• CreativeWoman said on Jul 07, 2007....

  Oh, Grape. I don't know what to say.  I feel the pain in your words.  You have friends here. We're here for you.
  
  (((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))
  
  CW
  

• GrapeKoolaid said on Jul 07, 2007....

  CeeDub:  You don't have to say anything.  You being here is enough.  Thank you. 
  
  Remember what I said about major transitions? 
  

• evil_twin said on Jul 07, 2007....

  Wow...dude, I didn't see that coming. Of course, I don't really know you that well. But this just sucks. I'm sorry man. There's nothing worse than having the rug pulled out from under you like that. I wish there was something I could say to help.
  
  -evil_twin LA
  

• botoni said on Jul 07, 2007....

  Grape! Ouch! I m hurting for you. The sudden decisions that are dumped on you would have me raging. I m impressed that you cna handle it so well. If its ok I m just gonna grab a tub of ice cream and sit down with you.

• GrapeKoolaid said on Jul 07, 2007....

  e_t:  You're telling me!  I (still)feel this sense of connection to her like we were meant for each other, but apparently that feeling that we once shared has diminished with her, while mine grew stronger.  Funny how things turn out sometimes, huh?  Wish I could laugh at it, but I'm afraid the wound's still too fresh.  Perhaps with some time, I'll be able to look back at this and smile, but for now, I don't feel like smiling, let alone clean. 
  
  botoni:  Sure, sis.  Pop a squat.  Thanks for stopping in.  Here's a spoon.  Like I said, this is still all very raw, so I'll let you know how I'm really handling it in a few days, I guess. 
  

• evil_twin said on Jul 07, 2007....

  I don't know if you'll ever laugh about it. And if you were laughing right now, I'd know it was crazy maniacal laughter. The kind of laughter evil clowns erupt into before they attack you. And that just wouldn't be good for anyone.
  
  Just try to hold it together the best you can. When my ex left me (or rather kicked me out) I was a mess. It's okay to be like that for awhile. It takes time. This is like brand new. I imagine you're actually kind of numb at this point.
  
  -evil_twin LA
  

• CreativeWoman said on Jul 07, 2007....

  Grape,
  Yes, I remember what you said about major transitions. You know what they say about one door closing and a window opening?  We all go through our pains in life.  It's how we choose to react to them that defines us.  But, I'm not saying anything you don't already know.
  
  Hang in there,
  
  CW
  

• wombat said on Jul 07, 2007....

  I don't know you very well, but would like to say I hope you don't let that apartment sit empty way too long.  May you find things to fill it and your life and heart with.  I am sorry you are hurting now. 

• GrapeKoolaid said on Jul 07, 2007....

  e_t:  yup.  Numb is right.  I'm not cleaning.  In fact, I think I'm gonna go take a ride on my bike.  Thanks, bud. 
  
  CW:  Thanks.  I know.  I'm looking for that window, so I can jump out of it.  :)  No I'm just kidding.  I get the feeling that the window will open up when I least suspect it.  Thanks again, CW. 
  
  wombat:  Thank you for your very kind words.  This apartment's gonna be done by the end of the month.  I'm not staying here.  I don't want the memories of us "playing house" to be any fresher than it has to be, you know? 
  

• wombat said on Jul 07, 2007....

  Enjoy the bike ride!  You sound like you are on a good path, even with the sadness of the momemt.

• the_infernal_optimist said on Jul 07, 2007....

  ((hugs)) Wow, Grape. I saw the title of your post and blinked a few times when I realized you were the author.
  
  Ouch.
  
  I hope you can find that open window sooner than later, and that it erases most of the echoes the door shutting has left.
  
  ~Infernal
  

• Mamie said on Jul 07, 2007....

  awww, Grape, that just sucks. I am so sorry. I kinda like your idea of catching some wind on your bike and maybe call a bud just to talk it out. Ya gotta eat., right?..put down that ice cream (once your party with Botoni is over) and get out and spend some time.

  So just who did she tell her dad she was living with and won't it be kind of weird that your stuff will be there? If you have some boxes, maybe give her a helping hand and have them boxed and ready to go...with the locks changed? Or does that idea make you hear ET's clown laughing like a maniac?

  OK, maybe that's not nice but I am feeling for ya! M

• cathiesblogg said on Jul 07, 2007....

  I feel for you too, I feel the pain in your heart, but, look at the good side..there are no children involved..thank God ! ..you will survive this and become much stronger then before..I hope you meet a really good lady..I can tell that you are a good person and you deserve it!..let her go and act like you don't care..this will get her probally more then anything! she sounds like a very self centered person..and remember this..what comes around ..goes around!!

• wordman said on Jul 07, 2007....

  You are obviously in deep hurt over a person who wasn't that into you darling. When the dust settles you will be happy to have moved on. Your postings reflect a sensitivity that can only come from a pure soul. We all have our paths to walk. Yours just happened to cross over a life lesson. Sounds like you weren't ready for a learning experience. Nonetheless, you will not make the same mistake again. Right?  Ain't love grand.

• soloangel said on Jul 07, 2007....

