This morning I had a really interesting conversation with some people at work. There is this woman there and she’s having some relationship issues. I wasn’t really part of the conversation at first, but I sort of overheard stuff and decided to butt in. She was talking about how her boyfriend is always talking down to her and treating her like shit. He’s not affectionate and he doesn’t really like to kiss. In fact, sometimes when they have sex, he doesn’t even kiss her. And then I guess there is this other guy she used to date. He was the flowers and love notes type and he really wants to get back together with her. She’s torn about this and doesn’t know what to do.
The reason why I butted in was because I failed to understand where the dilemma was. On one hand, you have a prick who treats you like a prostitute basically. I mean, no kissing during sex?? That’s weird if you ask me. And on the other hand she has a guy who she admits will do anything for her and was always treating her like a queen. How hard should this decision be? That’s when she tells me, “but the nice guy is just TOO nice.” She likes assholes. A sensitive romantic man turns her off. She sees it as him being vulnerable and less manly. But a dipshit who treats her badly makes her feel like she’s with a REAL man and not a girly little puss.
To be quite honest, I was really confused by this. I thought women wanted men who were sensitive and romantic? Don’t they always complain that they don’t get enough romance in their lives? And here is this woman basically saying that a man like that is a total turn off. Is she just damaged and crazy or is this true? If it’s true, then maybe it explains a lot about my life and lack of success with women.
When I was growing up, my parents were sort of hippies. And they always encouraged me and my brother to show our emotions. My dad never once said to me that boys didn’t cry, or that I needed to toughen up and be a man. If something was bothering me, they wanted me to express that. My mom always said that if I was happy, there was no shame in laughing or smiling. So why should I feel shame in crying if something upsetting happened? Just because I was a boy, didn’t mean I wasn’t human. Of course, that doesn’t mean I’m an emotional wreck who cries over stupid shit. But I am an emotional person. And when I’m love, I freely admit that my brain turns to mush and I get a little sappy.
But now I’m hearing that some women don’t like that sort of thing. Would I really be more appealing if I was a prick? Would I get bad boy sex appeal points if I treated women crappier? It’s rather disconcerting to me that a woman might be turned off and think I was less of a man if I bought her flowers or did thoughtful things for her. But then again, a woman who felt like that probably would not be the woman for me anyway. But have I been going about all of this wrong by wearing my heart on my sleeve? Sometimes I wonder. Maybe being nice isn’t such a good thing after all? It makes me think of that saying, “nice guys finish last.” Sadly, I think there’s some truth to that.
