This is perhaps a long-overdue post, but I always hesitate to bring up the subject at hand. Here, I'll do so with a note: I do not consider myself superior in any way to anyone else on SC or elsewhere, and I'd ask that comments be flame-free. Believe me, I already know how it sounds, though I sorely wish it was easier to convey what I want to say.
That said, I'll start with what prompted this post. I was already thinking about the topic, thanks to another post, and then I stumbled across this article, which made me incredibly sad. (Short version: A two-year-old girl was found to have a genius-level IQ and was invited to join Mensa.)
Why, oh why did that number have to be 152? Just a point higher or lower and I might not have been slapped with this parallel.
My IQ was also found to be 152 on the same test (at four years old, IIRC).
You'd never know it by talking to me or reading my posts (I hope). I neither speak nor write like a "genius," whatever the hell that's supposed to mean anyway.
My heart goes out to that little girl. I have very strong negative feelings about early testing along these lines.
Why?
When will she ever be regarded as a delightful child instead of a pint-sized brainiac, or seen for her playfulness or pretty hair or anything but her mind?
It's bad enough in some ways to be so different - without having it underlined by labels and various "opportunities" thrown your way - opportunities that, if grasped, further draw the lines between you and everyone you so desperately want to get along with, fit in with. The principle of my elementary school frequently (or so it seemed to me - I always dreaded seeing him at the classroom door) pulled me out of class, it was often to ask if I'd take this or that test, and didn't I want to be skipped ahead a year or two?
I used to beg my mom to tell him that she wouldn't allow me to skip grades, because I couldn't figure out a solid argument other than that I was afraid of being further isolated.
(Eventually, the principal gave up, though he insisted on teaching me photography in the afternoons and during school breaks, to give my mind something else to do. I loved those lessons, and that he was willing to teach me however quickly I could soak up what he had to offer. He turned me on to photographing historical architecture, and I was developing my own black-and-white prints in a darkroom by age 7 or so. I still adore photography.)
It's hard to figure out how to deal with comments from adults along these lines: "Do you talk down to everyone, or just me?" and "You don't act/talk like a kid - what's wrong with you?" when you don't really know how else to speak or act. And I was absolutely terrified of becoming like one of my other family members, whose IQ was 170ish, who never laughed or made silly jokes and whose "street smarts" could be best-defined as sorely lacking. What good was a brilliant mind if you couldn't have fun?
It was hard to have fun - I was driven to point out inaccuracies and what I saw as mistakes in everything, and I still sometimes have a lot of trouble stifling the anal Type A personality that apparently grew alongside the rest of me. I wasn't interested in a lot of the activities my peers found entertaining, and they often wrote me off as arrogant (in the same breath as teasing me for being the nerdy sort, of course).
Eventually, it occurred to me that perhaps I could fabricate normalcy to a certain degree. I practiced not caring about every detail, and actually cultivated my speech/vocabulary to more closely match that of the people around me. I'm not saying I dumbed down anything - not at all - but that I paid close attention and learned how to relate to others better than I had in the past. It became a hobby of sorts - to blend in, to improve my "people smarts" above all else, because my skills there were badly lacking.
This is who I am now. I cannot change the numbers, but I can change the depth to which I relate to others, and hopefully I've made some progress there. Sometimes I still feel outside of time, or like a bumbling bull in a china shop. Sarcasm often escapes me because I take things too literally, and I have trouble making jokes - though my sense of humor is well developed (if twisted and weird, but I think that's a requirement for loving Monty Python and the like anyway).
Does it show? Am I as poor a human specimen as it seems sometimes? I desperately fear coming across as arrogant, because that's not who I am and certainly not who I strive to be. I'm the down-to-earth, frumpy mom and housewife you all know, I swear, not some closet Einstein. There's nothing genius about me, and I don't want any part of it.
Hopefully that little girl mentioned in the article will lead a fairly normal life, despite being pigeon-holed into a tiny group at the top of some theoretical ladder. I ache for her.
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the_infernal_optimist posted on Jun 25, 2007
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Comments
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Artemis223 said on Jun 25, 2007....
Infernal -There is nothing wrong with being intelligent. It's feeling superior that gets people in trouble.I find that I am book smart, but seriously lack common sense. I often take things too literally, and I love Monty Python.I feel bad that this girl will be subject to labels, and that you have suffered the same constraints. Let no one else define you and just be who you are! -
the_infernal_optimist said on Jun 25, 2007....
I agree, Artemis - but I think people ought to be shown the flip side as well. ;-) I don't think I'm insecure (though maybe we all are, in our own ways), and I'm usually pretty comfortable with who I am...but at the same time, I hate the thought of offending anyone with something I really can't change, you know?
~Infernal
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Artemis223 said on Jun 25, 2007....
