She stands on the edge of the cliff of her own creation. A decision must be made. Does she jump, take the blissful cold deep water and sleep or does she turn and face the sunshine, with it's impossible brightness and unending warmth?
The deep water is inviting, blackest black, cool and best of all, without opinion. It calls to her "Come to me, you won't regret it." It offers her the comfort of numbness, which is desperately appealing to her. It is so appealing to her that she can't stop thinking about it.
The sunshine caresses her back, sparking the red in her hair and highlighting the freckles of her children. It tells her to just turn around, just look at what she has. It wraps her up in it's warmth and she does love to be warm. It offers the sweetness of her children, who are all to her. It beckons her to just step away from her cliff and walk back into the light.
Now she has to choose. But she has lost her way. She can't move. She can't jump, and she can't turn around. All she can do is cry because her lack of movement is killing her. The sun warms her tears, and the tears fall into the deep water. Is this her infinity? Is she doomed to this infinite damnable immobility? Is this, in fact, God's punishment for her? If so, He is good, she'll give him that, because she definitely feels imprisoned.
She is trying so hard. Trying to be there for everyone who needs her. Trying to take care of herself... she went to the Doctor, got more medicine. So why can't she find the sunshine? Why can't she just turn around? Why can't she just be right with the world? To call it frustrating is the biggest understatement of her life. To be able to deal with it seems the biggest impossibility of her life.
