Tonight, I was in the kitchen making chili when I had a funny, but gross kitchen fiasco.
"Chili, in this heat and weather; are you crazy?", you ask.
"Well, yes indeed, I might be crazy," I reply.
But that is a matter for an entirely separate blog entry.
I was making chili, despite our 90 degree weather, because for the last week for some strange reason, I have been craving "chili pie" like they serve at Petro's Chili and Chips, made famous at the World's Fair in Knoxville, Tennessee. Unfortunately, we live nowhere near a Petro's and would have to drive well over 10 hours to get to one. Petro's Chili and Chips is made in layers with a layer of Frito's corn chips, chili, cheese, and then whatever you want put on it: lettuce, onion, tomato, sour cream, hot sauce.
Anyway, I digress a bit.
I was in the process of making chili in the kitchen. The ground beef was browned and drained, the homemade-from-the-garden canned tomatoes were added, the chili spices had been put in, and the kidney beans had been rinsed and drained and added. But the sauce was looking a bit too thin in that it was still going to be too thin after it had cooked for awhile.
So, I went to the pantry and fished out a small can of tomato paste to add to thicken the sauce. Now, I always keep tomato paste on hand in our pantry as I use it frequently in lasagna, spaghetti sauce, with some chicken and roast dishes. So, my cans of tomato paste are never on the pantry shelf for more than a month or two at most. And these cans do have a best if sold by date on them; some have a best if used date on them. I always check the date before I open them, and this one had a best if sold date of November 2009. So, the can should have been fine. Should is the operative word here.
I turned and walked a step to the kitchen sink behind me (we have a long narrow kitchen) because I always open canned goods at the kitchen sink even if they are not something that needs to be drained and rinsed. I've gotten in this habit because, in case you drop the can while opening it, it is less of a mess for it to drop and spill/leak into the sink than on the counter or floor.
Now, normally, I wouldn't regale you with what I happened to be wearing but, I am tonight, as it's important to this story. I was standing there at the kitchen sink in a pair of my favorite, yet too big, jeans that sit on my hips, and a spaghetti strap tank top that has a built-in shelf bra.
I reached and grabbed the can opener, aligned it with the top of the can, and squeezed the handles to pop the blade into the can while taking one crank of the handle of the opener when it happened.
The tomato paste exploded out of the edge where the top of the can had barely begun to be opened with a rather vicious "pop'". Now, anyone who has used tomato paste knows that while the tomato paste is thick there's also a bit of oily juice within the can too. The paste exploding out of the can shot tomato paste over my hand and arm but worse, it shot the oily juice into the air and it splashed onto my abdomen where the bottom of the tank top didn't quite meet the waistband of my jeans. But it also shot so far into the air that it splashed onto my face and my bare neck as well as down the front of my tank top to where it trickled between my breasts.
I was so surprised that I let out a rather startled yelp, and my husband came dashing from the next room to see what happened. I turned as he was entering the room, and he demanded to know if I was alright. You see, my face, neck, and chest are covered with this red residue and it took him a full half a minute to assess the situation and determine that I had not cut myself on the can but that it had exploded on me.
Mr. Z turned the water on full bore, and I managed to rinse my hand and the can still in my clutches off while he grabbed a couple of paper towels to sop the tomato paste juice off my face, from my hair (I didn't know it was there until he did that.), off my neck, and as much as he could off my chest. (Yes, he kept it clean.)
I looked fantastically funny standing there dripping tomato paste and
the oily residue/juice from the can. And let me tell you, tomato paste
juice running between your breasts and pooling in the built-in shelf
bra of a tank top is in no way a pleasant sensation.
Yeeuch!!!!
So, do you have any funny kitchen disasters to share?
Zayda posted on Jun 19, 2007
| views: 281
Comments
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silverwhisper said on Jun 19, 2007....
damn, super z...your top, i trust, wasn't ruined?
my only good kitchen disaster story is a very simple and pretty innocuous one at that.