  Ohhhhh Grape...Im so sad for u. U r such a good person. I know this doesnt help but remember the saying "everything happens for a reason".  And knowing u from diff. posts, u will figure this out in ur own mind, an come out on top. U strike me as pretty level headed person. I know the insanity of what u feel at this moment, and it will subside eventually. "Opens the window for u"....run for a bit.  Then stop, sit down, cry.  Not sayin itll go away today. But after a couple breakdowns it gets easier an easier. Been thru this myself. Im only hopeing the best for u.  ((hugs))

• Sandman said on Jul 07, 2007....

  Grape :  This is first time i read your stuff and

  i felt your pain all the way out here in IL.  I know

  of the pain you speak and there is nothing wrong

  with being angry and hurt . Perfectly normal

  emotions . Do some writing about how you feel

  now --- hang out with friends a little more then

  normal . Just have fun . At least try . Have you

  had a sit down talk with her since this started ?

  It will pass in time --- still that knowledge will

  not make u feel any better right now . Sorry for

  your pain !   First couple rounds of beer are on

  me ! ! !        SAND

• JadeLondon said on Jul 08, 2007....

  Grape, this makes me angry. I hate to see you so wronged, and even more that there is nothing I can do about it. She dubbed you a convenience, and it pisses me off.

  I'm sorry--it's been a long day. I shouldn't add to your grief.

  The one thing I can appreciate in all of this is your steady resolve to make changes for the positive. You've always put an optimistic spin to things that I can only envy. It is because of this that I know, ultimately, you will still prosper.

  I wish you well. I have one shoulder marked 'Reserved For Grape' (if you should need it). :)

• GrapeKoolaid said on Jul 08, 2007....

  wombat:  Nothing like a six hour bike ride into the sunset, wearing tinted goggles into the night.  When I'm going 75mph on the highway w/o a helmet, I'm a little too scared to be anything else, you know?
  
  infernal:  Thank you infernal.  I think there was a part of me that was somehow prepared for this.  An inkling, if you will(That is, the children of ink). 
  
  Mamie:  :)  He thinks I come by once in a while to feed the plants and checks the mail and stuff during the summer when she's up there, so my stuff being here's really not that big of a deal.  I'm kinda paranoid that she may take everything, though.  My rice cooker, my TV, my laptop....  I'm just going to cram all my stuff into one closet and hope it gets undisturbed.  At this point, I don't really care whether her dad knows or not. 
  
  cathie:  Thanks.  Sorry you had to step into one of my downer posts.  Usually, I am funny, and charming, and all that.  It is indeed a good thing that there are no children involved.  We were together for 7 years, so there were instances, but we were generally very careful.  I don't wish her ill at all.  I don't fault her for looking out for her interests, and I wouldn't fault anyone for that.  It's just a painful situation and I'll get over it, it's just the "in the meantime", or "for now" bit that I'm having a hard time with. 
  
  wordman:  You have a very eloquent, poetry-like flow to your style.  It's packed with goodies, too.  Very nutritious.  As I mentioned to infernal, there was a side of me that was steeling myself for this moment.  As to making the same mistakes, I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.  :)
  
  soloangel:  Many thanks for your very kind words.  You do point out an important facet to all this.  The trick is to get your heart to agree with your logic.  Indeed, the most difficult part, in my opinion. 
  
  Sandman:  I spoke to her at length today over the phone and hashed some things out.  I think I'm alright.  My six-hour bike ride consisted of I-90W, to I-294N all the way up to Wisconsin, to county K road, to sheridan road and followed lake Michigan all the way back down to the city.  Where in IL are you?  Go Bears.  Sorry we had to meet under such unpleasant circumstances.  Welcome, well met. 
  
  JL:  Ah...  It's alright there sis.  It's not like I can ask for the last seven years of my life back or anything.  In a lot of ways, I put many parts of my life on hold to be with her, and really, that's completely my fault.  She never asked me to do any of that.  I did that to myself.  It's time I get back to doing some of the things that I couldn't with her. 
  
  The worst part about this whole thing, something that I realized with horror as I rode my bike tonight, is that everywhere special that I like to go to....  My walking spot, my looking spot, my thinking spot, all these little parks by the beach hidden away in back corner streets will forever be tainted with memories of her.  She moves to a whole new environment where she re-invents herself, completely erases me from her life, and every street I drove on today, I've driven with her and I can tell you what conversations we had when we were on what road, what earrings she had on when we were at this park. 
  

• destinydiva said on Jul 08, 2007....

  I'm sorry grape......  
  
  its her loss.....  your a really top bloke :-) 
  
  ((((((((((((((hugforyou)))))))))))))))))
  
  Destiny x
  
  how cool!!!   your a tatoo artist!!!!!  :-)
  
  

• DesertMermaid said on Jul 08, 2007....

  Grape, how can you be so kind enough to hold your tongue when she did this to you.. I mean I cant ever see myself doing that. Maybe I'm volatile or not matured enough like you but I'd have never been so tolerant and composed..never.. I know this is not a good time for all this but I cant help saying that your strength and understanding amazes me Grape.

