I went down to the river to pray

I decided to sleep outside last night.  I have a little porch off to one side of the bedroom I share with my son.  So I rolled out my sleeping bag, grabbed a pillow and lay down to watch to grin moon make its way across the sky.  As Grandmother Moon smiled down at me with her Cheshire Cat grin, I listened to the crickets and the frogs sing me to sleep.  No it was not a river, but I could sense the flow rolling and rising,  and I listened to my thoughts observing life.

Studying about those good ol' ways

I noticed that the frogs and crickets  gave their songs with equal abandon.  Not holding onto whether or not their song was the best, but letting it go so that another one good come in behind it, and another one, and another one, building a symphony with those around it to create the sounds of the countryside at night.  Everything was as it should be.  Grandmother Moon smiled down at me as if to say ..I love you Waterstar

And you shall wear a robe and crown...

I thought to myself, I want to give like that, like the moon, like the stars, like the crickets and the frog of myself completely without holding on or holding back.   I thought about J and all the trouble we've been having, I thought about my part in it, what I have been giving.  I've been giving him all my anger, when really what I want to give him is my love and my joy.  Which makes me sad, and then I feel afraid again, and then I get angry because I'm afraid. 

Ok, fine, feel afraid...then let it go, let it wash down stream ....

Good Lord show me the way...