• Heartwalker said on Jun 03, 2007....

  Is this a self portrait ? if not, it is good poetry.It portrays the elderly woman's destitute plight very well. yours friendly Heartwalker

• WindRider said on Jun 03, 2007....

  Heartwalker, I'm very curious... how did you find this post?
  
  :-)
  
  Thanks for reading. I appreciate your input.
  

• Heartwalker said on Jun 03, 2007....

  When you navigate from the main page, there is a small link called " Most Recent" . In that we can find the posts, from the most recent ones.I habitually visit this and find out for myself the really good ones.I stay away from the so called popular mediocre posts, and as usual I was skimming through the most recent posts, when I found this topic, " I hate my friends".

  I can relate to this, for I have also harbored similar feelings, so I descended like a ton of bricks to read and reflect.

  That's how I came here, still you have not answered my query,.

  Is it a self portrait or not?

  with respects and regards

  Heartwalker

• lioneljay said on Jun 03, 2007....

  I sense a lot of truth in these lines, WR. They moved me.
  
  Thank you.
  

• WindRider said on Jun 03, 2007....

  Admittedly, I had just gotten home, and was drunk... and angry... but yes, Heartwalker, it is something of a self-portrait. And yes, lioneljay... lots of truth.
  
  Thanks for reading, guys.
  
  I get so fed up with the Dyke Drama that literally swirls around me these days. Someone once asked me WHY I watch The L Word, when I'm LIVING it every day. At the time, I laughed, but I look back and see that it was a very true comment.
  
  I feel better today. :-)
  

• silverwhisper said on Jun 04, 2007....

  windrider, i'm not sure what to say in response other than that i could feel your loneliness and frustration.
  
  ed

• Heartwalker said on Jun 04, 2007....

  Windrider,
    All of us, stay in this earth, but a small time,...
   
  Life is to short to feel Long,
  I recall a poem here,...I have modified it a li'l bit, but it conveys the message....
   
  I shall not have lived in vain,
  I shall not have lived in vain,
  If I had worked to heal my neighbor's pain,
  I shall not  have lived in vain.
   
  welcome
   
  yours friendly
  Heartwalker

• WindRider said on Jun 04, 2007....

  You guys are thoughtful and I appreciate the support.
  
  Most of the time I am not so angry.
  
  And I know the difference between being alone and being lonely.
  
  Its just that some times... I get tired of being silent about the frustrations of trying to HELP heal my neighbors (FRIENDS) pains...
  
  It's easy to blame the alcohol. But it's only purpose was to unlock the chains I keep across my negativity... I know better. I can usually tell when I'm reaching a "point of no return". USUALLY I can deflect it.
  
  But it's been rather relentless for the last 18 months, and I'm just NOT used to that.
  
  And it's not just the emotional stuff. I've had financial problems as some may know (I bitch a lot! LOL!). I've had physical problems... mechanical problems with the truck AND the motorcycle... 2 deaths in the family... besides the numerous heartbreaks I STILL carry around... *huge sigh*...
  
  Some people break. I broke a little the other nite.
  
  I'm okay now. Thank you.
  @-->-
  

• silverwhisper said on Jun 05, 2007....

  glad to hear it, windrider. :>
  
  ed

• cotteralladams3 said on Jun 06, 2007....

  I worked with three people at a restaurant and couldn't stand any of them.  They were racists, arrogant, angry and talked about their sexual conquests all the time.  Wasn't entertaining or interesting to me.  Not against having fun but one girl was a former crack addict who had severe manic-depression and made up stories.  She said she was 'the fifth worst case in the province, the worst one they had ever seen themselves'.  Okay, so why isn't she in treatment?  Why didn't she go to rehab?  Why does she drink at work?  She would come in two hours early, say at three on a shift at five, had hours taken from me twice by going to management, along with another girl.  Once about a course they found out I was taking, another about hiring their friend who had no experience, was as fake as they were, and to boost up her hours.  I quit. 
   