  As you say this is so sudden and the way this decision is being imposed on you is just not fair.I hate it.

  It reminds me of this guy who persued me in every way and when I did fall for him, I fell really hard. I gave him my everything so I know what you mean when you talk of putting your own life on hold. Actually I dont understand how can anyone hold back and yet be in love.Anyway later I found that the guy thought I was sexy,beautiful,funny and so on but not stable enough to be committed! That too when I let go of the whole world to be with him.Didnt quite know whether to laugh or cry.

  Before going I'd just like to give you a bear hug and say please do take care you sweet biker guy :)

• DogLips said on Jul 08, 2007....

  Grape, there is a little of K, a little of N, and a little of me in this post. Even though it was I who told K to pack and head home, I still felt the emptiness when I came home that night and saw all her stuff gone. Even though I thought I was making room for what I believed to be N's eventual arrival I still felt saddness for the life that K and I had built together and then I had gone and pulled apart.

  And now that N has told me she would rather stay with her fucked up husband (good couple maybe since it seems she 's fucked up to want to stay with him) I find myself sitting with nothing but a half empty apartment and the potential to rediscover myself and get myself in order. My first reaction after reading N's message was that I got what I deserved for being such an idiot. But then I began looking forward to seeing friends again and having time to focus on my hobbies and dreams. I am glad that you came to this conclusion too. You will find yourself on a new road soon. That road may seem mysterious and frightening and empty at first. But it can lead you to so many great adventures. Yes, eat that ice cream and deal with the loss. And then take charge and say, "Hell, I think I'll survive, thank you very much!" I'll be looking for your recovery posts.

• skald said on Jul 08, 2007....

  I am sorry to hear this and you have every right to be hurt and angry. 

• MsStar39 said on Jul 08, 2007....

  Grape I  to feel your pain, It hurts when the one that you planned on
  spending your life with decide to leave like that.
  
  For it to be this sudden means one thing and that is she has found
  someone else.You have so much going for you and I am sure she
  will regret her decision one day.
  
  Sit on the floor, eat your ice cream and have your pity party but don't
  let it last to long,because the real one that you are meant to be with is
   out there waiting for you.
  
  
  

• GrapeKoolaid said on Jul 08, 2007....

  ddiva:  An aspiring tattoo-artist.  I don't have my own gun or anything, but I have inked people before.  My bud has a tattooing gun and I've drawn all over him.  He's my canvas.  Thanks for your kind words.  I'd like to think it's her loss, too, but the loss on my side is substantial as well, I'm afraid. 
  
  DMermaid:  Certain things you say, you can never take back.  I guard myself so that I don't become the one that says things only to regret them.  I understand the lack of fairness in this situation, too.  She'll be here in about 14 hours and I don't know what we're going to do when she gets here.  It's not like we can hang out at our place, cuz her dad will be there and stuff.  So....  what?  I don't know.  This is going to be interesting.  I have to start cleaning soon.  I still haven't done that yet.  There's a part of me that says, 'screw cleaning up the place", but that's not fair to her, I guess.  For me to clean the place....  That's not fair, but it's the right thing to do.  Yet another layer in this grand lesson learned:  Fair and right don't always go hand in hand.  Thanks for that little tidbit. 
  
  DLips:  Dude I didn't know your situation turned out that way.  My deepest condolences to you.  I've been way too wrapped up in my own drama lately(as you can plainly see), and haven't been able to keep up with your posts.  My apologies.  Misery loves company, eh?  It appears that I am in fine company. 
  
  skald:  I am hurt and angry, but it's only temporary.  Seeing her later tonight may amplify it some more, but we'll see. 
  
  MsStar:  That possibility has entered my mind also, but honestly, it doesn't matter as to "why".  What's done is done.  Spilled milk(try saying that 10 times really fast).  Thanks for your words of encouragement. 
  

• quietone said on Jul 08, 2007....

  {{{{{{grape}}}}}} I am sorry to hear of your pain, and sadness.  I won't say loss...I think it will be your gain in the long run.  "this too shall pass".  A bike ride will always make one feel  better.

• lfbno7 said on Jul 08, 2007....

  sometimes when you are riding a new york city subway you hear a lot of stressful screeching of the wheels as they negotiate a sharp turn.  then you end up on a different straight line heading right where you need to go.
  
  hey.  fuck it.  there's lots of straight rode ahead.
  
  to miss phd.  see ya next life, babe.
  

• destinydiva said on Jul 08, 2007....

  mr 7 very interesting words :-)
  
  grape...I appreciate you loose too, but hey she looses more than you :-) and thats gotta be worth a smile???  :-)
  
  destiny x
  

• moonriver said on Jul 08, 2007....

  grape, dude, what can i say? tough luck. maybe you and your ex-lady could still be good friends. or even leave the door open for a come-back sequel ...lol.
  
  i suggest don't ride a bike when you're in that condition. i did, once, when an ex-gf broke up with me. it got me into a hospital with broken bones, with my yamaha 175 nearly totalled beneath a truck. sometimes a death wish creeps up on you when you least expect it... :-)
  
  in my case, long exhausting hikes and mountain climbing helped.
  
