Singaporeans will finally get to blow and suck all they want in the privacy of their bedrooms! And no, I'm not talking about blowing candles or sucking lollipops. I'm referring to those pleasurable oral pursuits generically termed 'oral sex' - yes, fellatio, cunnilingus and the like.

And that’s not all, Singaporeans will also be allowed to sodomize each other for good measure.

Terms and conditions apply, however, viz. these activities may be undertaken only 1) between a man and a woman, and 2) in private please, this is prudish Singapore.

In sweeping changes being introduced to the country’s Penile..Oops, I mean Penal Code, a legacy from colonial times, oral sex and sodomy will soon be decriminalised. Singaporeans will soon be at liberty to indulge in these popular leisure pursuits with a clear conscience, and free of (performance?) anxieties precipitated by the guilt of having undertaken criminal acts.

These obsolete sex laws, which will be repealed in the coming months, have the notorious distinction of having made a criminal out of almost the entire population.

The fact that these amendments to the law have been proposed at all, some say, is in itself a miracle, considering that this is a country obssessed with economic excellence, bureaucratic efficiency, clean government, aseptic streets, wholesome family values and, of course, that overbearing culture of money worship.

So how did the no-nonsense establishment divert itself from such pressing priorities-of-state, to a subject as mundane, frivolous and unwholesome as sex, one may wonder?

The subject may not be so unconnected from the country's preoccupations after all. You see, policy makers recently did their sums and declared that the country needs to boost its population from the present 4.5 million to 6.5 million in order to support the country's projected economic expansion. This works out to a staggering 44% jump in human numbers.

But just where are these numbers going to come from? Surely not from domestic reproduction, given the local populace's omni-compulsive obssession with making money over babies.

Fret not. The city state's planners have it all worked out. First, turn on the charm and attract the numbers from overseas. Yes, there's fast-food, fast-cash, and now, fast-people.

But the wise men in government would probably tell you that having the numbers comprised entirely of foreign content may not be the best idea for domestic social stability. So, to temper the foreign tide, get the locals into the act, the good-ole traditional way. Yes, get them to do their part and breed. Create that conducive environment for reproduction. Make sex pleasurable and fun. Allow them all the foreplay they will need. And of course, make those babies at all cost!

It is no wonder then that the non-reproducing gay minority is finding itself left out in the cold to languish as criminals insofar as the statute books are concerned.