• sweet_cookie01 said on May 29, 2007....

  bluesnake... i dont know how to unlove someone... i just fall out of love.
   
  but if ever i need to unlove someone i have to convince myself why that person doesnt deserve my love... make myself busy and enjoy things that will not make me think of the person.
   

• Bluesnake said on May 29, 2007....

  Get yourself busy....good idea....

• gingersoul said on May 29, 2007....

  Bluesnake........you cant.

  Simple like that. You simply can't do anything to unlove. 

  The first step should be subsitute hate with love.  It works only in the short term. Then you might try the indifference card. The erasing memories game. The sleeping around tecnique. The work-alcoholic mode, the only-alcoholic mode. The travelling as far away as you can. Eventually you will have to come back. Eventually all your feelings will come back.

  I am sorry. I am still trying like you to completely unlove somebody.

  Its almost 2 years now. Still working on it.....But i can tell you each day is a little easier.....good luck!..... 

   

• Bluesnake said on May 29, 2007....

  2 years!! That's really really long.....
  So for me, it's just the start of the painful journey.....sigh...
   
  Sleeping around? LOL.....that's seem the easy way out....but I guess you're right....the feelings will still come back.....ouch! Damn...
   

• rupert7 said on May 30, 2007....

  Bad news I'm afraid. If you really love someone it is forever no matter what.
  
  This is how Shakespeare put it
  
  Let me not to the marriage of true minds admit indements
  Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds
  or bends with the remover to remove
  Oh no tis an ever fixed mark which looks on tempests and is never shaken
  Tis the guiding star to every wandering bark who's worths unknown though his height be taken
  Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks  but bears it out even to the edge of doom
  If this be error and upon me proved, I never writ nor no man ever loved
  

• Zayda said on May 30, 2007....

  You can't really "unlove", not completely. The people you love the most passionately leave marks on your heart that never really go away.
  
  
  And you don't ever really forget them.
  
  
  The most you can do is change your perspective and say "This person was once part of my life in X way, and now they are part of my life in Y way". (Sorry, I don't mean that to sound so formulaic, but it's the easiest way I can think of to express it right now.)
  
  
  

• allswell said on May 30, 2007....

  Bluesnake I agree with everyone, you just can't unlove someone...it goes away slowly and you just have to try to move on untill it happens.   
   
  I can honestly say that i don't love my ex anymore and even though we've only been separated for about five months I knew our marriage was over long before but i just counldn't let go, because i loved him...but then i started concentrating on why we shouldn't be together anymore and why he made me so unhappy...and it helped...for me ...to eventually stop loving him. 
   
  alls:)

• silverwhisper said on May 30, 2007....

  what super z said.
  
  ed

• LMari said on May 30, 2007....

  well the most hurtful thing when you break up, is that your entire 'safe' world is different. its gone. you gotta start over. humankind clings to routines, set goals, everyday rituals. when its over in a relationship 'POOF' your life is gone. you start to panic - you wont sleep with that person anymore, you wont make coffee for him anymore - you guys wont go to that concert you booked for next month - etc etc etc. never mind the imbedded thoughts like marriage and kids.

  only way to get over it, and try to crash your human 'fixed routine' brain, and start making changes all around you, so that its not just one thing thats changed and feels missing (him) -its everything, from your hair to your home to your work to your fitness, go to different places etc etc. change your entire world - be selfish, do things for you - go places you like - so that atleast your entire routine and life has changed - and your attention wont be solely on the one thing that changed, that he left.  

• gingersoul said on May 30, 2007....

  LMari....believe me i turned my life completely up side down after my divorce...the only thing i didnt do yet (but i am thinking of doing) is moving out of the country (again).

  For the rest.... been there, done that....

  I sold my house and all the things that could remind me of the Us-Time.... i moved in another place, i cut my hair and lost even too much weight,  i sold the old car, i changed even the stores where i was doing grocery shop, i didnt see anymore some of the old friends i used to, i dont go on the same old places, i changed restaurant, movies theaters too...i surgically eliminated any possibility to meet him and his new family .. ...i dated and slept with other men

  yes, i think the only think i didnt do is getting drunk or stoned or under anti-depressant or to a shrink or to a divorce group meeting.....lol....for the rest , you name it.....:-)

  Blue....it might look depressing but its really not...you will find you own reason to get over it....it a battle you can fight only by yourself but good friends can help a lot..... ...and stuff like this makes you truly stronger and wiser...... 

• marysaaka said on May 30, 2007....

  Bluesnake, it is ok to hurt and carrier the full load of love, think about the relationship that you two had and how much you still love this person and feel all feeling that you have in realizing that you do have love and know how to define love, once you see all of these factors of love you will realize that you have feeling that you have shared with a person who dont feel the same way about you and you will come to realize that it is her or his lost because there definement of love dont agree with yours, you can move on.

