last night me and B went out to celebrate his birthday. a whole lot of ppl came with, work friends, family - he got totally wasted and to cut the long story short he was flirting with anything that moved. when he touched this girls arse infront of me - i couldnt handle it anymore and i got up and pulled him off the dance floor. he was so drunk he couldnt even talk or walk straight. question is, where do i go from now? he is so lucky to have a girl like me, i always let him have his boys nights out, i never give him the 21questions. i trust him. and this is how he repays me?
im such a giving and loving person, i give him my all and he is so fucking selfish and self-centred and has major ego problems. last night he wanted to be the 'man' infront of everyone and i guess that meant acting like he was a playa with stupid me as his girlfriend in the back round.
i left with my sister and her husband last night and i dont even know whether he got home safely or not. i dont know what to do. we had so much plans. do i want to be with him? my mind doesnt even want to accept what happened last night. its like it didnt happen at all. i still cant believe he was chatting girls up and being all touchy-feely with them- infront of me. i feel so degraded, he did it infront of everyone and i wanted to save the 'talk' for the next day when he was sober bcos theres no use talking to someone who's that trashed. but when he touched that girls arse, i couldnt just sit there. even his family was cross with him. i dont know what to do. i dont want to do the whole ' waiting' game. where i wait for him to call me bcos i dont want to seem weak and call him. i will end up waiting the entire wkend.
i dont want this hanging in the air like this iether, this uncertainty. but i dont want to have to tell him that he is wrong, bcos im not his mother. i dont want to mother him.
yes he was wasted, and he has never done this to me before - but i feel that alcahol is no excuse. i used to drink alot, and i NEVER did shit like this to any of my boyfriends. even when i was single i still knew what i was doing. i was never the 'girl who was taken advantage of' . i think i should end it. i dont think he realises what he has with me, and when he does it will be too late anyway bcos he is so fucking stubborn. he's priorities are warped. he worries what his friends thought of the whole thing. but screw me? i think im going to call him now and see where we stand. he is at work now and so am i. the girls at his work enjoyed the attention he gave them last night and are probably hyping him up about last night. telling him that he did nothing wrong etc.
then again theres no excuse, he should know who is more important to him. why do i always find the guy that hurts me? why ?? how many lessons do i need to learn? how many hurtful heart-wrenching breakups. how many? will i end up like my mother, married 3 times and only find love when im 40?
i dont want to be alone. but i dont want to sacrifice my happiness iether. i dont know what the fuck to do.
