you would never belive what has been going on. after comming back from vacation, i had a fantastic (sarcasm) surprise.
Im pregnant
yep
i know
it drives me crazy. im supposed to be happy but im not quite. I am now seven weeks pregnant and i know exactly when i conceived... how can i go through with a divorce while pregnant. how can i raise two kids by myself..
things are worse than ever between my dh and i. he now sleeps on the couch. and he barely talks to me. he wont touch me..
I cant live like this.
but im so scared to go this alone...
i know stress is not good for a pregnancy and im trying to relieve it in any way possible, knitting, music, video games.
and what about TD?
well i had to tell him.
he is happy for me and worried at the same time.
hes concerned about the state of my mairrage... and how long it will take to disolve.
hes told me im more than a friend to him closer to a lady love, i know there is more than that....but i can tell hes protecting his feelings. while hes in school hes over there and im over here. our lives dont exactly coincide location wise.
i am so enamored by him, hes an amazing man. I honestly think im falling in love with him.
i wish it was something more between us. if he was here now this all would be so easy.
im so confused guys
im so torn between the man i have, but cant stand and the man i want but might never have completely.
i love my dh, hes such a part of me. but i hate him at the same time. i have never felt for him what i feel for TD, never. the attraction and desire the level of connection i have with TD is something else..
my dh and i propbably never should have been married. even he says he should have waited to get married. i know somewhere in his heart he loves me but he hurts me at every opportunity. not physically... that would be too easy. but emotionally. and i dont want to raise my kids in this kind of household... i dont want them to learn that this is how men treat their wives.
this is one of the hardest things i have ever done and it only gets scarier...i know there will allways be another man to hold me..but will i ever get to feel the arms of the man who is the other half of me?