OK, you're familiar i trust with jell-o instant pudding? well, one night after dinner when i was in 10th grade, i decided that i wanted dessert. now, b/c dessert is a foreign concept in most asian cuisines, we weren't in the habit of having dessert after dinner but that night, i was determined.
so i fished out the instant pudding package and perusing the instructions quickly, decided it looked simple enough. i went into the living room, where the rest of the family was gathered, i announced that i was going to make dessert.
my (elder) sister looked at me, her expression full of concern: "ed, are you sure you know how to make that?"
offended, i just stared at her: "any idiot can make instant pudding."
rarely have more fateful words been uttered.
now, as most folks know, there are some very specific measurements implied by any cooking instructions that include something like "1 cup".
sadly, even this rudimentary fact was unknown to me.
so i took a tall tumbler, filled it with milk, and added it to the bowl.
needless to say, half an hour of stirring later, it wasn't really coming together. my sister called into the kitchen, "hey, is everything OK in there?"
not yet realizing the scope of my error, i grumbled, "it isn't thickening!"
within 3 seconds, she was in the kitchen, her eyes dancing with a mischievous gleam.
she saw the empty tumbler, remnants of the milk still running down the inside of the glass and for a glorious three seconds, there was dead silence. a silence that was soon shattered by her hysterical laughter.
OK, not as bad as your tomato paste situation, but it's the closest i can think of just now. :>
ed -
mirrorimage said on Jun 19, 2007....
lmao!!! I can sympathize a little bit... every single time I open yogurt, it does something similar...not that bad of course and not quite as oily...a little easier to just wipe off!! :) -
Zayda said on Jun 19, 2007....
silver: i hope my top isn't ruined. we shall see if the tomato paste stain comes out. it's been spotted and is soaking. *sigh* -
TinSoldier said on Jun 19, 2007....
Zayda -- I guess you could make your shirt a tie-dye if nothing else ;) . -
Zayda said on Jun 19, 2007....
mirrorimage: you know i have that happen with yogurt cartons occasionally as well. but you are right, it's not nearly as bad as the tomato paste incident.
TS: unfortunately, this tank was pale pink with a pale green underlay, so i don't know that it would do well as a tie-dye. ;p. but, you never know.
and silver: i'm still laughing about your "cup" of milk. i bet your sister still laughs about it if/when she thinks of it. -
silverwhisper said on Jun 19, 2007....
my entire family cracks up over it. :>
ed -
MissMimi said on Jun 19, 2007....
Let me say from experience that any time an older sister can catch her younger brother doing something boneheaded is indeed a happy time. ;)Many years ago, I made pot roast, and I make good pot roast, if I do say so myself. I was lifting the roast out of the pan, and as I was tranferring it to a platter, it slipped off the meat fork, fell to the floor, skidded across the floor, and stopped only because it hit the back door. My sister happened to be in the kitchen with me, and we began laughing hysterically. But it was dinner! So we picked it up, rinsed it off in the sink, and covered it with gravy. No one was none the wiser.To this day, whenever I tell B I am trying a new recipe, he says, "Uh-oh." He hasn't let me forget, after nearly 25 years about a recipe disaster by the name of Ham Hawaiian. Don't ask. It was incredibly awful. -
Zayda said on Jun 19, 2007....
Oh no, Mimi. I'm asking. You have to tell us about Ham Hawaiian. -
MissMimi said on Jun 19, 2007....
It's been awhile, but basically it was a ham steak that is cooked in a sweet-and sour sauce. Banana slices are added at the last minute to prevent overcooking. The combination of sweet-and-sour and bananas was just gross. It was definitely a culinary faux pas. -
Zayda said on Jun 19, 2007....
Okay, Mimi, the flavor combination does sound horrible. Ewww... -
sweet_cookie01 said on Jun 20, 2007....
giggling sorry zayda for giggling about your experience here... funny but it seemed cute to me the whole scenario....
last year my mom and i were talking about replacing our old fridge... since it was really old and i have to admit the door hinges were starting to rust... then one day out of the blue the door fell as i was abou to open it... well like all other fridge you could imagine that there are a couple of bottles of sauces and eggs on the shelf of the door... it all splashed on the floor.... as i tried to pick of the detached fridge door i slipped on the floor on the sauces... well my mom didnt get mad but laugh at me... i on the other hand was cursing saying to mom "i told you we need a new fridge!"
that very same day we had a new fridge delivered!
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Froggie_50 said on Jun 20, 2007....