  

• secretlife said on Jul 08, 2007....

  grape:  i'm sorry to read this post.
  i'm one who believes that there's a reason for everything that happens in life; even if we can't always figure out what the reason is.
   

• fearing said on Jul 08, 2007....

  Grape, I started reading this earlier but I didn't finish it because it made me so sad for you.  I want to be able to say something to you that will make you feel better or give you some hope.  I just don't know what that is right now other than my heart truly hurts with yours.  I have only begun to get to know you and I already think you are such an amazing person.  I read the things you write and I'm always impressed.  Even in your most serious moments, you can make me smile.   Like the part where you said you'd be sitting on the floor eating the ice cream.  I laughed, NOT because of your pain - that's not funny.  But because even in your sadness, you saw a little humor. (Oh, I hope that was the way you meant that because if not, then I've just stuck my foot in my mouth.  Forgive me?)  Laughter through tears hon.  That's how I judge my own insanity.  I know if I can still do that, I'll be okay in the end.  
  I don't know where you stand in your beliefs.  I'd be honored if you'd let me pray for you? 
  
  Just know that you are a wonderful person.  It sounds like a cliche' but that woman didn't know what she had in you. 
  
  I also read what Ed and Polar said to you.  They made great points!  You do have a purpose, I don't know what it is but I know where to start.
  
  

• RollingC said on Jul 08, 2007....

  Grape.... I'm so sorry to hear that this is happening to you.  Don't do any cleaning and you should stay (if you can stomach it) when she comes with her father and introduce yourself as her intimate...     " friend ".... to him....don't even mention that you were really serious about her.  I don't know how much of the stuff there belongs to you but anything that you cherish should be put away in a safe place (just in case).
  Bottom line is you're going to be there so if you think it's best to disappear then go but I think she deserves to be shown up before her father as to who she is. 
  Granted he's not going to like it (I think) but people that keep a part of their life secret from their " loved ones " just gets on my nerves.
  {{{{ HUGS }}}}
  Rc
  

• MissMimi said on Jul 08, 2007....

  Damn, Grape, this really pisses me off on your behalf.  You're such a good, compassionate person, and it isn't fair that you're being treated this way.

  Having said that, we all know that the last thing life is, is fair.  Take some time and wallow in sadness and anger.  You deserve it.  But when you're ready, I think it's great that you'll look at it as a fresh start and an opportunity to grow.  I'm really sorry this happened.  {{{{{{{hug}}}}}}}

  FWIW, I'd be happy to come and punch her for you.   ;)

  Edited to add:  Rc had an outstanding idea.  Introduce yourself to daddy.

• PAPERBACKWRITER said on Jul 08, 2007....

  (((hugs)))
  
  Bro, this upsets me because I care about you.  But on the other hand I am glad you are writing about it and interacting.
  
  As Missmimi, I agree with the thoughts of RollingC:
  
  - clear up if you feel like it, but you shouldn´t
  - introduce yourself, it will be best for your self-image in the long run - if you can bear it. . .
  - it might be safer to keep your things where they are safe; it seems sad but you´ll be sadder if she indeed take your things. . .not because you lose stuff but it somehow will make you see her again differently...colour your memory badly
  
  All these points our friend RollingC stated would be a good closure, in my humble opinion.
  
  As dear Jade and other bloggers have said before me.  We will be here, to listen to your thoughts and eventually cheer with you when the time comes.  The pain will not go, but perhaps it can be eased even for a time.
  
  Warmest regards,
  
  paper ~
  
  
  
  

• lfbno7 said on Jul 08, 2007....

  destiny, thanks.
  
  secret, what you were saying is the same thing i was saying.  the painful moments in our lives, the turns we take that cause so much anxiety, lead to a new path that we are supposed to be on, that was prepared for us.  but we can't know that until after we've been down the new path long enough to know where it goes.
  
  grape i wish we could fast forward far enough so that we see the light at the end of the tunnel cause it sucks to enter the tunnel.  but it isn't a dead end.
  
  i have lots of faith that we all have the opportunity to go down a new path so we can have the pleasure of seeing that one get all fucked up too.
  

• pickersplock said on Jul 08, 2007....

  Well, I'd be pissed.  As my 10 year old would say, she is the lowest of the low.  Don't ask me where he got that particular expression.  It's wrong to string someone else along like that.  Ooh, let's do this and this and this...oops sorry, I'm leaving.  It's like that scene in When Harry Met Sally, where Harry didn't know his wife was leaving until the movers showed up and Bruno Kirby says, "The moving guy knew before you?!"  You have my deepest sympathy, have some Ben and Jerry's on me!

• lfbno7 said on Jul 08, 2007....

  Don't be angry.  Don't be sad.  Don't be crying over the good times you had.  There's a girl right next to you and she's waiting for something to do.  So if you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with.