  They wanted to shove the closing work on me and not help out.  We had fifteen chores to do. I often did half or more and others were excused.  They could call management and cancel working the close.  I would get called and told to do it.  They wanted me to do their work so that they could get more tables themselves.  Also, I was shoved in the back to take overflow tables and offered a bussing job instead.  Then this stupid girl who was harassing and threatening people at work, including her own customers I often took care of, going on rambling about her life in misery, once even at eleven in the morning when I came to pick up tips, etc.  She would interrupt co-workers and get them to sit down for an hour while drinking beer and eating in front of customers (NOT PROFESSIONAL) and talking about her different boyfriends, how she was bisexual or something. 
   
  She also sent me an eight-page loveletter.  She told me to 'let go of my defenses', 'realize what was happening between us', 'try and save our precious relationship', 'not think I can't trust her with my emotions for her', and that 'you told me I was attractive so we must have a relationship, three stormy and wonderful months, and now you want to leave me and break my heart'.  Crazy stuff.  I quit.  I had to.  I even filed a police report against her and had her history looked into.  If she bothers me again, well you know.  I went to pick up my cheque and she went hysterical.  She started breaking down and crying in public.  She does this in front of customers. 
   
   I really believe she makes tips because she is crazy and they feel sorry for her.  I don't blame her but she should be in the psych ward for awhile and then released to her family.  She should be made to follow treatment and go into detox.  She should be fired.  It is against human rights legislation.  I heard about people not getting jobs because of race, being overweight, over the age of fifty or for being a woman or being gay.  That is what this legislation is for.  It is not wrong to fire someone like this.  I warned the boss before I left and she is still there.  I guess it is their misery to protect and nurture.  Took two weeks to get it out of my system. 
   
  The thing is, I never went out with these people.  Never called them.  Never wrote them an email or note.  Didn't stick around after work. Came in and left.  It is weird.  Don't put up with harassment and remember you don't have to be friends with troublemakers.  That is how a lot of people are in this town.

• horizonssoheavenly said on Jun 06, 2007....

  Got a lot of grit, wisdom and rhythm.  Like it.

• horizonssoheavenly said on Jun 06, 2007....

  What do you think of this poem?

  Troublemaker
  
  Let the razor's edge on tongue cut
  deeper into her own blade.
  She wants scarlet tears and the
  abandonment of fear. The night
  comes to beg for her company.
  She wishes for a symphony
  The sound of footsteps around
  highlights the night's rhythm.
  Broken mirror echoes as glass cracks
  as if a dollar bill crinkled while
  crushed by the blow of her heels.
  She looks perfectly-manicured with a callous
  obscured.

• horizonssoheavenly said on Jun 06, 2007....

  What do you think of this poem?

  Troublemaker
  
  Let the razor's edge on tongue cut
  deeper into her own blade.
  She wants scarlet tears and the
  abandonment of fear. The night
  comes to beg for her company.
  She wishes for a symphony
  The sound of footsteps around
  highlights the night's rhythm.
  Broken mirror echoes as glass cracks
  as if a dollar bill crinkled while
  crushed by the blow of her heels.
  She looks perfectly-manicured with a callous
  obscured.

• WindRider said on Jun 07, 2007....

  cotteralladams3 - Damn! That must have been miserable for you. I'm very sorry to hear it. And thank you for the reminder that I get to pick with whom I hang out. I do feel better these days. I'm ignoring their crap. LOL!
  
  horizonssoheavenly - My goodness, that's certainly deep! Sounds jaded and without hope. Is this your work?
  
  To both of you, thank you so much for reading and commenting! I appreciate everyone's input!
  

• lfbno7 said on Jun 20, 2007....

  i love the l word, and lesbians have meant so much to me in my life.  i fell in love with one and i became her lover's best friend.  i'm a guy.  it doesn't pay for a guy to fall in love with a lesbian.  just makes you cry.
  
  i didn't mean to be so revealing.  it just happened.
  

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