• pickersplock said on May 30, 2007....

  I guess the best way is to move on and find someone or something else to do......oops
  that didn't come out quite right......I didn't mean you should just go around having sex with a lot of people,...... although that could work too!

• Bluesnake said on May 30, 2007....

  Wow... I appreciate all of your comments and advice!
   
  Rupert7 - Thanks for the poem!
   
  Zayda - LOL....interesting formula....and I guess she will definitely in my heart forever.
   
  allswell - I think it's a good perspective to see why we shouldnt be together to stop loving that person.
   
  LMari & gingersoul - Thanks for the advice. I think I even have the change the route that I drive to office everyday....if not I'll be seeing her house everyday.
   
  marysaaka - Thanks! and noted!
   
  pickersplock - Why not? LOL

• flashnocturnal said on Jun 01, 2007....

  bluesnake: yeah agreed with what everyone was saying. It is not easy. Let me share with you my experience. After broken up with my gf, i took the opportunity to work overseas. When i came back after 7 years of working hard in USA,  

• starryn said on Jun 02, 2007....

  BlueSnake,
  If you dont mind another imput, just a thought here
  Try loving you, take that unloving someone to loving yourself.
  See we all have this inheritance in ourselves to unlove ourself
  every day in some fashion or another, by negative thinking,
  putting our self down in some way.
  Try for a moment to bless yourself, do something nice for you.
  make something daring happen that you always wanted to do
  but never did for negative thoughts perhaps that said you are
  not allowed!. If you can do this once then twice and maybe a new
  pattern will emerge that breaks the chain of habbit, of trying to
  unlove another you love yourself and maybe just maybe
  there wont be a reason to unlove anymore but love you and then
  another when they walk into your life.
  Just a thought.
   

• Me-Myself&I said on Jun 03, 2007....

  why would you want to? love and live ...go on with your life and learn the dos and don't for your next relationship 

• lostcause said on Jun 03, 2007....

  well im young lol only 15 but i did date a guy for a year. Me and him broke up and i was totally stuck on him for months after.. i moved on and talk to other guys but that didnt help to much cause i only ended up comparing the new guys to the old one. when i finally got rid of pictures and cut my self of from contact with him i felt better. maybe that will help because u cant get over someone if u catch urself with memories all around u.

• DogLips said on Jun 03, 2007....

  I can never unlove the girl of my dreams that I dated eight years ago. she is different now and so am I. We didn't work out and we are with different people. But I will never forget the beauty of everything we experienced when things were bliss between us.
   
  Now I am wondering how to make someone unlove me. I don't even know if it's a good idea. But things have become very complicated and I am trying to make myself unlove her by finding reasons for why I shouldn't feel happy with her. I think I will alwasy love her somehow though.
   
  Maybe we don't need to unlove someone, just put things into perspective.

• marysaaka said on Jun 03, 2007....

  Hi. just to say i hope you had a nice week end.

• Bluesnake said on Jun 05, 2007....

  Flashnocturnal - Your comment is not complete, eh...
   
  Starryn - I think I read your comment 9 times to understand it.....Thanks anyway!
   
  MeMyself & I - Good point there.
   
  lostcause - Yup....got to erase those memories... but it's really difficult to erase it.
   
  doglips - I still find it difficult to think of another perspective or how to think negatively about someone....
   
  Marysaaka - I had a nice weekend. Thanks.
   
  Good inputs I received. Feel free to put more....! I need it...

• rainandsunshine said on Jun 05, 2007....

  well im also a part of this club.. i also want to learn how to unlove someone... wen u've loved someone so so much , more than urself probably , how do you forget him...i've been trying to desperately for two years but tell me a new way cos this one doesnt seem to be working...

• Bluesnake said on Jun 06, 2007....

  rainandsunshine....awww I feel your pain too. I'm not sure whether time heals as what people say. Guess we just have to try out some methods mentioned above.

• starryn said on Jun 07, 2007....

  Honestly I dont feel you can unlove someone if you truly love them, it doesnt always go away with time, it doesnt ease with finding another if that love is
  more than any ever felt before.  its hard to move on and change when your
  gut is wrenching with heart aches and nothing is blank just constant reminders
  of that one that truly stole your heart, became your heart.  but what can you do
  if it is over its over and the only way to go is away from that person, that one.
  What i meant about loving yourself, is put energy into yourself, do things that make you happy, and eventually when not looking for it, love does comes
  along again.
  theres no easy fix i dont think, hope your friend finds one, and you too.
   

