I probably won't post a lot of blogs here, because, unlike most of the very talented people here, I am not a writer. It's not why I'm here. But I do love to read and learn about other people's lives. Its a popular misconception that actors love to talk about themselves all the time. Most of the actors I know would much rather listen and learn about the way that other people think. It is, after all, a very important part of what we do.
Unless, of course we have a story to tell....or a song to sing...or some Shakespeare to recite....that is, after all, what we live for. So here's a story. It would be much better if I could speak it rather than write it in my clunky style, but I'll do my best.
This past winter I had the privledge to play the role of Willy Loman - The Salesman in Arthur Miller's Death of a Salesman. It is one of the greatest roles ever written and frankly, it scared the crap out of me! Half-way through the rehearsal period, I remember thinking -- perhaps for the first time in my life -- that maybe I wasn't good enough. Maybe I didn't have what it takes to do justice to this amazing character. Quite honestly, I"ve never been lacking in self confidence....at least not about acting...and this was a whole new experience for me. Ego is an essential part of acting. I knew that, like most things in life, the solution was to work harder. So I went back to my script...back to my research...and resolved to work my butt off. The rehearsal period exhausted me...it wrang me out (is wrang a word?)....but I ended up with a performance I was proud of. The performances transported me and felt quite magical. But it gets worse...
Every year our region holds a drama festival. It is a week-long, competitive festival in which five companies, chosen from about thirty companies, re-mount, perform, and strike (take down) their shows - one each day. At the end of the week there is an awards ball. I have been going to this Festival for 25 years and have a lot of friends there. Each year is like a giant family re-union for me. These are my peers...the people whose opinions I most respect...and here I was playing the role of a lifetime for them. I was a basket case!! All week people were saying things like "I can't wait to see you play Willy" or "The only reason I came this year was to see you in 'Salesman' ". I felt like I was made out of Jello! The other cast members said they had never seen me look nervous before--I am always nervous but I've learned to focus it and use the energy. Not this time! Fortunately, once I hit the stage I was able to relax and let Willy take me away. At the awards ball I won "Best Actor" and was almost in tears. It was a very satisfying conclusion to my "Role of a Lifetime".
I would love to hear your comments---that is if my clunky writing hasn't driven you away yet.