• D6fer said on Jul 08, 2007....

  reminds me of a friend I once had who worked his ass of to put his wife through nursing school....once she got her degree and was an RN....she dumped him for a male nurse.....that is just cold......sorry for your loss.....but I don't know how you could let her leave without making it a lot less confortable for her.....I would have told her "nope! sorry babe....I'm not making myself scarce at all.....here let me help you get your shit out to the street....this window will work nicely!"

• LadyGamer said on Jul 08, 2007....

  Oh Purply One~
  Um...call it the evil chick in me, but WHY would you abandon where you live for someone who did not even have the decency to be honest with herself, her father or you?
  So her father never knew of you? That is HER betrayal not yours. Why would you let her get off so easy in that lie? I don't understand why she gets to get off scot free.
  This is why most women piss me off. I'm so mad for you right now. I have steam, STEAM, coming from my ears! I just want to hug you close and pet your grapey head.
  You should stand what little ground she hasn't ripped away from you, sweetie. Let her be uncomfortable. Let her explain why that GUY is in her apartment. You deserve some face to face explanations, even with dear old dad around.

• GrapeKoolaid said on Jul 08, 2007....

  Ah....  I've been running around in 90 degree weather with no AC sweating my butt off cleaning this place up.   I have to make myself scarce in a little bit.  I just wanted all you guys and gals to know that I have stopped in here from time to time during my cleaning to draw strength from your kind words of support.  She'll be here in a couple of hours, and we're supposed to see each other.  I don't think I'll be able to give you guys an update until this whole fiasco's over and done with, possibly in about 24 hours from now.  Thank you everyone and wish me strength and courage through this difficult time. 
  
  As to her dad, I'm not really interested in seeing him at all.  He's a bigotted, racist redneck, so I have no time for him.  This was partially the reason why our relationship was hidden from him.  I don't want to cause her any more grief right now.  I've got enough for a town full of people. 
  
  Please keep me in your thoughts this evening.  I need it more now than ever before.....
  
  A Million little thanks from my heart, as it is in a million little pieces. 
  

• Sandman said on Jul 08, 2007....

  Hello again Grape . I'm a trucker and i was in South

  Beloit , IL. at the time right by the Wi. border .  Now

  i'm near St. Louis and will shortly be in Mo.  As u

  see you have lots of friendly support here at S/C .

  Good luck tonight !           SAND

• sweetlady said on Jul 08, 2007....

  Hi Grape I am sorry to hear you have bad news.  I have my own inner thoughts at the moment.  Pondering about leaving my own partner for various reasons.  If you read my post you will see.  I just went through the replies and I dont recall reading one from you.  Apologies if you did add a comment.  I know you will be supported by your friends on here.  It takes time to get over someone.  I cannot believe that her dad doesnt know you even exist that is really wierd.

• DogLips said on Jul 08, 2007....

  Morning Grape! It's morning here now anyway. We never talked much before but I am starting to like you and that was even before I read this post. I appreciate the compliment and sympathies. I guess the thing is to see that this unheaval in your life is actually God's (Fate's? Life's?) way of clearing space for the next adventure. Something better may well be up and coming for you when you least expect it. Look at evil_twin. He went through a tragic relationship and now he has Natalie. Good luck to you, man.

• PassionTraveler said on Jul 08, 2007....

  Grape,
  
  I'm in an odd situation reading your post. I've been where your lady is now. The dumper. I packed a u-haul after 11.5 years of marriage, and drove west. I'm also one of those people who is incredibly sensitive to the plight of others.
  
  I'm not sure if she is just a bitch who's consumed you like a food product, and is now discarding you, or if you have been woefully neglectful and naive about the problems stewing, by your own admission, over the past few years. But I suspect the truth lies somewhere in between. It always does.
  
  For what it's worth, as the dumper, it was painful for me as well, and a huge risk to part with him. I know he felt the pain of my leaving intensely and that did not go unrealized by me. Although short of returning, I'm not sure what I could have done to ease the pain of it all for him, or for myself.
  
  His culpability in the dissolution of our marriage was in not recognizing and even ignoring that I needed him. I needed his affection, his attention, and his open-minded closed-mouth ear to hear me. Instead, I got overtures of physical expression swatted away like a fly over potato salad at a Fourth of July picnic, and constant negative reactions for attempts to improve our life together and our emotional and physical relationship as if my suggestions were silly and meaningless.
  
  My culpability was that maybe I didn't try hard enough. But also, in the absence of attention from my own partner, I was noticed by others and it gave me some sense of entitlement to acknowledge them, and opened doors that should not have been opened. I will do a lot of things differently next time. And attentions from other men won't be part of the equation. At least they won't be acknowledged.
  
  So, grieve right now. It's a necessary evil, but when you can lift your head from hiding beneath your bed covers, consider what may have gone wrong on your side. Don't excuse her own behavior, but neither should you excuse yours, but neither also should you let it sour you or make you bitter. That serves no one. However, by doing this evaluation process -- when you are strong enough -- you will discover how to prevent something like this from happening again in the future.
  
  I've spent countless hours toiling over my own shortcomings in my marriage and there are some things I most certainly will do differently now. And I suspect when I am in another committed relationship, I will be the better partner for it.
  
