So yesterday was the fourth of July. Seemed fairly uneventful. AJ gave me a call and told me his car broke down and he was going to the river and needed my car. what does he need my car now????? The river is like a block away from my work and he walked past the river to get here. He could have waited to drop them off after I got off which was about 45 minutes later. So I had called him earlier and told him that we were going to my cousins house for a BBQ. And he came here telling me about plans he had already made AFTER I had told him what we were doing. So we get to my cousins house and it was fun. Food. Lots of it. Little kids, music, pictures, family. I really think that 3 of my cousins were on meth or something. They were talking about how they had been up all night and at 7:30 they were drinking coffee. Oh well. AJ and I went to a hill to watch the fireworks at Rancho San Rafiel park. We got into an argument about the music I had turned on. AJ stated, "there are kids next to us" Big whoop. It wasnt loud and there were not bad words playing. So whatever. Then he said something to be about how I got onto the hood of my car. MY car mind you. I can do what ever i want to it. I paid the damn money for it. Then he was pressuring me to leave early and I was trapped in and ruining peoples times because I was trying to get out and driving in a circle. Damn. So he says he wants a milkshake. We go to mels diner and that is another bogus thing. I say something about how his mom never called me back and it made me angry because I did nothing wrong to her and I think she is mad at me for some reason. He tells me to shut up. WHAT? I excuse myself to go to the ladies room. I said this while he is talking. The rest of the evening is cold with aggravation between us. Oh well. I was thinking as i cried myself to sleep about how he had opened this door he should not have. I turned to his mother as a role model and looked to her for guidance. I should have known better. I dont have any parents. He does. She turned me away and i feel left out. Why? I have not a clue. But then I realize that I should not look to her as a role model. I tried to be civil to this lady, my "mother in law". I have made her son happy and have done so much for him. She is ungreatful. I guess
Comments
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AnaMay said on Jul 05, 2007....
amylee: She's never liked you. You know this. You've stated it. It hurts to say, but we BOTH know this. YOU could part the red sea for her AND her entire family and it wouldn't be "enough". Accept it.
Accept it and know that you're MORE than enough. Really. You've given this man(boy, really) every part of you down to the key that unlocks who you are.... and what does he do? spit in your face, and temporarily forget that he's not worth your time as he brings down who you are as a person then starts to say SORRY....WHAT THE FUCKING SHIT?!
I don't mean to be harsh but think about it. He busts your balls like you're a piece of shit. You've stated this to me, you did so yesterday. What's changed? Now you're AWARE of it but still there. He's not going to change. I'm not trying to be mean so i hope you don't take it that way. I care about you. i REALLY CARE ABOUT YOU but i'm annoyed at the fact that now you KNOW and still do NOTHING. TALKING only gets this man so far. You'll get mad about him borrowing your car and still let him do it. Get mad at the way he speaks to you. Get mad at the way he nit picks at you. At the way he controls the things that are yours. At the way he doesn't do shit ever....ever.... 1 out of 50 isn't enough. It shouldn't be. You also get mad t the way he takes back everything he says through his actions.
So do you though, everything you say is null&void because with this man your words aren't enough. He doesn't believe you'll leave him. c'mon. if he thought you would, shouldn't he be afraid?
Why would he though. he's got no reason to be afraid...He's got you into a corner. In every way.
. Don't cry yourself to sleep. Why should you? Because of what he's doing to you? Because he tells you to SHUT UP?....IN PUBLIC?! If you're crying it should be because you're aware of the things happening, but you still let yourself go through it. You'll probably be mad at me by now. The last time i said something this strong about your relationship we didn't talk for a month. Everything i'm saying is only a reminder of the things YOU'VE already told me.
Don't forget who you are Amy. You don't know your own worth. You don't. You know he treats you like a significant other man that was in your life. You've even told me he reminds you of him. Ask youself why....Any why that you can think of. Ask yourself. I hate how he's so cool when i'm around. I'm sure He doesn't want me to think of him in the same light you see him, because then you might actually be right.... That in truth he really is all of the above... Please take this with a grain of salt.... In my life you've told me when/if shit's not working out for me. I just want you to see yourself with as much worth as i see you. You're too smart, WAY too pretty, too funny, outgoing, ridiculously uplifting and caring to be selling yourself short for the comfort of being with someone familiar.
Your grandma loves you, why not turn to her? She might not say the things you want to hear, but you KNOW she really cares.
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amyleeizmee said on Jul 06, 2007....
Oh afra, you are so sweet. I cannot be angry with what you say because I know your telling me the truth and that is a true friend. I feel stuck and it sucks. I feel like I care for him a lot but I know I am being dumb about the situation. Thanks for making me feel better. I love you! -
AnaMay said on Jul 07, 2007....
I'm glad it went over well. lol
Comment on "Last night.. she said... oh baby i feel so down.."
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