I am struggling to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. I am lonely and frightened often. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning myself. 

I often post whatever I want, say whatever I want, do whatever I want.

 For those who know me, know the price I have paid is high. The higher the stakes anyways the higher the prize. But most times I do not care about the prize.

In my country of birth I built a career for twelve years. Five of those at the highest level in one company. Then I just didn’t like the new MD, so I quit. That MD soon left that company, now one of my subordinates does my job and the new MD should have been me.

After this I joined another company as second in command and just chilled out knowing that MD wanted me out. I just didn’t care.

My wife worked for one of the biggest crooks in the world with connections to one of the most vicious terror groups in Asia. I just sat and watched it happen, finally her actions led to us having to leave my country of birth. Her boss was her hero, it ended up in such a disaster. Yes we fought about it, but I really could have stopped her if I wanted to.

I have to either explain my actions to craziness or just simply the fact that I always swim against the tide.

The hopelessness is suddenly overwhelming, and now I am faced with an opportunity that I could actually act upon on, but I just can’t bring my mind to it.

The valium, codeine, piriton, actitifed…now share the privilege of owning me.

There is no inspiration.

I do hope death comes soon, as painless as my numbed mind.