  And yes, there are some events that happen in our lives that permanently alter it, and alter who we are at the core. But let it change you for the better in the end. However, all this right now, will be falling on deaf ears (eyes) until you've had time to properly grieve and it's okay to be the victim in this for a bit.
  
  But when you start moving forward again, I invite you to dust off these posts and reread them with an eye to discovering what good you can pull from these ashes.
  
  Sincerely and with all my prayers and blessings, and total empathy,
  PT

• silverwhisper said on Jul 09, 2007....

  holy fuck, grape.
  
  i'm sorry that this happened. i can't imagine what you're going through--i guess i've been lucky that way--but once again...damn!
  
  you have the right perspective and the wisdom to understand everything that this means, and you communicated it very well, so for that i suppose i'm glad, but...
  
  damn!
  
  ed

• Holly-Go-Lightly said on Jul 09, 2007....

  oh, my sweet biker friend,

  I'm so sorry that someone as beautiful as you on the inside

  (haven't seen the outside  LOL) is feeling such pain right now.

  you know, you've always seemed so sensitive to me, and

  that is not only your good heart, but because you are an

  artist.  all people who create seem to see more, to feel more,

  maybe even to understand more than others who seem to be

  happy to walk the world with blinders. i am an artist, i know

  of which i speak.

  I think one thing worth thinking about is, among all the other

  things, the fact that she never told her father is so telling about

  the relationship. She's a grown woman, now with a PHd and

  she can't tell her father about her LT relationship?? To me,

  dear Grape, that sounds as if she hadn't truly accepted it

  for what it was, or that she didn't intend some sort of permanency

  in the relationship. I don't know how that makes you feel, but to

  me, it shows that she  may have been  playing your heartstrings

  for quite sometime.  (which to me, only knowing you through

  words of course, feels callous and cold, while you seem so

  warm and giving and funny!)  It will take time, but I say F the

  cleaning--who cares what anyone thinks now??? Wait until

  she's emptied her crap out of your life, THEN to begin your

  new beginning, sweep the dust of the old away, the cobwebs,

  that musty smell. Open the windows, get some fresh air, because

  now it's YOUR life, and I know that while your heart is aching

  now, with each day, it will heal a little, a little more and more

  until one day you can say, yes that experience sucked! my

  heart was wounded, however, i am alive, my heart still beats

  and maybe through all of this, I was meant to find my  true love!

  You know, the human spirit is amazing~it can work miracles

  that no medicine, nor no scientific fact could do. And I know

  your human spirit is strong and vital, and beautiful, and you

  will be OK.

  For right now, please know that I'm a good listener if you need

  one, or since you were one of my prime investigators on the

  boob blog, i have a very large, soft and snuggly pair of

  "pillows" where you may rest your head!!    :) (did that  make you

  laugh??)

  { { { { { { { { { { { { { { { {BIG HUGS} } } } } } } } } } } } } } } }

  let us know how you're doing

  ~*~*~Holly~*~*~

• Alyss said on Jul 09, 2007....

  Damn but that's sad. =(
  
  It's been said eloquently by those before me so I'll just offer a simple {hug}.
  

• GrapeKoolaid said on Jul 09, 2007....

  Such an outpour of support.  What can I say but that I am humbled?  I am fortunate to be in such good company.  I posted a follow up here.  I'll get with you guys individually in a minute.  Thank you so much everyone. 
  

• GrapeKoolaid said on Jul 09, 2007....

  Going backwards:
  
  Alyss:  Innit sad?  I'm doing alright today, though.  Thanks for the hugs.  :)
  
  Holly:  Thanks you for your kind thought of me.  She has her own reasons and issues for not mentioning me to her father and it reflects something about me to have let it go for seven years, too.  Don't you think?  It's certainly not a flattering image.  She sees it, too and it was one of many things we discussed yesterday.  Thank you again for your warmth, your care and concern, which can be seen plainly by your words. 
  
  ed:  the thing is ed, everything's up in the air now.  It's like trying to get your bearings in zero-G.  I just have to remember that the enemy gate is down.  :)
  
  PT:  Just like I don't fault her in any way for what she's doing, I wouldn't fault you in your situation, either.  There's nothing wrong with looking out for your best interest.  I'm sure many months of painful consideration went prior to your departure.  My lady did the same.  We talked it out yesterday.  I'm going to be ok, she's going to be ok.  Thanks you for your thoughts. 
  
  DL:  I know dude.  After reading some of your posts, even though the situations are so different, I was struck by how similar the hurt was between you and I.  From reading your post in my current life situation, I felt an immediate kinship and sympathies with you.  We'll be cool.  Perhaps you and I will meet half way and go out cruising for chicks.  When we're ready for that sorta thing, that is.  :)
  
  sweetlady:  The suggestion I have for you is to do what is right for you.  Even if it means hurting someone.  Even though I was the less favorable recipient of the exchange, I still respect her decisions because you can't argue with what's right for you.  You can argue about what is or isn't right for you, but once that's been made clear, there's nothing else. 
  
