I was asked to go to the room to give a co-worker lunch. But when I got there, she refused. The patient, a preemie, was not doing well and she did not want to leave. The baby was scheduled for a bowel resection because it was frozen but deteriorated quickly.
I spent 2 hours in that room trying to help as best as I could: getting more sponges, instruments, suture and etc... as needed. The two OR nurses in the room were writing down vitals according to hospital protocol when there is a cardiac arrest on the table. I assumed their role as circulating nurse as no one else was available.
A cardiac arrest at 1 month old....
I couldn't believe it.
I knew it was bad when the doctor pulled back the drape and started doing chest compressions by hand while still in his gown and gloves from surgery. Multiple anesthesiologists, pediatric intensive care nurses, nurse anesthetists, and other personnel all worked to give this baby a chance. I ran and grabbed the crash cart. Every few seconds a buzzer or bell would alarm. They were pumping his i.v. with stuff I've never seen used before: sodium bicarbonate to increase the heart contractions, epinephrine to force the blood back to the heart, etc...But at 16:48 the time of death was called.
The surgeons walked out of the room. All the buzzers and bells had silenced. And it was me and two other co-workers who cleaned him up so his parents could see him one last time. We washed his body and face, put a new diaper on him and swaddled him in a baby blanket. He looked like he was just sleeping. This time I couldn't help it. I cried right then and there in the operating room. So did my co-workers.
This was the first time a patient died on me.
I'm not doing so good tonight.
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ninibud92 posted on Jun 22, 2007
| views: 175
Comments
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nytquill17 said on Jun 22, 2007....
Oh, nini...
Any death is sad and somewhat traumatic. Seeing it happen it is more so. Being involved with the person at the moment it happens, even more so. And the death of a baby...oh my.
You can't put any numbers or statistics or clinical information on that. Everything you know goes out the window. I can't even imagine how you feel right now! But I'm glad that you were able to cry, and that your colleagues could too.
I'll be thinking of you.
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minniemouse said on Jun 22, 2007....
Your blog caught my attention and it brought back memories for me. My daughter was born 3 months early and weighed only 1 lb. 14 oz. The nurses and doctors I encountered durning her 3 month hospital stay were the most caring and wonderful people I have ever met. We were very lucky and my daughter came through everything ok....but there were so many babies that didn't make it and reading your story brought tears to my eyes....remembering the fear....feeling so much sadness for the parents. Thank you for sharing your story...I hope writting about it helped you some... :-) MM
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Eilan said on Jun 22, 2007....
My husband is a retired highway patrol officer and he encountered his fair share of death and dying over the years. For him, the challenge was compartmentalizing his emotions so that they wouldn't affect his ability to do his job while also not "hardening" himself to the realities of his work.
For the last 12 or so years of his career, after his promotion, he spent less time on the road and more time doing paperwork, but as a supervisor, he had to go to the fatal crashes. I'd be lying if I said he didn't come home from work and cry a little on a couple of particularly tough days.
You'll be in my thoughts as well. *hug*
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silverwhisper said on Jun 24, 2007....
i'm sorry to read this, nini.
[hug]
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Corianda said on Jun 28, 2007....
(hug) I'm so sorry, You and your co workers did the best you all could.
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boyzmom said on Jun 29, 2007....
This is a sad story and people should cry at a time like that. Just remember that everything in life has a purpose, even death of an infant. I hope you see that you can handle this and continue to do the best job you can do because that hospital needs people like you!
Comment on "Infant death"
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