If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.
If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "Why do you want to know?" Alternately, you can tell them, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my stomach is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died..." When they try to get to the sell, just keep talking about your "problems."
If they say they're Joe Doe from the XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.
Cry out, in well-simulated tones of pleasure and surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh, my GOODNESS! Judy, how have you BEEN?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.
Say "no", over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep an even tempo even as they're trying to speak. This is the most fun if you can keep going until they hang up.
If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up with their Family and Friends plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can muster, "I don't have any friends...would you be my friend?"
If they clean rugs: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out GOAT blood? How about HUMAN blood?" Alternate: "Sorry, my floor is made of stone."
Let the person go through their spiel, providing minimal but necessary feedback in the form of an occasional "uh-huh", "rilly" or "how fascinating". Finally, when they ask you to buy, ask them to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them you couldn't just give out your credit card number to a complete stranger.
Tell them you work for the same company they work for.
Example:
Telemarketer: "This is Bill from Water Tronics."
You: "Water Tronics! Hey, I work for them too. Where are you calling from?"
Telemarketer: "Uh...Dallas, Texas."
You: "Great, they have a group there too? How's business/the weather?!?"
Telemarketer: "Sorry, we can't sell to employees."
You: "Oh, okay. Bye!"
(Jerry Seinfeld version) Tell the telemarketer your busy at the moment and if they give you their phone number, you'll call them back.
Telemarketer will say "We're not allowed to give out our number".
You say, "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at work, right?".
Telemarketer will agree. You say "Now you know how I feel!" Hang-up.
MsStar39 posted on May 17, 2007
| views: 712
Comments
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sweet_cookie01 said on May 17, 2007....
very funny... now i know what to do when a telemarketer calls!..LOL... -
botoni said on May 17, 2007....
HOHOHOHO! I have some sympathy for the people making those calls in the sense that they must really need job badly in order to do that work. That feeling goes away in about 3 seconds and I switch into hassle mode. I particularly love the "Is that you Judy" routine. Drives them bananas. -
MsStar39 said on May 17, 2007....
sweet cookie, be sure to try some of these.
botoni, that is my favorite one and can't wait to try it.
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dailyachesandpains said on May 17, 2007....
LOVE IT, LOVE them all!Thanks for sharing!Daily -
uniquely-ironic said on May 17, 2007....
Sometimes I just lay the phone down and go do something else for awhile. -
gingersoul said on May 17, 2007....
Ms....i still love the Seinfeld version...too funny....lol...
My tactic, when i am in the mood, is pretending to be the maid. I migth say "No i am not the head of the house. They left for a cruise, i am the housecleaner". And naturally i make my accent a lot heavier...lol....It works like magic anytime.....lol..
But most of the time i pick up the phone and hung up immediately... I have a caller id so i recognize some numbers that keep calling me...
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Eilan said on May 17, 2007....
If I don't recognize the number, I don't answer the phone. That's what answering machines are for. -
lioneljay said on May 17, 2007....
I've told newspaper subscription hawkers that I'd be glad to buy as soon as they come out with a Braille edition and folks selling aluminum siding regularly hear that we live in an earth house dug from the side of a hill. -
lalaine1 said on May 17, 2007....
Hahaha! thanks! this made me laugh! -
Tappa said on May 17, 2007....
We sometimes ask them "Do you really like doing such an unwelcome job?"The ones I hate are those who don't identify themselves or their purpose. And I hate it when they use what marketing manuals tell them to do! you know, they start off trying to tell you what you need or want: "You want your {children/dog/car/...} to have/be ...". If I'm in the mood, I cut them short with "Not interested. Tell me who sold you my name and number, or get off the line." That usually returns a "Sorry madam." and they hang up/ -
MsStar39 said on May 18, 2007....
Daily, glad that you like them.
Ginger, we definitely need to add pretending to be the maid to this list, I love it.
Eilan, sometime I answer the phone anyway.
lionel, another great one to add to the list, we live in an earth house.
Lalaine, we all need a good laugh, an extra bonus is that it's good for our health.
Tappa, I think that's the only job some of them can get, personally I would hate to have to do it for a living.
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cotteralladams3 said on May 18, 2007....
As someone who worked in the field doing bookings, market research and surveys, I would suggest the following no-nonsense guidelines:
1. Don't sound overly friendly or conversational on the phone.
2. To distract them, do not say that 'I'm busy. Call me later', 'I'll call you back
or you can call me', or anything of the sort. Tell him you do not want his services,
that you do not appreciate the call, and that it is a violation of your privacy.
3. Seriousness, short answers and a refusal to go into personal details such as
name, address, place of work and age will help.
