Did you know that you can injure your jaw while performing oral sex? I personally always thought this was just a myth. I thought someone dreamed up the idea in an effort to keep young ladies from doing such things.... that's how dumb I am.
I have known Mr. Jones ( I would have used Joe Blow there to protect his identity but it seemed inappropriate) since high school. He was a freshman when I was a senior so we weren't very close but our siblings are good friends and he knows my stepfather very well. He had just confessed his desire to impregnate and marry me a few weeks before, so when I saw him, I just winked and smiled as I walked by him. To my suprise, we ended up spending the next seven hours talking about everything under the sun and I have no idea what came over me, but I invited him to spend the remainder of the evening with me.
We didn't get very far before I hurt my jaw and I immediately burst out laughing. It didn't even occur to me that it was a very inappropriate time to laugh until he sat up and said, "Ok.... you have called me little mr. jones the entire night and now you are laughing while giving me a blow job!!!" I think he was quite upset until I told him why I was laughing and he said, "Oh my god....that cracking is your jaw???" We both laughed it off and called it a night!
Several days later, my jaw was still cracking and there were several times where I couldn't open my mouth at all....not to mention the pain!! When I realized it wasn't going away, I broke down and called the doctors office. The nurse burst out laughing and told me she could do all the necessary paperwork without going through my doctor. Several days later, while waiting for the results of my xrays it occurred to me that someone was eventually going to have to fix my jaw!! We had to tell him....so we thought up some wonderful popsicle incident and he referred me to an ENT who referred me to an oral surgeon several hours away.
I'm not stupid...and the look on the faces of these doctors told me they weren't either. They knew exactly how it happened...but I can't decide what is more embarrassing.... being known as the blow job injury chick by the Xray tech, radiologist, pharmacist, ENT, oral surgeon and nurses at three different hospitals or having that awkward follow up appointment with my hottie doc (aka man of my dreams) to see if the mouth mold being worn at night and soft diet has improved the condition!
I am not kidding when I say that I have the SHITTIEST LUCK IMAGINABLE!!!!!! Oh and Mr. Jones??? I think he is just bad luck........ He tried to make it up to me the next weekend and got hauled off for a blood/alcohol test. He wasn't drunk, they saw us leave the pub after dinner, he dropped his soda and swerved on memorial day weekend.... I guess that's all it takes these days.... We won't be trying for date number three....