  Sandman:  I know exactly where that is!.  I used to live in Waukegan, IL., which is pretty close to the IL/WI border.  :)  Thanks and yes, there are lots of great people here. 
  
  LadyG:  [smiles]  Relationship between her & her dad....meh.  Don't care(especially now).  Not my deal, you know?  Maybe she'll consider me the "fast one" she pulled over her old man.  I used to joke to my friends about how my sticking it to the daughter of a redneck racist biker(potential clansman) unbeknownst to him is my revenge at the "Whitey", and a political statement, though "The Man" has never done me wrong, so I guess it would be a pre-emptive sticking.  :D
  
  D6fer:  Oh I've seen those kinds of fights before.  Happened to an old roommate of mine.  He was living with this girl and one day, she threw him out.  All his crap, too.  On the front lawn.  It's funny to think about.  If I was super-bitter and petty, I would definitely have done something sinister.  Diabolical, in fact.  I'm trying to change my ways, though.  Ugly begets ugly.  It's just not worth it.  Oh and I hope your buddy made it through his situation okay.  Otherwise, I'd be quite discouraged. 
  
  No7:  I like CSN & sometimes Y, too.    :)
  
  pickers:  I'm waay ahead of ya there.  Got my ice cream(Ben & Jerry's Mint Chocolate cookie), and I'm alright.  Thanks for your kind thoughts.  :)
  
  No7:  I know about the light at the end of the tunnel.  I heard such a thing exists.  Old wives tale, if you ask me.  There's just an unending set of detours.  I'm so lost.....
  
  PBW:  Ghost in the machine re-surfaces!  :)  This time she comes in the form of a comforting angel, beaming with lights of care, love and new life.  And she brings me a council of counsel to console.  :)  I know you don't post often, but I am glad to know you're out there, thinking so well of me.  I think well of you also.  Very well indeed.  Thank you for being here. 
  
  MissMimi:  Thank you for your kind words.  Thank you for thinking so well of me.  You are a kind soul.  I appreciate you being here for me in my most difficult time.  The thought of you and my lady involved in a tussle is an appealing one for many reasons(especially when considering the additional ingredients we could throw into the mix, like bats, chains, mud, oil, jello....  I'll stop now) but I don't want to see her hurt any more than I want to see myself hurt.  I'll be alright. Thanks again. 
  
  RC:  Please don't think ill of her.  She has her own pains and issues just like everyone else.  She's my little rose.  She's very delicate and fragile, but she thinks she's tough because she has these thorns to protect herself with.  I may have painted her in an unflattering light in my anger, but she's not a horrible person.  I wouldn't be in love with a monster, you see.  She treated me better than anyone's ever treated me.  Better than I deserved to be treated, in fact.  Now she's going to go find her place in the world and I have to also.  It's going to take a bit of re-structuring due to my recent shift in personnel, but because this is such a huge renovation project, I am kind of excited about the prospects of it. 
  
  fearing:  You have already done more than you realize just by leaving a comment on here.  Plus, your words reveal you to be a very caring and what was it that I said before....  Ah yes.  Very wholesome.  Sometimes the only thing I can do is laugh at the absurdity of it all.  Laughing at the pain is the path of least resistance for me.  The honor would be entirely mine if you'd pray for me.  I could use it.  I will include you in my thoughts as well.  You're a very nice lady.  Thank you. 
  
  SL:  I'm beginning to think that this happened to kick my creative a**.  I drew like a crazy man yesterday.  I'm going to draw some more later today, too.  I'm gonna pull my guitar out, I'm gonna sing at the top of my lungs(I'm a pretty good singer, you know...  At my last job, I floored everyone at karaoke one night), gonna write some more.  Sublimate, sublimate, sublimate.  My mantra for the week. 
  
  moonie:  Odd thing is, I don't have an ex-gf that I stayed in contact with.  Not a single one.  Will she be different?  Anything's possible.  Thanks for the cautionary tale.  The circumstances are different but the feelings involved get pretty similar, huh?  Something I noticed in looking at all these caring comments.  It's because you've all been there in one way or another.  Heartbreak sucks, and the only cure is just to get over it.  I'm a pretty careful rider moonie.  It's because I get scared too easily.  Thanks for your concern, though.
  
  Ddiva:  I'm feeling much better today, thanks.  :)
  
  No7:  The future's uncertain and the end is always near. 
  
  quiet:  Thank you for "speaking out" in support.  :D 
  
  The path to recovery is indeed a long and arduous one, but it is one made much easier with fellow travelers like you crew.  I would like to give a hug to each and every one of you for your encouragement, support, willingness to share the burden, and so on.  Each and every one of you are restoring my faith in humanity individually.  If any of you were seeking unending gratitude from another human being as, check that off the list of things to acquire, for you have mine from now on. 
  