4. Tell him you do not do business over the phone and only conduct business
with people you know.
5. Ask if the company is affiliated with the BBB or other regulating firms. Ask if
they have a business license.
6. Ask for a number or the website if you are interested but do not trust immediately.
7. Mention you work out-of-town, are just visiting, or are going on vacation.
8. Say you are retired (if you are) and don't have money for the product (if they're
selling).
9. Threaten to report the company and caller to the government.
10. Ask about being placed on a 'do not call' list.
The fact that you have an unlisted number won't prevent you from being called because numbers are recycled. You get someone else's old number. This is why some people who get a new number when moving are surprised to get strange prank calls or a harasser. It does happen. This is why telemarketers call your number. They use old phone books and with the movement of people these days, 23 percent of numbers are inaccurate.
They may dial the wrong number. Some lists are obtained by other means and just because you are told you are put on a "DNC" list doesn't mean you are, or with all companies, or that the legislation covers all companies. Some employees just don't bother: they scratch it off the list and when a new list from the same town comes around, they get put on the list again. Some managers just insist that you call the same number over and over, regardless of what the resident says, because they figure the right line will win the customer over and fear losing a potential sale. I can tell it is a waste of time.
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cotteralladams3 said on May 18, 2007....
Also, always turn down market surveys or requests for information about products and any purchases you made. If they offer a service or product over the phone whle claiming you want something, refuse and hang up. If they ask you to punch in a credit card number or call a automated dialing system on a number, hang up. Don't press anything. It could be fraudulent. I have never worked for a fraudulent company in that sense, but it is always possible that the worker is dishonest himself. -
RollingC said on May 18, 2007....
I too liked them much...specially the JUDY? How are you? bit....lol
Sometimes I've asked for money to be donated to me instead of me donating money.
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cotteralladams3 said on May 18, 2007....
Never do charities door-to-door or over the phone. Save your money for legitimate fundraisers. If you really want to give money, you'll send a cheque in to a local registered agency. It is like giving money to people on the street. What are they really going to do with it? How often does this guy claim he wants money for a bus ticket, can of pop, sandwich, a blanket or whatever he asks for ? If he asks 100 people a day, he could make a lot of money, so where is the incentive for him to go to a shelter, get into detox and find a job or go to welfare? None. Anyway, people commit fraud all the time. Why trust a charity over the phone? The worker may just be some guy down on his luck taking any job he can find or a student doing a part-time job. You get housewives, retirees, people trying to bring in some income while looking for a better job, people getting of EI, etc. They may not be aware of the company as they go through a lot of people and just hand over a spiel. You don't learn of the company's history, origins, style of business, products or standards. -
MsStar39 said on May 18, 2007....
Cotter, thank you for the advice.
Rolling, Judy is also my favorite, waiting on the next call so that I can try it.
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RollingC said on May 18, 2007....
Ps..... Here in Florida I don't give to charities over the phone since I discovered that by law they can keep 90% of what they collect for administrative expenses.
Rc
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MsStar39 said on May 20, 2007....
Rolling, the only one I give to is word vision. I don't give to anyone that calls on the phone either. -
anonymous said on May 20, 2007....
Glad it was helpful. Hanging up is the simplest thing. I just wanted to point out that the workers may be dishonest as well as the company. I wouldn't threaten to sue someone or report them to the police. One boss made us call people back over and over. I eventually quit because it bothered me, along with other reasons. Some have called back and done this to us. I have heard it. It is best to call back and insist on talking to management about the calls, complain seriously or else, just tell them to take the number off the list and if they call again, you'l contact the BBB or Marketing Association. Even mention you will call the licensing bureau about them. -
tamareesperes12 said on May 23, 2007....
Telemarketer: Is Mr. Jones there?
Me:"No, he walked out on me and the kids SIX months ago! Do ya really want his forwarding number?!?!"
............conversation usually ends........... lmao
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MsStar39 said on May 25, 2007....
tamarerseperes, thats a good one that needs to be added to the list, thank you. -
doortoinsanity said on Jun 08, 2009....
LOL.
They usually ask me if my mom or dad is home. I tell them no and hang up! haha!
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blueraven6 said on Jul 25, 2009....
For many years, my blood pressure went up every time someone took me away from being creative.
Now, I have the perfect solution: A software program that monitors my telephone. It does an automatic trace, and gives me the option of answering it or not. It flashes messages on my computer screen.
All it takes is one call. I can then program it to give that caller a trumpet fanfare and a bronx cheer, automatically! Damn! I love it when it does that!
Anybody want one, email me. I'll tell you where to download it for free.
blueraven6
Comment on ""What To Tell Telemarketers""
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