I can't imagine why anyone would be offended by it, Infernal. Sometimes, when we take offense, it speaks of our own securities. I find that is often the case where I am concerned. When something piques me, it is usually a function of something deeper bothering me about myself.I can definitely identify with what you wrote - a lot of times, I find myself shying away from telling people what I actually do for a living - the label comes with all sorts of preconceived notions. I know how damned naive I can be, and it is embarrassing, more so when people find out how much education I have. You have definitely hit a chord with me, here - I hope that little girl won't be limited by anyone else's expectations. -
the_infernal_optimist said on Jun 26, 2007....
You make a good point above. We do tend to project our insecurities outward and sometimes it's not pretty when one is reflected back (or when we perceive it so).
~Infernal
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MissMimi said on Jun 26, 2007....
Infernal, I think you explained it beautifully in your post. I have never ever thought you were talking down to anyone. It must have been so difficult for you as a child, wanting to relate to your peers and not sure how to do it, and adults further isolating you by treating you differently.I also found your post about thinking in colors fascinating. You made me want to ask you all sorts of questions. My mind went immediately to quilting and how to represent emotions and love with color. Maybe that sounds weird, but I was very intrigued. -
silverwhisper said on Jun 26, 2007....
infernal, i think that your efforts to fit in more closely are a better indication of intelligence than most you're likely to find, to be perfectly honest. :>
heh...you have a higher IQ than me. :>
ed -
the_infernal_optimist said on Jun 26, 2007....
Oooh, Mimi! A quilt that "said" love (in my case, it'd be a gorgeous blue and gold) would be so neat! That's not weird, at least not to me. Feel free to ask any questions anytime! :)
Ed: Nobody'd ever guess that, believe me. :) (And I'm politely refraining from making bad "steak" jokes in mom's TPed post... :-D)
~Infernal
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sweet_cookie01 said on Jun 26, 2007....
being intelligent is a gift that you should be proud of not feel ashamed of .....
i would give up my leg to have an I.Q like yours!!!!
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missb said on Jun 26, 2007....
Wheeewww..... my IQ was just 125 when i was 4 years old :(
Anyway, i agree with ed. Your efforts to fit it speak louder than just IQ number. I think you probably have even higher EQ. In reality, EQ is much more important than IQ anyway.
Cheers!
B
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nytquill17 said on Jun 27, 2007....
Yet another eerie similarity. Though I can't offer you any concrete IQ results. I was in "gifted" programs all through school, would have been promoted out of kindergarten except that I was physically so small, did end up skipping 5th grade...
I didn't want to skip, either. And I think, evaluating the whole experience, it WAS a bad idea. But my parents insisted it was good for me and they point to the direction my life has taken since then saying that I never would have had any of that if I hadn't skipped. And I guess it's true, I wouldn't undo it at this point. But I had a miserable time of it and I wish they had listened to me and my concerns (let's just say, and you know what I'm like in person so you'll know how unlike me this is, that one of the consequences of skipping a grade was that I ended up stabbing someone with my pencil!)
To be myself and indulge my interests, I ended up being isolated from other kids physically and socially. To be a "normal" kid, I had to cover up a part of myself. And whichever path I chose, there was always someone to tell me it was the wrong choice. I remember hiding my grades on tests and papers all through high school, not because they were bad, but because they were good and I didn't want to "put off" anyone around me.
But as for you, my cherished Infernal...I have never known you to act superior or talk down to anyone, ever. You have always seemed to me to be the one person I knew most comfortable in their own skin - but I know that how we act and how we feel don't always line up. You are not in any way a "poor human specimen!" But I can understand all too well why you might feel that way. There is still a part of you (and of me) that's suffering for not having been taken as a whole person and guided to develop on all sides equally.
You are certainly not the negative elitist stereotype. But you are brilliant, and creative, and beautiful, and resourceful. Anyone who chooses to see you for anything less than what you are, for any one part of you, is as others have said showing you his/her own insecurities more than an accurate reflection of yourself. :)
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the_infernal_optimist said on Jun 27, 2007....
Nyt: It's true that our experiences served, if nothing else, to bring us to where we are today, although it might've been nice to find an alternate path with the same destination. I don't believe such things exist.
I'm not surprised to hear that our experiences were similar in yet another way. I'm sorry you knew that particular pain, even if it did help to make you the nyt I respect and hold quite near and dear to my heart today.
I really am usually quite comfortable and content to be who I am...but the thought of causing pain or harm to someone because of who I am is always at the back of my mind. I wrestle a lot with "you must never cause harm" (and I know I don't/can't live up to that) vs. my need for openness and honesty.
And quit making me blush. :-D
Missb: EQ is far more important, IMO, though I wouldn't rush to say mine's high...it'd be interesting to have a solid test for that.
Sweet: There are plenty of other things about you that put you well ahead of the game, trust me. :)
~Infernal