  
  

• moonriver said on Jul 09, 2007....

  hey grape dude, see what i told you? i still suggest to leave the door open for a come-back sequel man. i know zilch about the brass-tacks issues that's tearing you two apart, but if there's no third party involved (as i assume, aside from the redneck dad), sometimes it's less painful to tackle them one at a time. easy does it.
  
  but yes, some distance helps in giving the right perspective -- this is true in love as well as in drawing. oh and btw, do you happen to have an extra staedtler 8b in your pencil kit? i just wore down mine to a stub, doing a portrait right now too, of a sorely-missed loved one ... ;-)
  
  you'll be ok man. you're a terribly cool guy, and if she doesn't give enough value to that, then another girl will.
  
  

• GrapeKoolaid said on Jul 09, 2007....

  moonie:  :)  I feel much better about this whole thing today than I did yesterday.  Thanks.  I'll look for the 8b.  I'm pretty sure I have a brand-new one, because I rarely go darker or softer than 4b.  If I find it, I'll PM you for your addy and mail it to ya.  Hopefully it won't get crushed into little pieces during transit.  Thanks again.  

• DogLips said on Jul 09, 2007....

  That (cruising for chicks together) would be fun. When we're ready.

• GrapeKoolaid said on Jul 09, 2007....

  DL:  You're on.  Halfway between Japan & Illinois is....  Let's say Hawaii?  Hawaiian chicks are hot.  Better learn to hula now to save you some time.  :)
  
  Gotta run to my buddy's for a bit, but I'll see you later homie. 
  

• D6fer said on Jul 10, 2007....

  uh...well...not exactly.....he was found dead out in the desert near Vegas....quite a few years later....he just never recovered....got in with the wrong crowd...etc

• uniquely-ironic said on Jul 10, 2007....

  that is really rough, sorry.

• GrapeKoolaid said on Jul 10, 2007....

  D6:  Hmm.  That's too bad.  My condolences....
  
  uni:  I'm hangin in there.  Thanks. 
  

• wombat said on Jul 10, 2007....

  GrapeKoolaid:  Eldora says, cover your noggin...and have an apple.

• moonriver said on Jul 10, 2007....

  hey grape dude, thanks for the offer, but the idiot in me finally realized that shipping costs alone would enable me to buy myself a boxful of 8b's...lol. so guess what, lazy me finally made an earth-shaking decision to lift my butt up and go buy a boxful of 8b's in my favorite art supply shop. plus another boxful of 4b's for you -- you might be needing lots of it for the rest of the summer, as a good substitute for caressing what, 36c's? LOL...:-)
  
  

• lidstrom82 said on Jul 10, 2007....

  Hey man, I'm sorry to hear about  that. With the fact of sharing an apt and having a long-term relationship, it seemed that things were secure, but you really can't tell until knowing how the other person truly feels. I'm sorry you found out this way.
  
  But totally, this is a good time to transition in your life. If you weren't in her plans, it does hurt, but you don't want to be close to someone who doesn't feel the same for you. Take time to pursue your dreams, and achieve things you maybe couldn't because of the relationship.
  
  I would encourage you to pray. Just ask God for strength to get through the tough days ahead. Ask for guidance. Doesn't matter whether you think God is a big tough dude or Alanis Morrisette - He will help you. I'd also encourage you to refrain from getting into a new relationship for awhile so that you give yourself time to heal. As well, in future relationships, try to avoid moving in together, because as this situation showed, sometimes living together suggests a commitment and closeness that really isn't there. To be that close to someone and not know their intentions until the cold truth hits...it's tougher to take when there's so much more intimacy in living together.
  
  Protect your heart, but don't let it grow bitter toward her, or anyone. Forgive her and keep checking to make sure you aren't holding resentment for her. You can't control what she did, but you can decide how to grow from this and become a stronger person with a tender heart and an undamaged spirit that will greatly bless the woman you'll marry someday.
  

• frontanack said on Jul 12, 2007....

  wow, Grapes.  It has taken time to wade through it all.  and I have yet to read the other post (got it up on a different page here. )  Seven years.  Yeah that is a pretty good amount of time...   hmmmm.  guess the reason we try to understand the mistakes is so, we can do it better, since we are going to have to go around again anyways, eh?

  My first impulse was to give an invite. lol... then, as I am reading on and on andon... I thought hmmm. maybe grape koolaid is goonna be grape wine now. . .

  I guess there is  feeling that levity can help.  I really appreciate and respect your desire to ward off the hostile feelings and negative crap that goes around in a situation.. .. and, from experience.  I think I can say, that- doing that is worth it in the end.  even before the end: you can feel better for not having given in to the hurt and anger and pain. . . not in verbalizing it you know, . .   luck too you.  off to read the other blog now. : P    ///    : ).

• gingersoul said on Jul 31, 2007....

  Grape.....i read this post only today...you know, i have been missing for 3 weeks andi am trying to catch up as much as i can...

  I left you while we were kidding about you going to a ride with your bike and me asking you to come to pick me up...

  And now....this.

  I know that now with almost one month behind that horrible day you might have sort out your tears and your regrets from the good things and the good memories.

  I am sorry for you.....you always struck me as a cool guy, well centered and extremely kind and funny....Hope this story will not change your approach to life....

  I wish you to heal your love wounds as soon as possible...i know how hurts to be left behind and not having a clue of what was going on...{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}

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