this is all i see and feel from this picture! The person here
   looks as if they just gave-up and settled for???? They have "rose colored"
  glasses plugged in, so they can't see the real world. Their soul is all bandaged up......so sad!
  I wish i could say something to YOU. All i can think of is i'm sorry and hope nothing but good for you and your son.

• moonriver said on Jul 10, 2007....

  memyself -- i had ambivalent feelings for the pic -- strictly aside from my son's situation, which of course isn't exactly as shown in the image...lol.
  
  the plugged-in digital goggles offer an alternate reality that's probably in stark contrast with the kid's miserable real-life situation. yes, it makes us sad. at the same time, it makes me ask deep questions about how alternative realities -- and mind you, a virtual community like soulcast is itself a generator of such modified realities -- could be managed in such a way that it enhances our real daily lives instead of becoming an addiction, a drug, an escape channel from real-life pains that we could barely cope with.
  
  difficult questions, and no ready-made answers. thanks for the comment, friend.
  
  

• CreativeWoman said on Jul 11, 2007....

  The image made me sadder than the words for some reason. I hope all goes well with you and your son. CW

• moonriver said on Jul 11, 2007....

  cw -- my son and i are ok. basically, that is... :-)  when i first saw it, the image practically seized me by the collar and whispered screams into my ear -- if that's at all possible. i think i understand my kid better now.
  
  hey, thanks for dropping by, cee... you're always an honoured guest here in my cave, even if i'm no drool-crazed werewolf today.... :-)
  
  

• silverwhisper said on Jul 11, 2007....

  moon, my sympathies on the powerlessness you must be feeling about your son.
  
  ed

• moonriver said on Jul 11, 2007....

  thanks, my silver friend. 'preciate that... :-)
  
  

• silverwhisper said on Jul 11, 2007....

  times like this, i'm actually glad i'm not yet a parent--i can't imagine how much that must hurt, man.
  
  [hands moon another stiff drink]
  
  ed

• moonriver said on Jul 11, 2007....

  it's actually one of the biggest issues that tore sophie and i apart. so that when you come right down to it, it has always been a double-edged hurt. ah, but ed, i don't wanna go into that right now. ((gulps down drink))
  
  whew, that drink has a nice warm way of snaking its way into the gut, huh. ((hic)) don't offer me another, i might spill my guts all over the bar counter. ok, just one more for the road...hahaha.
  
  

• silverwhisper said on Jul 11, 2007....

  [gives him a glass of wine]
  
  :>

• moonriver said on Jul 13, 2007....

  hey people. i'm so excited. guess what... my son (let's call him migz) is arriving today for a short visit.
  
  i don't care what news he brings me -- maybe he finally left his techie job, maybe he's pursuing another job application, maybe he's decided to go back to school, or maybe he's just bumming around with his laptop rpg's and kewl hackz sites as usual -- these are side issues. (i'm sure he hasn't got a girl pregnant... he's such a sociopathic pig...lol)
  
  the important thing is that he'll be here, and we'll talk, and we'll bum around the place for the entire weekend. stormy weather we might have today, but rain or shine, i'll be here for him... :-)
  
  

• destinydiva said on Jul 14, 2007....

  I'm here..... just not sure what to say......  ((((((((((((((hug4u))))))))))))))
  ((((((((((((whiskey on ice too )))))))))))))
  :-) Destiny x
  

• Me-Myself&I said on Jul 14, 2007....

  Enjoy your visit with your son......Don't worry be Happy!!

  I'll be thinking of you two!!!!

• moonriver said on Jul 14, 2007....

  destiny, memyself -- he's here now. i have to relocate to the small living room. suddenly, the study room is very noisy and very cluttered with his stuff. his pc speakers are on full vol, he's screaming-singing at the top of his voice (i recognize cranberries, corrs...the rest are music from another star system i think) and i've half a mind to join him with my air guitar (foo fighters). we can't talk seriously in this setting. we're both hyper on spaghetti and coke... hey, thanks for checking in on me too...lol!
  
  

• destinydiva said on Jul 15, 2007....

  hope it calmed down enough there to talk.....  your son has good music taste :-)
  
  Destiny x
  

• Me-Myself&I said on Jul 15, 2007....

  Hope yesterday with your son was.....**smile**...fine and dandy!

• moonriver said on Jul 16, 2007....

  destiny, memyself -- migz and i talked. not  enough time if you ask me. anyway, he's gone back to the big city, job-hunting. good news is, he wants to go back to the university. but he has to work harder for it now. thanks for dropping by... :-)
  
  

• Listener said on Jul 16, 2007....

  I didn't think that picture of me was out on the internet :(

• moonriver said on Jul 16, 2007....

  was that really you, dude? hey man, it's all over the Internet now. you're famous!
  
  

• gingersoul said on Jul 31, 2007....

  Moon.....i saw this blog only now.....it have me creepes...

  What a sad drawing. So scary. So negative.

  I know i wouldnt want to think about my kid feeling this way. If he only could understand what a wonderful father you are, my friend. 

  How come we are able only rarely to recognize the value of the people we have closest? {{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}

• moonriver said on Jul 31, 2007....

  ginger -- migz (my son's "name" in this blog) has artistic tastes that are very similar to mine when i was his age -- surreal, shocking, funny in a morbid way....
  
  to be honest, i was both horrified and fascinated by that image. it's like the visceral punch that i feel whenever i watch horrible film scenes like in alien and saving private ryan... i flinch and yet i can't take my eyes off the screen.
  
  migz will be ok. i think he is slowly absorbing the reasons why he grew up the way he did. i imagine his mind as an incredibly bright pulsing light, but always veiled in dark clouds. i know these clouds will dissipate sooner or later. just give him time... and support... and unconditional love.
  
  thank you for your understanding, my dear friend. ((hugs))
  
  

• speaking_up said on May 24, 2009....

  omg...thank you so much for sharing this story, moon...!  How are things going now?  (((HUGS)))

• moonriver said on May 25, 2009....

  hi speaking-up.
  miggy has matured a lot in the past two years since i wrote this post.
  he still needs a lot of growing up to do, and a few tiny demons still need to be exorcised from his memory banks as a child.
  but he's mostly ok now, like i wrote in a more recent post... here.
  thanks for reading... :-)
  
  

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