The beginning: An innocent kid named Robin

            A male is born into a Malaysian Chinese family in 1982 in a hospital in the city of Kuala Lumpur. The cries of sadness have been sound as he was being sent into a baby chamber. That was me. It was a beginning of a horror ride that could be in the top 3 lists of the worse kid in the whole generation in the Tan and Chow family. My mother smiled as she looked into my eyes even though she was naïve young adult while my father was screwing another lady at Port Dickson. Yes, that is how my life begun. I wished I could crawl back in and die inside her womb and went to heaven to meet saints and angels. I would kiss the floor steps of heaven and thank god for such golden blessings.

            Talking about blessings, until today I am waiting for the blessing that was bestowed upon Job since I’m like him since I was born. My life was and is a mess. I wonder what is my purpose here on earth.

The worse nest

            We lived in a pathetic and small place near the old ‘China Press Publishers’. It’s next to a filthy and small Hainan village and a heavily polluted river that looks like ‘teh tarik’ from ‘Syed Mamak Stall’. The nearby highways would sing tunes of noisy vehicles to disturb your peace of quiet time of sleeping, studying and et cetera. Our wrecked apartment is next to a bus station that harbors lots of old, dirty and noisy red in colors buses that would decorate your houses with dusts. This is definitely hell. Not to mention the drunkards that would lay around your paveways to show how bad this side of the world could be. Trust me; this is totally a third world environment. People would throw their cigarettes butts into your balcony while your clothing being smeared by unwanted liquids (hopefully it’s not pee) and rubbishes. The stench from the rubbish bin would be a great ‘demotivator’ for your tummy during meals.

            Now, my parents are living in a first world country in a nice bungalow. My dad even has an outdoor hot spa / Jacuzzi. My mom is in the United States while my dad resides in New Zealand. Their living condition is tip-top I would say. On my side, I am still in planet hell. I am stuck next to the highway with noise and air pollution to the max. My mental and physical health has deteriorated and it is still going down to the point that I am depressingly sick every month. Not to mention my insomnia problems and all the theft and inconsiderate housemates that I’ve got to battle day and night and day and night.

The horrible divorce and the innocent kid(s)

            My backslided father is a mentally ill man and ex-drug addict. He was into rehab for year(s). He used to make disgusting love to Malay guy(s). I wonder does he still do it. He joined the 18 immortals gang (so is my Chow grandpa) and indulges in all sort of illegal and unhealthy activities. Nevertheless, he divorced my mom after he was womanizing with this Christian Chinese lady from Malaysia. What a world! He hated my mother even until today (20 years later). He hated me too and never gave me any proper love and support. He abuses my mother and me even until present days. What amazes me is that he said “I used to preach about God everyday, perform exorcisms and everyday I donates huge amount of money or things to anyone that needs it”. Did I just smell “Hypocrisy”? Yes I did. I wonder is he ashamed of things he has done to me. Now, he’s with many ladies and got unofficial married to a cunning Islander named Manu Sangaga and gave birth to my loving half-sister by the name of Crystal Alan Chow. 

            My fanatic mother is into Christianity day and night even while shitting in the toilet she must pray for blessing(s). She was heartbroken when my idiotic dad slept around with sluts. She went mad and even burnt my hand once with a candle because she said I was dishonoring her and will go hell. Yeap, she abuses me too, releasing her stress, depression and mental illness on me everyday. When she has a bad day from work, I will get it. She became desperate and married a divorcee named Michael Valinski, a German, Russian, Welch and Irish blood man with blue eyes. He has two daughters. Their mom is a white American too. Their mom got married with another white American that even abused my step-sis too. Anyway, until today my mother still uses religion and god as a weapon against everyone. She even said I am born out of God and not her. (I think she is a Mad Wild Wild West Women). She’s a hypocrite too like my real father. She never took good care of me like Alan Of Chow.

The physical and sexual abuses

From young, I am physically abused by my family especially my uncle(s). I would bleed and have bruises even on the face. My mother and father wouldn’t care and my uncle would have his way on me. I would get bashed up even by turning on the television or retailing his fists and canes. Could you imagine the terrible harms that is done on me physically and mentally (even until today). Pity me and no one cared. I was made to stand on chairs and get slapping even by sleeping. Oh yeah, they’re Christians too. Playing with my private parts is a norm while spitting on me is a happy event for him. Taking out my pants seems to be a joyful thing!?!? Holding or pinning me down, tickling me till it sores is acceptable by this family!?!? This is one sickening Christian family. Will they go the hell or heaven? God is fair right!?

My physical health problems

I suffer from all sort of sickness. From sinusitis, eczemas, bronchitis, hypersensitivy to frequent fever and infections. My frequency of getting sick is up to every week and minimum once a month. I am quite thin; I lost 20 KG over 2 years. I am bedridden from time to time. Unable to buy food, necessities and all makes my life even worse. I’m just about 50 KG at 167 cm tall. The environment that I lived in is making it worse. I’m allergic to most of the anti-biotics and medications (which makes me very fragile person), I almost died from suffocation due to allergy reactions last year. I can’t even take alcohol, chocolate, and seafood to strawberries and citrus fruits. I am so sick that I am very famous among every group of friends I have. My sickness, eczemas to rashes even stopped from good night sleep, concentration on my work and all. It really sucks to the max. Seriously, I would like to change my body like how a ‘Proton Wira’ gets a ‘Mitsubishi Evo 3’ full set front clip. My health is a barrier to my studies, work and personal life every single day. I can’t even get a cold drink without getting cough afterwards which can lead to fever and bronchitis. It is so depressing. I do take many vitamins and supplements (my record is 9 bottles of them) but it seems that it doesn’t work.

My mental health problems

My mind is filled with rubbish as you can expect. My physical problems have contributed a more or less to my psychological problems. I suffer from chronic depression, supreme paranoia, anxiety disorder, suicidal thoughts to obsessive compulsive disorder. Is it my fault? No! Am I trying to change? Yes! Once I even store up gas just in case the zombie might attack me. I’ve seen and talked spirits in which I really don’t know what they are. Is it spiritual or mental!? I’ve taken Xanax, St.John Worts to other WIDE range of medications but they ain’t helping a lot. The environment that I lived in is making it worse. I’ve cried, I’ve even assaulted myself even today. I’ve talked to the walls and even thought of changing religion. I’ve punched 3 laptops, thrown 8 handphones and broke many furnitures and fittings.