• chinchi said on Feb 13, 2008....

  wow,ive recently broke up with my bfriend and he wwas ma everything,gave me hope,dreams,but now he has a gurlfriend,different 2 me....blonde...skinnie...pretty...im brunette tanned lol but im shatted....but im moving on because thats all i have left,he moved on left me in the cold but yes everyday gets easier but i know that there is a man outther just 4 me and as sexc as hell! so ladies plz live ur life coz is way 2 short!have a drink 4 uz! A DRINK 4!!!!! *4 da losers dat lost us *Da gud man that will get 2 meet uz ****AND DA LUCKY BASTARDS THAT WILL GET 2 HAVE UZ!!*** hope u all find ur inner happiness and dat hot loving in ur life ladies!add me on yahoo!!!! chini_fredes@yahoo.com! :)

• diagostino said on Mar 06, 2008....

  If you love someone. real love. true love. then it is forever. It will never go away and you cannot unlove in that case. If the person you love doesnt love you back and they have gone from your life, then that is the cruelest fate that can fall on you - because you will have to carry that love, unrequited and transformed somedays into the worst pain imaginable, forever. Ben Diagostino, writer. diagostino.com

• anonymous said on Apr 14, 2008....

  you can't unlove someone. all you gotta do is go over and over and over the things that will make you remind that person, cry until your tears will dry....and if you think you're sick of doing that, I think that's the time you had moved on. uhm, why this process? I know it wouldn't work for everyone as it does for me but I think it would somehow help. cheers. :)

• anonymous said on Apr 18, 2008....

  I do not khow actually I am in the same situation, today is 2:16 am I couldn't sleep and I been crying the whole week. I ve been with this guy 3 years everything was fine he loved me to death and suddenly he stops loving me. I was asking myself why?? how?? how he can forget me so fast?? how he can't miss me?? I saw your question Aand I was reading the answers but I do not know how to stop suffering. It hurts a lot. these two weeks I've been trying to feel better and to let it go but everything make me remind him.....

• Bluesnake said on May 26, 2008....

  Dear anonymous,

  It definitely hurts a lot. That's life. We gotta move on and face life. And seriously i've manage to unlove someone....through time.

• b.dreamer said on Sep 23, 2008....

  
  I love my best friend and can't quit it. It's hard to fire your best friend, or just make yourself unlove someone. I was hoping someone here could share some trade secrets, but alas there is no relief in sight.
  
  How do you quit the one person your not supposed to love love? How can you recategorize them? How can friendship turn so wickedly on a person? I have turned to the bible and it says I'm a sinner for thinking these thoughts but they are not my own. These ideas, these fantasies come without warning and try as I might I cannot ignore them. These feelings flow too strong to control.
  
  I've turned to the internet and it says you can't unlove someone. People say it takes time, but if that person is never away how can feelings diminish? It's like living with your ex, for the rest of your life...
  
  

• Me-Myself&I said on Sep 23, 2008....

  *smile*

• chosen1 said on Oct 10, 2008....

  I'm going through it myself.I married her 6 months ago and it seemed like a marriage from heaven.Then just like a light switch she did a 180 and moved out. She wasn't my first marriage but I really did intend it to really last for the rest of my life. And the funny thing is ,she said the same thing .....but still left me...I'm so far in the dark ,I started looking up sites like this in hope of finding some solice. I still really love this woman . some times I can't help from tearing up and it's embarracing (sp). She seems so happy now....but not long ago ....she seemed the same way with me....any help out there? Maybe one of the ladies who wrote into you could write me and give me a little insight into her logic...JKN

• anonymous said on Nov 22, 2008....

  chosen1, what I have learned is that just like there are physical variances in everyone, height, weight, etc. there are emotional variances as well. Some people don't love with the same intensity as others. It seems her love was not as deep as yours. For someone to so quickly move on, after such a short time, it sounds like she probably had a deep infatuation for you. I am at that very painful crossroad. I am so desperate to 'unlove' someone I love. It's a long complicated story, but this man who is my best friend, my soul mate, the only person who makes my heart sing, can never be mine. I am 43, and have 'loved' so many times in my life. But it wasn't until I met him that I truly knew the definition of love. All those other times must have been practice runs, because I have never loved anyone like this before, and I feel that I will never again. It's that deep. So I'm in the same boat as the rest of you. I feel like walking away will mean losing the very air I breathe; I love him that deeply. Maybe there is no answer. Maybe it's one of those questions like 'what is the meaning of life'. I hope that we all find some peace on our journey.

• anonymous said on Apr 21, 2009....

  saf

• anonymous said 5 days ago....

  Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you have never met. Ben Diagostino Writer Diagostino.com

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