If you think about the fact that my son will be 8 this summer, and I am divorced since he was a baby, you'd probly think that by now my ex and I have calmed down and manage a healthy parenting realtionship.
Oh, boy, you couldn't be more wrong!
I will not go into every little detail on what the argument was about. I will not get myself going again like that. I just want to write the anger out of me.
After so many years, he has remarried and I have my own life too. Yet, he still cannot give me a break. No matter what I want - reasonable or not - I already know his reaction. It is always a streight no. He doesn't even care if my request makes sence, or benefits him. He doesn't care if there is a logical solution to a situation life created at the time. Just to say "no" he will and does say "no".
However, when it turnes the other way around, and he wants changes, I better not say "no" to him! And belive me, he takes any given situation to turn it around so it bennefits him - and I supposed to just agree.
Why? Because if I don't, I am a bad parent. Because all our problems in the past were MY FAULT.
It is getting so old. The blame, the finger pointing and the acusing.
The worst part is that he changes the past with his stupid little lies so it sounds better on his side and HE STARTS TO BELIEVE HIS OWN LIES too!! Or he is the best actor I have eer seen.
The worst part is that he changes the past with his stupid little lies so it sounds better on his side and HE STARTS TO BELIEVE HIS OWN LIES too!! Or he is the best actor I have eer seen.
The only reason he can get me going each time is that I get so pissed when his response to my arguments are the lies he created. Does he forgets that he is talking TO ME, who he actually made these stories up about? He must have a lot of skin on his face for telling ME the lies about me, about us, when I WAS THERE, so I know the truth!
What makes it even worst is that most of teh things I'm saying are true, therefore I can prove them by documentations. He knows that. I know that. Yet, he can tell me they are not true. Yet he can tell me different sounduing so serious about it, that I must think he believes his own lies. Why else would he tell me, things about our life in the past? What does he think, that I'll adventually start believing these stories too?
GGgggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
know what you are thinking. Why do I even bother? Why do I let myself get into it over and over again. And you are rigth. I shouldn't. But life isn't so simple. There is a child involved, and he isn't the kind who don't give a shit. I almost wish he would be. I mean, I am glad that my son has a good relationship with his dad, and I wouldn't ever want to change that. It's just that for at least another 10 years we will have to deal with this parental relationship we have, and it really don't seem like we are anywhere close to understanding each other. I wish I could call him up and talk to him calmly, knowing that he will look at each situation as the best for our son. Some times he would have to band a little, some times I would have to do the same.
Why is that so difficult?
Why can't we get over the past if we already moved on anyway? Why does it have to be a fight?
And what can I do to make it better?
I've been igonring him. I've been trying to work it out. I've been disconnecting all communications and rely only on lawyers too. I did it all. Each time a case was over, I hoped that from that point on - once we've solved the given problem - we could build a working parental realtionship.
I don't want to be his or his family's friend. I don't want to push limits. I just wan to be able to live my life and let him live his life without worrying about what's going to be the next thing, when for no reason I will become the big bad wolf, who must be put in her place.
Is that that horrible of a wish?