Zayda: there you go again, talking about Food! Dont you know I have a Re-union to go to the first week of August? :) Kitchen Disasters? Had so many, just one stands out in particular...Baking a pumpkin pie and then while taking it out of the oven it slips out of my hand and lands on the floor face down of course...Oh those moments... -
queenparanoia said on Jun 20, 2007....
sorry but that was funny!!! ahahahahhahahah anyway i almost got our kitchen burn down so there you could laugh at me too!!! =) -
silverwhisper said on Jun 20, 2007....
hey super z, what's the word on your shirt?
ed -
polarheart said on Jun 20, 2007....
Oh, Zayda, that is truly hilarious!! Good job for taking such care in opening the can over the sink - not that it helped you much! I once made a lovely vegetable soup in my pressure cooker, we were going to have a bring and share at the church hall. I added some mini flower shaped pasta noodles, those things are tiny. . .it didn't look enough so I added some more and closed the lid. By the time it was cooked and I opened the cooker the pasta had swollen so much that one could almost had eaten the "soup" with a knife and fork!! -
the_infernal_optimist said on Jun 20, 2007....
Ewww! Zayda, I hope your shirt wasn't ruined. What a gross thing to have happen!
Ed, I'm still lmao at the jello story. :-D
I generally stay out of the kitchen unless something needs baking. I can handle that much. :-p
No interesting kitchen tales here, though my brother has tons from being a grill boy at a fast food restaurant a while back. Did you know that if you press pickle slices in the griller on the "bacon" setting, they squeak so loudly that patrons leave and managers get testy? :-D
~Infernal
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Zayda said on Jun 20, 2007....
Sweet-Cookie: It's okay for giggling. I'm giggling over it now. Ouch, I can't imagine the mess it would cause if our entire refrigerator door came off as there is quite a bit housed in it. Ohhh...and that must have been kind of heaving falling off on you. I hope you didn't get hurt.
Froggie: I tend to talk about food a great deal because I really enjoy cooking, so perhaps you best not go poking around too far in my early blog entries if you have a reunion to go to in August. ;)
I've done the dump a whole plate of something on the floor trick before. When I was in grad school, my parents had this god awful ugly carpet in their kitchen (the previous owners had carpeted the dining room and kitchen **rolls eyes** who does that?!?!), we were making taco salads one night, and I had just finished layering the ingredients on my plate and picked up the plate when my then fiancé asked me to hand him something. I went to set my plate down and somehow missed the edge of the counter, hit the edge of the plate on the counter and sent my plate of taco salad flipping onto the carpet.
PH: It's pretty funny now that I've had a day to get over the tomato paste juice shooting me in the face and dribbling down the front of my shirt. It really was icky feeling. BLECH!
You know, I've done the same thing with small pasta noodles by adding too many of them to a crockpot of vegetable beef soup. Luckily, I wasn't taking the dish anywhere, and could scoop half out into another pot and add some beef broth and canned tomatoes to re-liquify the dish and make it soup-like.
Silver: The verdict is still out on the shirt. I soaked the spots with Action Shout overnight and it's in the wash as I type this. In fact, the load should just be done. I'm beginning to think that shirt in it's various color combinations is cursed. I had on the exact same style today but in light blue and pink and managed to splatter spicy peanut sauce on the shirt. *sigh*
I-O: I truly hope my shirt wasn't ruined either. And yes, it was really gross.
I'm pretty sure I might not want to know some of those stories from a fast food restaraunt. And yes, I know how loudly pickles squeak when grilled. Did you know that you can also light a lightbulb with a pickle?
I'm still giggling over Silver's Jello story. hehehe. -
silverwhisper said on Jun 21, 2007....
infernal, super z: my pleasure, ladies. :> and z, do you need a bib, missy? :D
ed -
Zayda said on Jun 21, 2007....
Silver: Nope. I'm telling you it's the shirt. Different shirt today, no problems. [knocks on wood] -
silverwhisper said on Jun 21, 2007....
you say that now... :D
ed -
Zayda said on Jun 21, 2007....
BTW, I should mention that despite the disaster of the erupting tomato paste can that the Frito chili pie was delicious. :D
Silver, damn you, you've jinxed me, you know. [whaps Silver upside the head] -
silverwhisper said on Jun 21, 2007....
bah, you jinxed yourself by mentioning that you didn't have any problems today. :>
ed
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